The junior high boys swore under their breath, and I looked at them wide-eyed and appalled. I slapped their hands, half-chastening, half-flirting, said, “You shouldn’t say that!”
Once, the skinny youth group drummer, fed up with my judgy stares, challenged, “Where does it say in the Bible that you shouldn’t swear?” And I went home and combed carefully through my concordance, searching for scriptural justification for my moral high ground.
To my surprise, the word “swear” was only mentioned with regards to vows. And though there were a number of verses about words of malice and slander, about corrupting and foolish talk, about gossip and anger and carelessness, there was nothing specifically about curse words.
I wrote it out anyway, this vague list of Bible verses related to words, language, the mouth. I used my neatest handwriting and filled two sides of a sheet of notebook paper. And when I handed it to Skinny Drummer Boy during youth group that Sunday morning, his jaw dropped, like he couldn’t believe I was for real.
I was.
So committed was I to swear-less speech, that I made it all the way into my 20s without uttering a single “curse word.” I even endured the heart-wrenching end of my first serious relationship without uttering so much as a dammit.
But then my life spun a little bit off its hinges, and I was reeling in the darkness. And as I tried to navigate my way through it, I found that darn it was no longer the honest response. Shoot didn’t really cut it. Where the heck are you God wasn’t really what I wanted to say when I screamed into the quiet.
The right words were the ones that I wasn’t “supposed” to say, and they cut to the heart of my pain like arrows. They said it exactly right.
*
I learned somewhere that the Greek word the Apostle Paul uses in Philippians 3:8 can be translated as shit. He’s trying to create a jarring perspective between the things he has lost and the “surpassing worth of knowing Christ.” As in, “It’s all just a bunch of worthless shit compared to what I’ve gained.”
It makes sense to me that he would use that word. It makes sense to me that in trying to get to the shocking hard truth of it, he would need to use the sharp word. The strong word. The one that’s a little bit dirty around the edges.
And I think that the curse words themselves are not actually the problem. It’s our misuse of them. It’s the way we overuse them, throw them away. It’s the way we lob them angrily at one another like grenades. We do this over and over, and we turn them into blunted, powerless things. And that, most of all, is the problem.
*
The dictionary definition of profane is to treat something with abuse, irreverence or contempt, and so I would argue that a word only really becomes profanity when we forget the weight of it. When we let our mouths run three miles ahead of our brains. When we are careless and abusive with it.
Any time I use a four-letter word to hurt another person, it is profane. When I let it drop carelessly from my lips in frustration or irritation, I am using it irreverently.
I am really good at recognizing the difference when I’m writing. The typing slows me down, causes me to think, allows me to decide whether this is really the right word here, and if it is the right one, to use it boldly. In my speaking I rarely give it that kind of thought, and words fall profanely from my lips before I can stop them. (Now that the kids are starting to repeat every.single.thing, I’m going to have to start myself a swear jar.)
But, here, I think is where we miss it: it’s not just curse words that can become profane. It can happen to any word. It’s possible, I think, even to make God-talk profane.
When we say the easy thing instead of the true thing. When we slouch into Christian cliché instead of listening. When we give the easy answers, dismiss one another’s pain, idly make promises that we have no intention of keeping — all of that is language abused, defiled, tossed away.
And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck.
*
In the end, the best last word I can find about the whole thing is Colossians 4:6: Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Not a command so much as a blessing. We are all living these fragile lives, and there are no perfect words. Just grace, seasoned with salt…and maybe the occasional four-letter word.
May the God who made the mouth, the heart, the wide complex world and all its language give us the courage to speak it true, to speak it in love, to hold our words like glass.
And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck….. This right bere says it all to me…. Im big on wirds so this speaks to me. I hate when ppl just say what they “think” is right. No say what is needed. It may not sound holy all tbe time but its what is needed
Yes. What is necessary doesn’t always sound holy. So true. Thanks for commenting.
Exactly what rocsanne said. (Actually, exactly what most people said.) I have been at wakes–particularly wakes for young people–where the only response is “this sucks.” Or perhaps “this fucking sucks.” For me, it’s almost a standing in solidarity with the bereaved, together looking at God and asking, “What the hell is THIS? What were you thinking?”
On a different note: what is and is not defined as a curse word is so culturally determined, and changes so quickly, that I have a hard time getting worked up over it. Etymology counts for something too. So “shit” is so satisfying that I allow myself the liberal use of it. On the other hand, “gadzooks”–a curse word from 400 years ago, which I just love the sound of–is apparently short for “by God’s hooks,” i.e., the nails that pierced Christ on the cross. That pretty much stops me from ever using the word. Your mileage may vary.
