I have a confession.

I cannot function without a father.

I have a second confession.

I used to love God because it was the right thing to do. Now I love Him because I am desperate for a Dad.

I have a third confession. A confession that mocks the Devil.

I believe that Daddy Issues are a gift.

I am not too proud to say that I am a woman who now knows she would not have sought God any other way.

I am not too proud to say that it took the world shattering pain of my father’s absence to bring me to an empty parking lot in the middle of the night at age 19, 14 years after I was saved, where I began to Love my God.

Love him like I loved my father. Needed him like I needed my father. Wanted him like I wanted my father.

And so He was returned to his rightful place as My Father.

And so I have learned that it is better to be without the love of my father for but a few years, rather than to be without the love of my Father for all of eternity.

Earthly perspective is this: A heart-scar detracts from our value, and debilitates our potential.

But eternal perspective is this: Battle wounds create a pain that drives us to a healer we would not otherwise know & give a God-assigned purpose we never could have found.

The absence of your father creates room for your Father.

The pain caused by your father allows for comfort from your Father.

The more you miss your father, the more you’ll find your Father.

As of today, I am claiming that your “daddy issues” are no longer your curse, they are your blessing. They are the acknowledged desperation for a father, and proof that you go only to the greatest Father to survive. The same Father that created yours, and sees you both as equally broken hearts before Him. They are proof that when you need a comforter, provider, and protector – you go to the Comforter, Provider and Great Protector and no one else. They are proof that you seek love from the Author of it, and not a pale imitation of it. Proof that the first father you seek is the Father that every man, woman and child will bow before.

From the beginning of time, God has created what is beautiful, and man has wrecked havoc. And then, God extends redemption. We choose either to find our purpose by way of our need for redemption, or we continue into destruction and pain by way of our belief that nothing can save us from this.

What are you waiting for to save you from this?

When we wait for the same thing that destroyed us to rebuild us again, we wait in vain.

There is no Father who can redeem you other than the one who gave up his Son for your redemption before you were born.

And there is no middle ground between redemption and destruction.

Last week, I was crying for the ten thousandth time over the absence of my dad.

And He said, “Am I not Father enough?”

He is. He is Father enough.

- – –

“I have chosen you. The little girl with the brunette ringlets and the big blue eyes – she was and is my daughter. Have you forgotten how beautiful I created you? Have you let others speak and tell you otherwise? Let all those voices be silent once and for all, for I am the Great I Am. They cannot stand against me. And they are nothing to me. I have created you as beautiful and in my eyes you have lost none of the innocence you possessed when I first gave you life. You are like new to me every morning, just as my mercy is new to you every morning. I have heard your cries – I am the Lord.” - Words from my Father in 2009. He is present.

78 comments

  1. beautiful perspective for this fatherless girl.

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  2. You had me at “A confession that mocks the devil.” You had me again at, “As of today, I am claiming that your “daddy issues” are no longer your curse, they are your blessing.”

    Hardcore “Amen” from my corner. Love this, Lauren.

    Love,
    Erika

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  3. Thank you.

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  4. Angie

    All of the times I have felt wounded or abandoned by either of my parents, I have cried in the arms of Jesus and have never felt more close to Him. It is more than true that Christ turns curses into blessings, and that trials in this life are often blessings in disguise. I wouldn’t have known Him as my comforter had my parents not hurt me in the way they did, and how can I not praise Him for allowing me to know Him even more?

    Your post was just wonderful – it spoke deep into the depths of my heart. Thank you for writing it.

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  5. Absolutely fantastic post. I think the most difficult relationship on the planet is the father/daughter one because it’s our foundation. It’s our launching pad. We have moments where we drown in our disappointments of unmet expectations from flawed men. Then we make crazy choices in hopes to satisfy that hurt in our heart. Thankfully the ultimate Father who is passionate about us, is patient with us. He waits for us to come back to Him to fill the holes that the hurts left.

    Thank you for sharing your heart :) It’s beautiful and encourages me.
    Karen

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  6. I am glad this works for you, but please don’t speak for all fatherless women.

    I am also sure some wonderful fathers out there would take offense to this.

