gift of gifts

herein is wonder of wonders;
He came below to raise me above,
was born like me so i could become like Him.

it’s easy to forget.

between gifts and lights and rushing through traffic, the Truth is lost.

i’ve had trouble remembering this season, and it’s not because i’m too busy. it’s more because i’m hesitant. those quick-to-reach defense mechanisms seem mighty tempting when your heart’s a little gun-shy about crashing into Grace. so i’ve resisted.

but my Lover doesn’t do well with resistance.

despite my prone to wander heart, He’s pursued me. my messiness doesn’t bother Him. my questions don’t unnerve Him. and in the middle of church, being reminded about Hope come to our world to save and redeem – my soul could barely stand the weight of glory.

herein is love;
when i cannot rise to Him He draws near on
wings of grace,
to raise me to Himself.

a week later, i am overcome again. sitting in the middle of my parents’ living room singing christmas carols to baby Jesus, the last thing i want to do is come face-to-face with my inability to stand in His presence. i’m way too vulnerable – way too anxious. and when we start singing songs that speak to me of freedom and rescue and Hope, He grabs my heart and won’t let go. i feel my husband’s hand on my back and i know he knows. my eyes get all wet because i can’t avoid the rush of glory filling my chest and it’s just bubbling over – cleansing me despite my resistance. i hear His voice above the singing,

I am here. I have come. I have rescued and redeemed you – I have called you by name. death’s dark shadows are put to flight. 

and the tears boiled hot in my throat because oh how He saved me.

Herein is wisdom;
when i was undone, with no will to return to Him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
He came, God-incarnate, to save me
to the uttermost,
a man to die unto my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me. (*)

i’ve written this year about Him coming along side me - about His whispering jubilee in my heart long before i even knew what it entailed. far too often i’m undone, completely unwilling and unable to recover. i shake and recoil from His touch and resist the healing because it hurts. 

but God.

this phrase means infinitely more after this year.

because i am unwilling.
i am hesitant.
i am hiding.
i am timid.
i am unclean.
i am broken.

but God.

He came.

He came for me. 

and He continues to do so. this is Grace colliding with my hesitant heart. this is the Gift of gifts.

*from gift of gifts in valley of vision