As one who lost someone way too young (my fiance was 34 when he died), I appreciate your solidarity with the bereaved. “What the hell is THIS? What were you thinking?” indeed.
I probably was considered a “good girl” growing up…so swearing was my way of “rebelling” – so awful, I know
I grew out of it in college and once I had kids there was no way I was going to let those words slip. But after coming out of some really dark years, those were the only words that fit sometimes.
“When we say the easy thing instead of the true thing.” – love this. Reminded me of a post I wrote called Christianese Sucks.
Thanks Addie for sharing this.
For me too in the dark years. Thanks Amber.
I LOVED this! Since becoming a Christian I’ve managed to tuck away all of my swearing, except for those moments when spiders appear in front of my face or I drop a vase on my little toe – the words are obviously hiding in there just waiting for me to stop censoring myself. But it’s true: sometimes it’s NOT a bad day, or even a really bad day, it’s just a shitty day.
Yes. And sometimes it’s so comforting to hear someone say it out loud. Thanks Belle.
This is so great. There’s this subtle pressure on Christians to sugar coat things. Like we’re not really supposed to admit it when life gets bad because that might mean our God’s not coming through for us; like we have to cover for God or something.
I agree with your comment. Very well said. I have found that people who are searching are craving honesty and truth. They can smell fake a mile away, even if they don’t really know what “unfake” is. In the world but not of the world does not mean that they should not be able to relate to us at all or us them. Yes, we are set apart, and yes, there is “something different” about us, but there is something different about having a 3rd eye too, and yet I’m not so sure that I want to sit over coffee with that person and consider joining their world.
Ha! Yes. Agreed. Being different is not enough. Being the right kind of different, that’s where I want to be.
“like we have to cover for God or something.” — Yes. I notice this too. Like when someone tells you about something really hard in their life and then hurries to tack on at the end something like, “…but I know God has a plan.” Knowing that doesn’t make it easier, and I think that faith doesn’t always look like strength. Thanks Lindsay.
THIS. Is exactly what I would’ve said, but you articulated it way better then I could have. Love. Love. Love.
Thanks so much. Kind words.
Just the other day I was standing beside a hospital bed, hearing the patient say, “God never gives us more than we can handle, right?” I didn’t know the person well enough to say “bullshit”… or even “what a bunch of crap”… but I was able to say, “Maybe I’m a heretic, but I think it happens all the time…”
I was thinking the same thing. God gives us stuff we can’t handle ALL the time. If we COULD handle it, we wouldn’t need Him. And there is often call for a well-placed swear word at times like that.
Seconded. So, so seconded. I grew up in the church, but I became a Christian the day I broke down in tears and informed God that I couldn’t handle the prospect of another day in the situation I was in, so I was making it his problem. And yes, there was a lot of swearing in that conversation.
I really like this post as well. Swearing wasn’t part of my vocabulary growing up and it was probably a good thing. I was already pretty abusive with my words, so adding mis-used curse words would have made things a lot worse. The whole “God never gives us more than we can handle” thing is probably my #1 pet peeve. Nowhere in scripture does it say this. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” this is the verse that people are usually mis-quoting when they say that God won’t give us more than we can handle. My answer is BULLSHIT! Of COURSE God is going to give us more than WE can handle. we were never meant to handle everything on our own apart from God in the first place. If we were meant to handle everything in life, then we have no need of a savior and the cross is meaningless. we have to recognize that we are always in need of God’s help in every area of our life. We need to stop “handling” everything in our own strength and depend on God.
Yes, yes, yes. (One of my most popular posts over at the How to Talk Evangelical Blog is on “More Than You Can Handle.” In my opinion, it’s the lowest kind of Christian cliche — the one that writes off other peoples’ pain: http://howtotalkevangelical.addiezierman.com/?p=997)
I needed this today
I completely agree. My pastor used the phrase “what the hell was the point” several times in his sermon last week. And the first time he said it I think I stopped breathing for a second haha. He doesn’t ever really curse on stage, and it certainly wasn’t done lightly. I think it was appropriate and you could feel the tension in the room as we all thought about the times we ask God, “what the hell was all of this faith and prayer and hope for?” I love your thoughts on this. Cursing is something I’ve been thinking about a lot in the last few years, and this sums it all up nicely.
I think there’s something key about that too. In a culture where the 4-letter-words tend to run pretty rampant, if you make a decision to *only* use them when you really, really mean them, then it’s like they’re redeemed in a small way. They take back a little bit of that power. I love how your pastor did that. Thanks for sharing Kelly.
“May the God who made the mouth, the heart, the wide complex world and all its language give us the courage to speak it true, to speak it in love, to hold our words like glass.”