    Signed,
    A Godless, Happy Fatherless Woman

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    • Oh, Lexa~ it seems this is only meant to provide hope, to show how even though our relationships with our earthly fathers may be one way, God is our ultimate Father no matter what. He will never disappoint/leave/abandon/reject/hurt us, as even the best fathers do (because they’re human and fallible!).
      And hopefully “wonderful fathers” would second the sentiment offered here- encouragement to seek the Father harder than anything else. Even the BEST earthly fathers will fall short and should be directing our hope to God. As someone with a pretty great father, in all things he leads the way to the Father.
      Only He can give us life.

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      • C

        Amen!

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    • Rachel Adair

      So sad, for one day you WILL want God and find sour it’s not so happy to be Godless! For such as you, He came! You and I might condemn, but He came not to condemn, but that all might be saved!

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  7. Beautiful truth here! As Mark Buchanan says, our scars (as in our relationship with our dads) are the means of intimacy with our scarred Savior. Thanks for this lovely post!

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  8. Gary Puckett

    Hi Lauren! What a beautiful essay. What a testimony to the love of our Father that he can fill any void in our lives. This is an imperfect and wounding-inflicting world, yet we were created to need perfection, or so it seems. All those wounds and holes left in us can cripple us, or leave us living in “quiet desperation”, or we can let our Father fill them and experience a whole new beauty in life. As a dad who is completely in love with his kids, and as your friend, it breaks my heart that your relationship with your dad has been rocky. But all us human dads fall far short of our true Father, and I’m glad you’re beginning to understand Him and his affection for you.

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  9. Sally

    “Battle wounds create a pain that drives us to a healer we would not otherwise know & give a God-assigned purpose we never could have found.” Amen Lauren. Powerful words, powerful story. There is no greater love than that of our Heavenly Father. Thank you for baring your soul so that others might heal.
    Love, Sally

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  10. Kendra

    Thank you for this amazing post! :)
    It really is a confirmation of what I’ve been needing to do…lean on the Father.

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  11. Amazing, and beautiful. There are so many people in Detroit who need to hear this. My city has been paralyzed by dad issues.

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  12. Ashley Strong

    Wow. I needed to read this. You really spoke to my heart in a big way.

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  13. This speaks to me in kind of a different way. I have a dad who has always been there and loved me unconditionally. My three teenagers have had the same blessing from their Dad.

    Three months ago, we adopted a seven year old boy from foster care. He never knew his birth father… only a string of his mom’s boyfriends as he lived with her off and on for his first 6 years. It’s so hard to see his pain but he knows “God is healing my broken heart” (his words). He loves his new daddy like crazy. He directs all his anger at me and tells me he doesn’t like moms much.

    Your words here give me hope– that what has been lost will drive him to healing, that his broken heart will be restored. He needs to know God as his Father (and God has the comfort of a mother as well) We get to be part of that process, we are reflecting it to him. The days are hard sometimes. I need to keep my heart toward God as my Father and let that love pass on to him.

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    • Oh wow, Alyssa. Yes, be encouraged that God will restore the years the locusts have eaten, and that God forms the hearts of all men. I was very bitter & never had/wanted a relationship with my mother for a very long time (for “reasons”) and God has healed many of those things for me and given me an incredible love and appreciation for my mother. I’ve even replayed incidents & time periods in my mind and God has showed me how much she loved me & how much she did for me…when I never saw it in the moment.

      Your children will rise up and called you blessed.

      -lauren xoxo

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  14. Adoption– the spirit of fear is taken away and He calls us his children and we call him Father.

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  15. I feel like my breath has been knocked out of me. so so powerful. this…this needed to be said. this needs to be heard. this needs to be believed. by me. He is Father enough.

    thank you, lauren.

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  16. this just kicked the breath out of me. In the best ways. Thank you, Lauren. Beautifully written, absolutely but oh, the truth!

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  17. This morning I noticed on Facebook that my friend posted a picture of her dancing with her dad at her wedding. I made the comment that I loved that pic (because I love my friend). She replied by saying she remembers never holding someone so tight in her life. She added, “I’m a daddy’s girl.”