Amen.
Patricia…
“to hold our words like glass” excellent.
Yes. So much, just yes.
“When we say the easy thing instead of the true thing. When we slouch into Christian cliché instead of listening. When we give the easy answers, dismiss one another’s pain, idly make promises that we have no intention of keeping — all of that is language abused, defiled, tossed away.”
This is truth.
Thanks Tracie.
When it comes to language, I’ve often found that the teaching of Paul about food sacrificed to idols helps. If your conscience is clear, then you’re fine.
I really like what you have to say here about how we use our words, and that rings really true to me. We could very well be using words in a kind of profane way without four letter words because we are judging, discouraging, etc.
It just seems like Christians (evangelicals in particular) put such a premium on the evil of these 6 or 7 words. But we seem to turn a blind eye to entire conversations that are devestatingly hurtful. Gossip and slandered masked as “prayer request” or Scripture used to maim someone. That to me is a hundred thousand times worse.
I do not mind hearing someone cuss if it is when it seems “appropriate”. I do mind when the words are just part of their vocabulary and their vocabulary is so slim they can not find a better word to use.
I prefer hearing a cuss word during a passionate statement than another word uttered in obvious restraint. I prefer the raw unedited person than the one hid behind a facade.
Although I cuss often in my head and when alone I do hold the words I put out for others like glass as Patricia said. If someone hears me cuss they know damn well they better listen.
Hi Mark–credit goes to Addie, not me, for the beautiful imagery of holding words like glass…I only quoted Addie, and then I responded with my “Amen”, because her sentence struck me as a prayer, and that feeling of “let it be” was my deep response.
For some reason I totally missed that. Thanks for letting me know. I do believe we need to do that with our words. We should set our words down like a glass and not throw them against the wall. Thanks Patricia.
I agree…and, you’re welcome!
Slim vocabulary: The word “like” is to some people as the f*word is to others- the only sentence enhancer they seem to know. I’m “like” guilty too, but some people are R rated in the like dept… (In retrospect, I have gotten a bit off topic, and this was probably just pointless grammar ranting. haha)
I’m like ok with that!
Yeah, but I think you can really hurt people with the “f” word. It’s a much more powerful word anyway, where as “like” is benign.
Yes. When these words become “filler” words in our normal sentences, we’ve completely lost the plot in my opinion.
Oh, I absolutely agree Mallory. This was simply a vocabulary observation, but yes, the degree is to be considered for sure!
Oh, this articulates far better than I could how I feel about those 4 letter darlings. I grew up not cussing only to substitute other words. But as a writer, I’m always searching for the best word not its second cousin., and sometimes, it isn’t the prettiest, most Christian approved one either. Lately, God hears a lot of cussing mouth because it is the only way I can pray in this darkness.
It’s how I pray in the darkness too Sarah. I love what you said about “the best word, not it’s second cousin.” That’s exactly it. Thank you.
“And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck.” Yes! Yes! Yes! This is so perfect. Thank you!
I completely agree with you, Addie.
Now, how do I teach this to my children? Especially when my son tells me he doesn’t like it when I say the word “crap.” (Perhaps he’s right – perhaps I’m letting it drop profanely?) This is what I’m wrestling with now. I’m a parent of children who hear and repeat and am I being a good example or a bad one?
I have absolutely no idea. What a great question. I guess, for me, that’s where the “swear jar” comes in, because I want to communicate that there are certain words that are a little explosive and that you should only use them with extreme caution and in the exact right circumstances. I need to find a way to be as careful in my everyday speech as I am in my writing.
So wise, Addie. I grow frustrated when I hear people toss those words around – either to hurt others or just out of laziness. I want something better, a more thoughtful way of speaking and living, for myself and for those I love. Thanks for this post.
“I want something better, a more thoughtful way of speaking and living, for myself and for those I love.” Yes. Exactly.
Tony Campolo gave a sermon in our church a few years back where he talked about his experience in Africa watching the trucks going through the streets in the morning picking up the bodies of all the children who had died overnight. And the problem, he said, wasn’t so much rooted in lack of food or clean water … it was ultimately that we, as the body of Christ, don’t give a shit. And then after a pause he added … and we are more upset about my saying “shit” from the pulpit than what is happening to these children.
That one has really stuck with me, and I think your perspective adds some depth to the whole issue.
Yes. That’s it exactly. A perfect example. Thank you, Jim.
My son’s seizures make me swear like a sailor and I too am a “good girl.” You’ve said exactly what I’ve felt to be true and couldn’t articulate. And just “Wow” to Jim Fisher’s Tony Campolo story. So true.
I can completely understand that. My kid’s rotten behavior makes me swear like a sailor, and that’s a way worse excuse. (Loved the Campolo story too). Thanks Heather.
Thanks for this. I also grew up hearing that cussing=sin, but as an adult, I found that that position couldn’t be backed up by Scripture. Then again, I also grew up in a church which said that men who had facial hair were in sin, because mustaches and beards are “worldly”. No reasonable Christian these days would find such a mindset to be scriptural, either.
I think it gets dangerous when we veer toward extremes like that. What about all those pictures of the blonde-haired Jesus? He, I’m positive, had a beard!
LOVE this! I was smiling, because we have been on such a similar journey. I never used to swear – and now- well, put it this way – in anticipation of what he suspected I would say during labur, my husband was keen to conceal the fact he was a vicar! I think you are utterly right about what defines profane and this?
“And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck.”
YES. And still when I read that line, I find myself crying. Because I’ve just had a Chrsitian say an equivalent cliche, which was so unexpectedly hurtful – and I wish more people had the courage to just say fuck. These were the right words for me today, Addie. Thank you.
I had a few friends say the four-letter-words to me when I was in my darkest time, and what I heard wasn’t a “swear word.” It was solidarity and love and an entering into the sadness of it. It sounded, to my ear, like grace. Thanks for this honest, beautiful comment Tanya.
Standing ovation, Addie. Helluva post here. Well done.
Thanks lady.
I hear you, and I’m mostly with you. I really agree that God-talk and Christian cliches can become a sort of profanity. But, I have to confess that I think some swear words should be removed from the language, and the “f” word is one of them. “Shit, crap, hell” – these words already refer to something that can be thought of as dirty or frightful. “Damn” has never bothered me a bit. Like you, I think that these words, used judiciously and sparingly, can season speech. But “f—” refers to an act that is supposed to be beautiful, a gift, an act that creates life. Similarly, curse words containing God’s name upset me because the very utterance of them makes something beautiful into something ugly. Those of us who have grown up in the Christian culture live in danger of becoming legalistic about words, and that’s silly, but I do think maturity and wisdom call us to refrain from some words altogether. People who curse reflect to me a world-weariness that says, “I have just given up hope.” Sometimes, even Christians feel the weight of the world heavily, and sometimes, a word like “shit” is just an honest response. But, “f—” says to me, “Nothing is beautiful anymore, and I have no hope.” We Christians season the world best when we reflect that in spite of the hardships of life (even cancer), we do have hope and we don’t have to behave like the rest of the culture where hopelessness has bred vulgarity that is now the norm. There’s a middle ground somewhere between “God never gives you more than you can handle” and “f—.”
Laura,
I agree with you on the use of the “f” word, and would say that the term “that sucks!” feels that way too. but also when I hear you say “Nothing is beautiful anymore, and I have no hope”, sometimes that is what is meant. When I have a day that I hear the too-common sorrows of the world—-a friend loosing a house, another that cancer has recurred for the third time, another that is about to be put out of their house, sometimes that is exactly what I mean. And at the same time as I say it, I am also looking up and saying, “So God, this is too much for me, help!”
Laura,
I certainly understand what you are saying and like you say mostly agree. I too do not like anyone should use God’s name when they cuss. However when I think of the use of the f word it has like most words in our language different meanings for the same word. I do not like to hear it used if it is in relation to sex. I think the use of it should be very infrequent as well. It is one of those paints that you do not put on the palette too often. I do not mind hearing it during a personal conversation and when it reflects an anguish of the soul that I know can exist. For me the word can reflect a hopelessness that we all feel from time to time although we know with God we always have hope. Regardless of our knowledge of that hope we all fall in the miry pit of having the hope beat out of us at times and to cry out the f word verbalizes that. We can not run from how we feel regardless of what we know. Sometimes we need to go through the rant and rave time to get to a better place and we need to also allow others that freedom and doing so can help them move on.
In your nice post about your letting go you said “Anxiety abhors a vacuum” and I think that at times the weight of life crushes us down so that we must respond in the vacuum and the only coherent thing we can come up with is a word that cries out that it is damn hard… “f…”
Thanks, Laura, for the insightful, brave comment. I absolutely see where you’re coming from, and I guess it depends on what angle you’re looking at the word from. F— used in the context of sex, to me, feels like the act stripped of the meaning and beauty. It evokes in me feelings of a kind of split between head and heart. And so it makes sense to me to use a word that expresses a broken picture of a beautiful thing to respond to something terrible like cancer.