    I wept…and wept. I remembered how my dad refused to even come to my wedding because of a spat he had with my now husband. It was devastating, yet just one more item in the list of paternal fails.

    As tears streamed over my hands pressed to my face, I called out to my Daddy in Heaven. I told him how much I needed Him and how thankful I was for who He is.

    Now I’m crying again…Not out of feeling sorry for myself, but rather experiencing that loss of an imperfect love but knowing deeply how perfect, tender, and unshakable my Father’s love is for me.

    Thank you, Lauren. Truly.

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    • Oh hun :( I am there with you. I was told a long time ago my father wouldn’t come to my wedding. My heart breaks for you. But, be loved. <3

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      • A wonderful thing…I’m celebrating my 17th wedding anniversary today. My relationship with my earthly father isn’t any better, but God my Father has poured out more love and grace to me than I could ever imagine. His love is real and transforming. :-)

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  18. I’m glad you have found a way to find comfort and peace for the absence and pain your father has caused you. God is love and love heals.

    I have a tough, almost non-existent, relationship with my father … but I don’t see it as a gift. It’s a disappointment that I live … but I still have a happy, good life. There’s worse disappointments to live with.

    I don’t think God (or anyone else) caused it or is using it to make or break me. It’s a fact of life based on choices my father made and continues to make. How I respond to it … is a choice I have and I can cause a positive or negative ‘reason’ to come from it.

    If God really is who we say he is … won’t he be smart and loving enough to think of other ways to woo me to him, rather than through pain and/or the absence of a loved one? Isn’t that a small box to put God in?

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    • Jessica

      I, too, struggle with seeing my broken and difficult relationship with my father as a gift. I agree with you that I don’t think God causes those things to happen. My dad is human and therefore imperfect and sinful. I view the choices he made as coming from a selfish and sinful place (not a result of anyone else’s influence). Our relationship today with all of its hurt and discomfort is a result of his sin. Sin has consequences.

      I believe that God can use the sin that we’ve committed or the sin of someone else that affects us and turn it into something good though. I believe he can use the pain we experience and trials in our life to strengthen our relationship with Him and faith in Him. I believe he can also use our experiences to help others. All of us experience suffering and I think God wants to use our suffering to bring us closer to Him, but also to help others come to know who He is.

      I don’t think that’s the only way he operates. We certainly can’t put God in a box. He speaks to all of us in different ways through different aspects of our life. But I think for those people who have suffered in this way- having an absent parent- he can use it as an avenue for wooing us to Him.

      Throughout the Bible we see numerous instances in which God takes something that was meant for harm and turns it into something beneficial. We also see Him reveal himself to people in various ways. His Word says that we all will face trials and suffering, but it’s through our personal suffering that we’re able to share in Christ’s suffering.

      I think without a doubt though that God is our Comforter, Redeemer, Healer and eternal Father. It’s an understandable and beautiful thing that he would use a broken father-child relationship to draw a person into His love (though that may not be the only way he does it).

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  19. Jennifer

    Wow! I came across your blog story because a friend of mine posted it on facebook. The title caught my eye. I am a mother to a fatherless daughter. So, I was drawn to read this “letter” because I look for ways to encourage my daughter, who has never met her father. I plan on sharing this with her. She has struggled with anger for many years and I know the root of it is that missing link, her earthly father. I, as her mother, have struggled with guilt but your message to brings me hope, the of Jesus’ healing love. My healing from guilt has begun.

    I pray that my daughter’s eyes and heart are opened to the truths your heart has captured. Thank you for being so transparent and laying your heart wide open for us to be healed by our wounds. God is using you! 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

    Be blessed my friend!

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  20. Desiree Duke

    Without the death of my grandmother, who was my rock, I would not have found Christ. I was 27 years old and completely lost without her. I wish it could have come about another way, but I am grateful for the blessing that has come from that.

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  21. This post helped ease the pain of fathers day a little more. Thank you

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  22. PSALM 27 says “my parents forsake me, but the Lord recieves me” and I have clung to that for decades.

    I love this post because it is all true and communicated well.

    I want to venture to add though….could we agree that Jesus didnt say anything on the cross that was casual? There were no housekeeping sort “while Im here and have nothing better to do” mentions ? There were no words that did not have profound meaning meant for all of us for all time?