F— seems appropriate because this is not how it’s supposed to be. We’re not made for this pain, this dying, this sickness and brokenness. We’re made for intimacy and beauty and we’ve been robbed of it by our own brokenness and by the sin-steeped world.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m over-analyzing the whole thing. Certainly if the word feels hopeless to you, then there’s no need to use it. There are other ways, other words, to express solidarity and understanding. But I would also caution you not to assume that the person who says it is hopeless. They might just be looking at things a little differently.
Thanks for your gracious response. There’s no judgment on my part. I think my objection to the f word is more aesthetic than moral. I do understand the idea of it being a cry from the depths, and I’ve cried out myself a time or two. This is the best answer I read: “it makes sense to me to use a word that expresses a broken picture of a beautiful thing to respond to something terrible like cancer.”
This response brought tears to my eyes. It feels so rare to come to a discussion from different points of view and leave it appreciating and valuing both each other and each other’s opinion more than when you started. I love that about the Deeper Story crowd…this willingness to engage and discuss and to approach the whole thing in a spirit of love and grace. Thanks for writing.
As a sexual assault survivor who has heard that my fear is sinful because perfect love casts out fear…and as a women whose father has cancer who has heard the lovely “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” – I agree wholeheartedly with your statements. I most certainly do not think sanitized thoughts to God about atrocities and the hard things of life, and when people response to overwhelming pain with restraint or platitudes, it shouts to me that they are more concerned with their own comfort than they are with helping me bear burdens. Profane indeed.
I know I’ve been guilty of it, though. I know it. I just…I hope that now that I understand, I strive to love people where they are instead of silencing them or shaming them.
I’m so sorry that that beautiful scripture was used to shame you for your fear. That makes me unbelievably angry. Profanity. That’s straight up profanity.
I’m guilty of it too though…the platitudes. It’s hard to know how to enter into someone’s pain in a way that they can feel. Praying all the time for grace.
Your stride of using honesty with an even treatment of scripture is freeing, Addie. I’ve come to these same conclusions in my personal life, and I’m relieved to see them affirmed here through you, my like-minded new friend. Thank you.
Thanks so much Renee. Love finding like-minded friends.
*slow standing clap*
Gorgeous, darling.
Aw. I can almost hear it. Thanks so much.
“And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck.”
This line strikes so close to home for me. On the evening right after my husband got his cancer diagnosis, for our dinner prayer, he could only say, “God? Fuck.”
If we are all really honest with ourselves, journeying through life (Christian or not) holds so much tension, between faith and doubt, between hope and hopelessness, between fear and peace. I find it easier to go through life being honest in expressing the fear and the hopelessness, in light of hearing far too many profanities in the form of Christian platitudes over the past year. I think “saying the easy thing” comes from a place of naivety and never experiencing too much hardship in life, or a place of denial and disengagement from reality, because reality is really hard to deal with sometimes.
Thank you for advocating the speaking of truth.
I so resonate with your husband’s response. Nothing as devastating has happened to me, but those are the words I used with God in my sharpest moments of pain too. It’s a mistake to tell each other that they’re never appropriate, that they somehow offend the one who made language and knows our hearts in the first place. Love your honest beautiful walk of faith. Thanks for the comment.
This is a very complicated and sensitive topic. As a child I would actually have my mouth washed out with soap if I called my younger brothers “stupid.”
I remember talking with a friend about the word “shit.” He argued that the Bible actually does talk about what we’d consider cuss words, but they are usually understood as curses. He said that the phrase “I gotta take a shit” wouldn’t necessarily be bad (albeit pretty crass and crude). But if you were to degrade someone and liken them to “shit”, then you mentally wish harm upon that person (whether it be on their value, or even physical harm). The big question becomes what is our underlying meaning of what we say.
But on the other hand, words do have a history and sometimes even bring up awful connotations. It seems as though arguing for a situational ethical standard for using these words isn’t always the best thing. I’ve read through several comments and many have already acknowledged that the F-word usually conjures up pictures of violence. Same with the “fa-word” (starts with f and rhymes with maggot).
We are a culture that values free-speech and understands it as being able to say whatever the hell we want. We’d like to imagine that words do not have power. In a expressive free-for-all, it seems as though we would neglect the potential harm that some words bring.
I wrote on this too a while back:
http://billyymcmahon.wordpress.com/2011/10/12/the-thing-about-cuss-words/
Thanks for the insight, Billy, and for linking to your own article. I guess when it comes to racial slurs like the “fa-word,” I was trying to cover those things with this line: “Any time I use a four-letter word to hurt another person, it is profane.” Any word we say that diminishes the value of another person is straight-up profane, in my opinion–whether it is four letters or 14.
I’d not thought about the f— word conjuring up violence, but it’s certainly a good point. In the case of the cancer example I used though, isn’t that itself a violent thing? I violence against body and soul, something that God never intended for us but came in through the cracks of a broken world? In my mind, it seems to fit the circumstance…but I recognize that everyone has their own take on it. Thanks for your thoughts!
Thank you for placing this discussion within the broader scope of our language and words in general. Like you said, it’s not about specific good or bad words, but about choosing our words wisely, with care, and speaking them in boldness when they are needed. I could just restate everything you said, but you said it so much better, so I’ll stop.
Thanks so much Courtney. Yes, I think it’s bigger than just a list. It’s the way we view our words as a whole.
And God always sees the heart… may we learn to do the same
Amen.
What an awesome outlook on swearing and profane language. I have been aware of this for some time and have lost a few christian freinds because I embrace these ideals. To me swearing is taking Gods name in vane. You’ll hear me asking forgivness when I let one of these doozies out.
Thanks Walker.
Bravo, Addie. There’s a breaking-in phase where you learn how to naturally use words like hell, damn, shit…after that you can get creative and redeem those words, not in the least being dishonest or silly but infusing even those desperate cries with hope (my favorite four letter word). For example, instead of just saying shit, how about saying shitshitshittyshit? A little repetition turns the whole thing on its head. Or instead of fuck, how about fuckadoodledo? Say that in a crowd and people will wonder what kind of person are you? Its what Bruce Cockburn calls ‘kicking at the darkness’…its a form of play really, only something that people of hope can honestly do. Having said that, I don’t play this way around my mother…all things are possible but not things all profitable.
I love this interesting take on “kicking at the darkness.” And I think you’re right about the learning curve. And I love, love, love “hope” as the favorite four-letter word. Mine too.
This topic has been on my heart and mind for a long time. It’s another one where those choosing never to swear often hold their alleged holiness over the heads of those of us still using words like shit where appropriate… and I do think that these words are appropriate sometimes. Even fuck ~ which really just means “to fiddle with” but yes, is far too often abused. I teach my children these things, and now I will also teach them that we must “hold our words like glass”. Thank you.
I would love to feature this on my blog if you would allow me to. Thanks again.
Thanks so much Jenny. You have my permission, though I’m not sure what Deeper Story’s policy is on that sort of thing. Might want to check with Nish (our editor.) Thanks again!
I learned this, but did not yet know how to articulate it, when my dear friend’s sister took her own life. She said to me on several occasions that she HATED it when people would give her or her family the “Christian” platitudes. She would get angry because they were never helpful. I learned that most times, in those dark places, saying nothing is better than saying the “Christian” thing. And sometimes, “fuck” is the only thing. All she needed was a bodily presence walking right alongside her through the deepest mire. Not a cheerleader. Thank you for articulating it so perfectly.
“All she needed was a bodily presence walking right alongside her through the deepest mire. Not a cheerleader.” Yes, Ashley. Beautifully said. Thanks.
I’m around tons of kids teaching music during the week and I do try to be very careful around them. Some things are age inappropriate. But I do believe that we live in a fallen craptastic world and sometimes my language reflects that. I loved this:
“And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck.”
When I was diagnosed last year several of my friends had exactly the same response. That was exactly what I needed and meant the world to me. They understood the graveness of the situation. What followed with other “helpful” people who had all the nice Christian things to say made me want to punch them. I sat through them because I knew they loved me but they were painful. When my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few months ago I was fresh out of the ability to sit through a whole new round of helpfull platitudes and cancer cures. I’ve gotten to the point now where I stop them and let them know that I’ve heard that before and they aren’t really going to appreciate my response if they continue… that it will probably include the F word. Sometimes raw language works best when dealing with raw pain. Thank you.
Thanks so much for your response Linda. I’m so sorry that your family has been through so much pain and grief. I think you said it beautifully here: “Sometimes raw language works best when dealing with raw pain,” and I think that it might be a good thing to stop people before they chime in with a platitude. We are so uncomfortable with peoples’ hard places. We need to learn how to speak fluently into the pain. Thanks for sharing your story and your struggle. Love to you and your husband.
A wonderful, well written and REAL LIFE post. Thank you!!
The urge to wittily and irreverently swear here is almost too. much. to. resist.
Great post.
F Yeah!
Ha! I wondered if I’d get any of those. Way to restrain.
In college I remember people throwing around the Bible verse, Ephesians 4:29 when someone swore. But that verse says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Unwholesome talk is not swearing. At our house we talk about how words are neither good or bad, they are simply a compilation of letters. It is how we use our words that matters. Is it kind? Is it demeaning?