    John 19:25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” God gave us Himself as Father but He knows our hearts and many of us have mothers who are too broken to mother us. Mary is not deity as God is but He still gave her to us as a gift. Loving her and letting her be our mom increases our love for the Lord…it leaves me feeling all the more cared-after. It takes nothing from my Christian walk…it adds to it.

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  23. I’m glad that you’ve found a way to God as your father. I had a very involved, but also abusive Dad. I still love him, and I know he loves me in his own way. But I also know that my earthly Dad has impacted the way I understand God. I can’t shake the feeling that God is angry, perfectionistic, fault-picking and narcisstic. So I don’t think that God as Father is really going to come together for me anytime soon. He was just one more father I could never please.

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    • Jessica

      I’m so sorry that you feel that God is one more father you can never please.

      I also struggle with giving God the same characteristics and attributes that I’ve seen in my dad. I think that’s human nature. Over the years, it’s been hard for me to see God for who he really is when my example of a father hasn’t been a good one.

      But I really hope for you that you would read the Word and as you read new scriptures that reveal God’s character, his attitude and feelings towards you, and His good attributes (he only has good ones), that He would work in your heart and change the way you feel about Him. I hope that you would see just how different he is from your earthly father.

      Anytime that we feel that we have to be perfect and live up to some sort of standard or set of rules in order to be accepted by God or have a relationship with Him, then we’re falling into the trap of legalism. That’s a product of human nature, not at all what God intended. God accepts us based on our faith in him, not our ability to follow all of us commands. He knows it’s impossible for us to do that, which is why he sent his Son to do that for us.

      God has a righteous, holy anger against sin, but not the sinner. He is perfect, but he knows that we’re not and won’t ever be. And that’s ok with him! He says “I love you and will never stop loving you despite how you live and treat me.” His love is unconditional. I think that’s hard for us to understand and accept because people love based on conditions. For so many years i’ve battled with perfectionism, believing that I had to be good enough to be worthy of God’s love. This was a result of my relationship with my dad. But over and over again, God has confirmed for me by what he says in his Word, that I don’t have to be perfect or do anything but believe in Him to be worthy of his love, mercy and acceptance.

      God chose me. I didn’t choose him. He chose to love and forgive me when I was still living in purposeful sin against him. He chose to love everyone- all of his creation- and forgive them so that they could know him, even while they rejected him and didn’t understand him (John 3:16). The only condition God has for us is to confess that we believe in His existence and admit that we need him. I pray that this Father-daughter relationship would be established and restored, that you would know your heavenly Father’s good and perfect love for you.

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  24. Wow, this is a beautiful truth that i have found true in other areas of my life.

    You are so right on by saying that there is not middle ground between redemption and destruction. Thank you for this post.

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  25. Robin Adrian

    THANK YOU for this beautiful post. I am currently struggling with my own “daddy issues” and have realized for the first time how deeply he has hurt me, while physically present, emotionally absent. Sat by and allowed my mother to abuse me physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally, never once standing up for me or protecting me. When I accepted Christ, I believed that my God would be the same – cold, unprotective, unloving and me never being good enough… I am just now learning the truth and your post was exactly what I needed to read today. I am so thankful!

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  26. Beautiful. Just beautiful. That’s all.

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  27. Laura

    Gracias ♥

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  28. Laura

    I so needed to read this six months ago, a year ago, even three or four years ago. But I’ve felt it to be true for myself; and the worst pain led me to the realization of the strongest Love I’ve ever known.
    Thanks so much for writing this.