But since my kids are still in elementary school and I really don’t want to get a call from the teacher if my kid drops the f bomb because he is frustrated, we have learned to look in the dictionary and if the definition includes the phrase obscene, vulgar, or profane, we probably don’t want to use it at school.
“It is how we use our words that matters. Is it kind? Is it demeaning?” Yes. Love how you’re working with your kids to understand the difference and to recognize that there’s a time and a place for such language. I’ll have to remember this for when my kids get older.
Thanks Jen.
I have mixed feelings about curse words themselves. I grew up, like you, never swearing, sure it was on the same moral plane with getting drunk, shocked when I transferred into pubic school and heard people say “Shit!” everyday.
As an adult, I no longer care if people swear, if it’s appropriate. And sometimes, as you so wonderfully point out, it is the best word for the job.
But I really love your deeper point here: Profanity. And I think you are so right, that to profane something is a grave sin we often overlook.
The worst kind of profanity is Christian profanity, because it is a good meal gone rancid.
Well said Kelly
“The worst kind of profanity is Christian profanity, because it is a good meal gone rancid.” That is a highly quotable line. And a perfect metaphor. Thanks Kelly.
As usual you have put into words what so many of us think and feel! Well done, Addie.
As an aside, there are actual scientific studies that show swearing helps ease pain, both physical and psychological, particularly among those who do not normally swear.
Now that you say that, I think I’ve heard that too. And it makes sense. There’s something cathartic about it…as I learned during two labors.
Thanks for the insight and the kind words.
You absolutely nailed it, Addie. I wonder at times why we’ve given those 6 words such power. Why did they become taboo in the first place?
I had a similar upbringing. My mom didn’t even want me to say “crap” or “that sucks.” Swearing became a form of rebellion. But now, I’d say those words are sometimes the only way to properly convey emotion, as you’ve illustrated so well. And yet, some of the words season my speech regularly with no particular emphasis. I’ve chosen not to use Christian platitudes- shudder- but have I swung to the other side of the pendulum? This is good food for thought.
I’ll take that and raise you no using the word “butt” (bottom instead).
“And yet, some of the words season my speech regularly with no particular emphasis.” I think I’ve tilted that direction too. This was a bit of a come-to-Jesus post for me. I think it’s normal to swing to the opposite side of the spectrum when you’ve been on one extreme end for a long time. What I want most is to use all of my words with intention and grace. Which is going to take a whole lot of Jesus.
What about this?
.
But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. (Matthew 12:36 NKJV).
I do believe swearing in most senses is unnessecary and I do think that we will account for it on judgment day. But that goes with a lot of other words too, right? And I agree- saying hurtful things to or about others- swearing or not- is always wrong. I really do ask in earnest, not to be combative or judgmental. I have struggled with wanting to keep up with the beautiful stories here but haven’t really liked the cursing. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or what but swearing has just always made me very uncomfortable. Would love to hear your (loving) thoughts
Thanks for your honest and humble approach to this tension, Miranda. I’m so glad you commented.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no biblical scholar or pastor. I’m just a person trying to figure it out. But for me, it depends on how you understand the word, “idle.” The dictionary defines it as “lacking worth or basis,” and on that count, I think about how many idle words I utter during the day. The times that I yell at my kids when they don’t deserve it. The times when I gossip or complain.
I think you’re right — the vast majority of us don’t use our words — 4-letter ones or otherwise — with intention and then they do sort of fall into that “profanity” area. A cheapening of language. And isn’t that what all sin really is? A cheapening of something? Thank God for his grace. For his patience with us and his love that covers all of our idle words.
But I do also think that, used appropriately, these words are not sinful in and of themselves. They can be a powerful testament to his presence in pain. When I was going through my own “dark time,” I used them a lot. I used them when I began a conversation with someone I knew was a Christian, because I found that I could gauge exactly how much I could share with them about my struggle based on how they responded to my use of the word “shit.” If they recoiled, I knew that they certainly couldn’t handle the rest of my baggage. If they nodded calmly, I felt a sliver of hope. If they said it back in some way or form, it felt like they were saying, “I understand. I’m here. Go on.”
I’ve come to think that swearing is the language of pain. And Christ is all about entering into our pain.
Anyway, I don’t know if that answers any questions, but I hope that in spite of your discomfort, you’ll stay and continue to live in the tension. Some of us are more comfortable in that language than others. But in the end, we’re all in it together.
Thank you so much for your beautiful response. I was sweating as I typed and published that comment because I am never one for drama or ruffling feathers
. I’m so glad you didn’t see it that way. Your response was exactly what I needed. And I do think that beneath all the stories of hurt and life experience lies a lot of God’s grace. That’s what I’d like to think this site is all about 
.
God bless!