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  29. these very words were spoken to me not so many weeks ago by a friend. she is so dear to me. i’m 50 and she is in her 70s. she is my “run to” for all of my hurts and my heart of brokeness. she knows my family, only by their names, and never met. she knows how much i love them and how much they hurt me. i too suffer the lose of a father. technically speaking, or in a round about way, i had 3 fathers. i am a product of a love triangle that hurt my mother so badly, so deeply, that it caused such strife between my mother and i. my husband, the calm in my storm, once told me “you never bonded with her.” i was so taken aback by his words. and, yet, he was so right. her hurt cost me a father. she married and i was immediately adopted by her husband. the man i called my daddy for 18 years never knew the name of my biological father. but, no matter, he married my mother regardless. what love that was. but it didn’t last and i was left, again, with no father. my mother remarried and i left home to be raised by my adoptive father’s parents. i knew no difference in who they truly were. again, i was fatherless. until one day i overheard a conversation not meant to be even spoken of. at the age of 18 i was stunned by the words “she’s not my real daughter.” from that moment i asked, begged, pleaded, with my mother to tell me HIS name. 18 years later, in pure anger, she told me. now, 14 years later, i wish i had never known him. but i couldn’t accept the fact that i did not know my “real” father as was in my mind. and then one day my friend looked straight at me and said “your true father does not walk this earth and you need to realize that right now.” my friend, with tears in her eyes, with anger for those who hurt me, told me what is so very true. we are not of the same faith, but are both christian and know our Lord and Savior. she knew i needed “my” Savior and someone needed to point me in the right direction. i have been saved since the age of 12. i have put my grief at HIS feet when i could carry it no more. but i continued to cling to wanting the attention of an earthly father. now, 2 days before “father’s day,” i am yet again struggling with who my earthly father is and how to make his day special. i still want so badly to be a little girl again so maybe the next time around i will have that bond i also missed with my daddy. but that will never be. i know, although i am deeply scarred, it is nothing in comparison to the scars MY FATHER GOD has suffered for me. thankfully i am forgiven because i’m human and it is only natural to want the love and affection of an earthly father. thankfully, yes, i am forgiven.

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  30. brittany

    i am the girl without a father (well, sort of- my father is hurtful to say the least). and this, spoke to me in ways i didn’t expect. i wish i had better words to tie my thoughts together, but this is one that’s going to take time before i can comment.

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  31. I am going to read this to my oldest daughter and put it in my bible to read to the other two as they grow up. Thank you for this!! It’s hard for me to articulate this to my girls from their perspective. God has been my Husband and I love Him as Father yet I have a good dad too. I have never gone without his love. My heart grieves for my hurt but is shattered over theirs.

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  32. Cassandra

    Beautiful truth. Thank you for sharing.

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  33. Oh, Lauren. I hope you are right. So right. Because I know three wonderful, loving boys whose father has always left them feeling less than good enough. I pray for them and hope that having a father who loves them unconditionally and supports them and feels lucky to have them is NOT a requirement for them to turn out to be the sunshine-filled human beings I see every time they let a smile play across their cheeks. Your words give me hope for them. Thank you.

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  34. Thank you so much for writing this.
    I haven’t been seeing my father issues as a gift- at all.
    But I do know and admit, like you, that I don’t think I would have sought out a relationship with God otherwise. If I didn’t have this wound, this heart break, this emptiness, then I doubt I would have run to God desperately needing his love, attention, support, wisdom and direction, protection, comfort, and provision.
    My father chose to leave us when I was 10. Thankfully, God reached down and grabbed a hold of me when I was 13. Until I was 21, I really struggled between going down a bad path versus a better path. I know that without God’s presence in my life and his Spirit working in me, that I wouldn’t be who and where I am today.
    I still have so far to go. I’m still working on letting God in to heal my wounds and bind up my broken heart. I’m still struggling with unforgiveness towards my dad. I’m still struggling in my relationship with him which is distant, superficial and strained. I’ve struggled with romantic relationships through the years- trying to find the love and affirmation I needed from boys I dated. Today, I struggle with expecting too much from my husband when I need to base my worth and satisfaction in God’s love.
    Over the past couple of years though, God’s been trying to tell me that my father issues can be a blessing. Not only do they lead me to draw closer to Him for what I’m lacking, but my experience can help others who have the same experience to see and turn to their perfect Father who will never abandon or disappoint them.
    Thank you for sharing your story and allowing God to use you to encourage others.

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  35. Wow what a great and uplifting post. I think your line “you go only to the greatest Father to survive” is very positive for vulnerable young women. It’s despicable how many men prey on girls with daddy issues like pimps promising “I can be your daddy” to broke runaways looking to fill that void. Any girls feeling lost and abandoned will find comfort at a church, not just for the spirituality, but the community ready and willing to help them out of hard times. Keep up the good work, I agree wholeheartedly with this entire post!

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  36. Lauren

    wow, thank you. i needed to read that today. father’s day is always a hard day, but this is the best perspective for days like this.

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  37. Marie

    I cannot thank you enough for these words of truth! A reminder about my heavenly Father’s love turned Father’s day from a painful, lonely day to realizing that I have the best father ever who will never harm me.

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  38. kim

    i want this to be true for me. it took all of my courage to call my dad today to wish him a happy father’s day. my silent prayers of gratitude when the voicemail picked up instead of his voice pained me more than I can say.

    i’m in the in-between. still broken from the heartache of disappointment and abuse, not yet willing to see a new Father.

    and so, this father’s day, loneliness prevails.

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  39. Yes it’s true that our heavenly father is the right answer to those who are fatherless. And we thankful for the love He showed and still offering for those seeking a father image. God bless

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  40. Linden

    You made me cry. Thank you for this. This is exactly how I feel and have felt my entire life.

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  41. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I’ve never had an “earthly father”. He left when i was about 2 weeks old. However, my wonderful mom shared Christ with me and on fathers day 1994 (i was 6) i accepted Christ in my heart AS MY FATHER, my heavenly father.
    It’s been far from easy, but i am so thankful that i always have ears that hear my every prayer, cry, and HALLELUJAH. :)
    Thank you, again! And happy fathers day. Don’t we have the best Dad ever?

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    • Lilian Bassude

      Bless you lauren for these words of comfort.I pray for all my brothers and sisters in christ that we are all strenghten in our relation ship with God our heavenly father by he himself through our lord.

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  42. Trish Palac

    Lauren,

    Over this fathers day weekend, I read this several times. These words speak to my heart in a way that only someone who understands the absence of a father the way I do. I can’t mourn him being passed away, because he’s not. But he’s just as absent from my life.

    Over Christmas this past year, I was at the point on my knees, crying and aching over not having my daddy here with me. In the parking lot outside the wedding reception of a dear friend who had her father give her a wonderfully moving speech about his “daddy’s girl”. But it’s through that pain that I’ve had to cling to my heavenly Father for the love and support I so badly want.

    Thank you, again, for your words and encouragement. So happy for our Father who knows our brokenness and can not only heal that pain, but can work through us in the pain as well.

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  43. Lauren–I wish I could have you over for dinner. We have much in common in regards to father issues & our great Papa God redeeming them. I think those of us who have been neglected & abandoned by our earthly fathers are naturally drawn to words like redemption. I love that word, possibly more than any other word, because it means hope & healing.

    It’s true that when we cling tightly to our Abba Father, we don’t doubt our worth. We know with certainty that we don’t need to be esteemed by any other person. You’re a blessing and a beautiful daughter of the Most High God. He delights in you & me–what a gift.

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  44. “But eternal perspective is this: Battle wounds create a pain that drives us to a healer we would not otherwise know & give a God-assigned purpose we never could have found.

    The absence of your father creates room for your Father.”

    This brings tears to my eyes. I spent years having my father tell me I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, thin enough…always asking why it couldn’t be better. I couldn’t win, but still I tried because I was desperate for that love and acceptance.

    Years later my dad is not the man he use to be. He’s changed, but never acknowledged or apologized for the words he said over the years. It still hurts to not have that breaking acknowledged, but to rest in God’s secure, loving hand knowing that I am his cherished daughter…that is good.

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  45. I am just stunned at how short and sweet this is, but how incredibly POWERFUL these words are. Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s beautiful and a wonderful timely reminder!

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  46. What a gracious God we serve that He can use the absence of a father, or the presence of a father, to point us to Him.

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  47. It is not a good thing to not have a father but, remember that it can also be a bad thing to have one too when we have so many abusive fathers who can and, do make life a living hell here on earth for us. God the father is not a father who treats us with abuse and, He does take the place of a father and, our foucus should be on Him only when it comes to who is our real father because, sometimes a father doesn,t know how to love and, he can,t give what he doesn,t have to give. I had a father but, it would have been better if I didn,t have one because, of the abuse suffered so, I look only to my father in heaven for the love I need and, pray for all the fathers who don,t know how to love their children

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  48. I’d like to save this for my daughter, a girl without a father…

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  49. Carrie

    Thank you Lauren for this article..from the bottom of my heart..Thank You!!! I come from a family of men who treat the women and children as subservients..My Father was abusive mentally and physically…and my Mother always protected and made excuses for him!!!..I always felt so alone…until now.

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  50. Wow, thank you for that awesome article. You put it into words so well. I began to view God as my Father last year, and since then have seen a huge difference in the way that I relate to God, and to my earthly father (who left my family) as well. The idea of God being my father inspired me to start up a web site called All Filled Up where I hope to show other girls what God has shown me.
    I love how you put this into words! Great reminder.

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  51. Lilian Bassude

    I not only though that this is beautiful. But I can so much relate. I m now 27 years old and have only seen my earthly dad twice in my life when i was 17yrs old and feel very distant from him. I m actually secptical on where his my biolgical dad at all because when I was 3 days old my mother died. My whole family don’t appartently have any pictures of her so I’ve never known her or know how she looks like. I use to fear that in all my existence I may never know what she looked like even through pictures. It sadden me but since getting to know christ, I have come to accept him as the only mother and father that I have truely had and will ever have. Praise be to God that He has blessed me with my now 9 year old boy who’s dad has also been absent. But in God’s lovemy son is blessed to Know and have his mum who is a believer in God and Christ Jesus his son. We are greatful indeed and proud to call God our eternal father whose love is faithful, unconditional,and eternal. Praise be to Jesus’ name forever.

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  52. Helena

    I’d just finished going through a pile of tissue, crying my eyes out for a thousandth time as some of us here did. I keep thinking how much easier it is for my friends who come from more ‘complete’ families to move on quicker in life. I see them getting married, serving in ministry and in their communities. Just think these hurts slow me down. Not many around me in church talk about or understand the pains of being fatherless so it was really hard on Father’s Day this year when I bawled my eyes out during service. All I want to say is that this condition really feels very lonely to bear with and tonight is one of those dark days. I’m still walking through this foggy maze called healing. I know a mind transformation and identity affirmation is also needed through His words plus remaking a lot of decisions. I just hope it won’t take me 40 years to be healed, to trust Him and to be ‘whole’. Thank you for writing this Lauren. I’m just glad to know we’re not alone and pray His comfort reaches all who are hurting right now.

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  53. Nichole

    I am going to admit that part of me was cringing when reading this because I am trying to come to grips still with not knowing my Dad. Ever since I was saved I have been in an ackward stage of failing and regaining my relationship with God because I am unable to see Him as Who He is supposed to be as Father. I guess I write this with a somewhat bitter heart as I know that not having an earthly father is a somewhat blessing but it is also a curse. I do agree with your post and I am sure God wanted me to stumble upon this to remind me that ‘He is Father enough,’ but can I be open and blunt enough to say that I’m kind of mad at Him that I’ve never even met my Dad? I was so close to asking my Mom tonight about who my Dad is but I could never muster up the courage. I guess I could say thanks that you posted this; being open and honest is important and I know one day when Im healed in this area I will fully appreciate and understand what you’ve written. Thank you!

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  54. Meriah

    This Really Made A Big Impact On Me . I Am 14 Years Old , And Have No Father In My Life . I Cry All Tha Time Because Of It . Every Year , On June 17th , He Is My Birthday Wish . I Say His Name As I Blow Out Tha Candles . But I Know That If I Needed Him , He Would Be Here . So There Is Nothing I Can Do . I’ll Just Have To Learn To Live With My Mom ; ♥ [:

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  55. timreichon

    Dear Lauren, Thank you so much for writing this…… i lost my birth father back in october 2008… but thankfully God has always been there for me and i believe that its all part of His plan to better me in someway or the other…. your words here really do encourage me more. Thank you and God Bless ya.
    God’s Love & Mine………….. Takecare.

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  56. Jessica

    Amazing truths! Thank you.

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  57. This is powerful stuff Lauren. Full of truth and hope. You’ve touched a place in my heart of which only the Lord and I speak of together in the quiet places and spaces.

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  58. Vickie

    This is also my story. Beautifully stated. Growing up fatherless broke me in so many ways. And when I was old enough I broke me. The hole in my life was filled with everything and nothing. I needed a father and I received my Father once I opened my heart. Blessed is a beautiful way to put it. Today my husband is an example of all a father should and can be. The way he loves our children deepens my love for my Father. He’s engaged, involved, loving, protective…and I am blessed beyond measure.

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  59. KarlIna

    This post reached out and grabbed my heart tonight. I was definitely feeling the loneliness of not have a father or a mother tonight more than normal and this was such a great reminder and as Psalm 27:10 says: Even if my father and mother abandon me,the Lord cares for me. Thanks for sharing your heart! It’s beautiful.

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  60. Lisbeth Aho

    Thank you for writing this. Lately I have felt condemned by God and at the same time desperate for a Father. I have had a desperate hunger for male acceptance. I am 23 and am living with my parents after being for 4 years on my own. I had a lonely childhood despite my 12 siblings and Mom and Dad. My Dad was there, but not emotionally. I never felt good enough. I always felt like I couldn’t please him. I asked too many questions. I wasn’t like my sister who was quiet, obedient and smart. Somehow, when people don’t treat me well I feel as though it is my fault. That if I possessed the full measure of the Holy Spirit they would be more joyful and feel more loved. I know God is my Father but I don’t know how to have a relationship with Him. I need to be held, I need to be comforted. I need to look into His eyes and see acceptance and love. Most of what I was told about God as a child was a legalistic perspective on God. I have since learned that He is loving but it’s hard for me to know this everyday..

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  61. Deena allen

    I’m in tears at the moment. Being a father less daughter its a very hurtful experience. Only other father less daughters can understand,certainly when your father makes a choice to be absent in your life. Mine entered my life @ 15 but @ 41 I still have major daddy issues. He’s around, but lacks understanding of how his choices affected me. Seems he is capable of just “putting it all behind him ” and acting like” it’s OK”… I was there the whole time … While I’m like…. I was 15 man… I know you weren’t there for me. He’s often condescending to me and even more so, lacks any sort of compassion for me. I love him and I have forgiven him but struggle with liking him. Not once has he apologized to me for his absence in my life or how he left my mother to raise me alone @17. What I have learned from this situation is that I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m a better daughter for having been without an earthly father….. I’m kind, honest, compassionate, understanding and forgiving. but my mother and my Heavenly Father have done a great job working together to raise a compassionate, loving, responsible mother of 2 daughter’s, who is happily raising a son that may not be mine by birth but he’s is mine by heart. I learn everyday about how a father loves his daughter by watching my husband with our girls. I won’t lie and say I don’t wish I had known it myself, but I’m grateful to see it in this way. Blessed in so many ways ♥ thank you for writing this.

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  62. Dominique y

    This made me cry. God is working so much in my life rn it’s crazy!! He has been revealing Himself to me a lot lately and now this. I love this. I’m a fourteen year old girl and I’ve always wondered why I don’t have a father. I mean ik my fathers a piece of shit and so were my other step dads but I never got why couldn’t I grow up with both parents. So I asked God why. And I was really confused and started to wonder “does God use everything good and bad from our past and can He make something awesome from anything?” So I thought and thought and I said nothing good can come from lacking a father. Then like a day or two later we go to church and the pastor is preaching regularly nothing standing out to me and then he started talking about how God CAN and WILL use everything from your background. I was holding back tears. I was so happy to hear that. I have no idea how God will use this to help me or someone else but I know He will. Oh and in that same service the pastor answered my mothers questions. That pastor gets used ALOT by God. My favorite name for God is Heavenly Father. I love listening to The Fathers Love Letter. God is seriously so good all the time. Forgive me Lord for not seeing that all the time. That you a bunch for posting this God bless :) and if you want to listen to that church who has quite a few pastors they’re also on YouTube ( Bayside Church) my favorite pastors are curt Harlow , Ray Johnson ( he’s da besttttt ) , and Chris brown.

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    • Dominique

      My bad his name is ray “johnston”

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