So glad you published the comment. I recognize that everyone has their viewpoint and great reasoning. This is just a little bit of what has felt true in my life. And yes, I think at the heart of this site is grace.
The question that has always irked me, since I was 10 and my dad put soap in my mouth for yelling “DANGIT!” when I smacked my elbow on the kitchen counter, was who decided what words were swear words? Language can be so arbitrary and unintentional and it’s so evolutionary in nature that “fuck” could easily mean something entirely different and inconsequential… but who decided it means what it does in our culture, and why is that so unforgivable, but not “frick” or “screw” or “crap”? They mean the same things in certain contexts, but somewhere along the way, someone decided one was worse than the other, and no one knows why.
My parents used to chastise my brothers and I all the time when we called each other names – “jerk” “asshole” “idiot” – so we decided to make up different words. And then they chastised us for that, too. So it isn’t the word itself, it’s the intention behind it, and so swear words themselves don’t mean as much to me as the context in which they are said.
“It isn’t the word itself, it’s the intention behind it, and so swear words themselves don’t mean as much to me as the context in which they are said.” So good. Thanks for that and for the insight into language itself. It’s so strange and slippery. I completely agree.
Great article! Thanks for saying it.
Amen! It is not the words we use, but our use of the words that is either profane or profound.
Thoughtfully done, Addie. Thank you. I choose not to use certain words because I don’t like them and I don’t like the way they’ve been overused, especially the f word. But I did learn to swear in seminary. :>) And there are several 4-letter words that are part of my private vocab now, and sometimes part of my more public speech as well. When they are used to indicate deep pain, shock, astonishment at the difficulties of this life – there is no language any more suited to the moment. When they are used for shock value only or when they are used so frequently that they either loss all their punch OR to listen feels a little like an assault, then I’m not a big fan. BUT what I really want to thank you for is the strong truth that we profane language all the time when we throw out overly-spiritualized, trite and/or mis-applied bits of scripture/Christianese/pat answers. That is worse, in my opinion. It trivializes people’s pain and misunderstands what it means to be a human person in a fallen world. Better to sit in silence than to utter such claptrap. MUCH better.
Thanks Diana. Yes, I think most of the time silence is the best place to start. If we (I) could just learn to think about it a bit more before speaking…so much of what is profane about language would probably disappear. It’s this urgency to say exactly what we think at the very moment we think it that ushers in so much of this carelessness and abuse.
I’ve been saying it, but nobody’s been listening. The bible says that “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” If God reads the heart, and he can see the wikedness within my own heart and still love me, he can handle my profanity.
Thanks for being transparant and true. Loved it.
Yes he can. Thanks John.
Brilliant, as usual. Seriously.
WRT Mt 12/36 (giving an account for every idle word), I believe that (a) it doesn’t mean what we think it means and (b) it’s being used out of context.
A) The NIV refers to “empty words”. The Amplified says, “idle (inoperative, nonworking)”.
B) Read the surrounding text. (Yanking a verse out of conbtext and wielding it as a sword all by itself is usually a bad idea.) Jesus was getting onto the Pharisees who (yet again) were acting like asses rather than men.
Putting the context with the alternative meanings results in a rather different statement. To me it suggests that people who have those who are not for Jesus are going to have a lot of answering to do for the foolish things they said.
The deeper I get into the Word, the more I am convinced that God is far more interested in relationship than rules. He’s happier with passionate people than people tip-toeing around, terrified they might screw (oops) up (see hot, cold and lukewarm).
During my hippie days I got in the habit of cussing all the time. years later, woprds still come out of my mouth that shouldn’t, usually just because I’m annoyed and the words just slip out. Otherwise I don’t use “coarse language” too often. But as has been said oft here sometimes those are simply the only words that fit.
Thanks for this context, Miles and for reminding us to view the entire context. Great thoughts here.
Bethany and Addie, Very intriguing topic and comments.
It is generally agreed the acronym FUCK was an Old English legal term for adultery. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. It is a powerful word and has resisted every effort to remove it from our language.
Using one word in place of another is called euphemism. Dangit for Dammit, etc.
Just as a child or adult will use words to let parents or other adults know they are upset, people do the same with God. Over 50 years, I noticed a pattern for those having suffered trauma causing them to leave God. These people curse fluently and aggressively as if challenging God to pay attention and talk to them or discipline them.
“These people curse fluently and aggressively as if challenging God to pay attention and talk to them or discipline them.” See, to me this still feels good because it’s still communication. It’s once we start asking God to talk to us (in whatever angry or profane ways we need to) that we really get in trouble, I think. Thanks for your great insights.
Well, there IS Ephesians 5:4, which, no matter what translation you read, pretty much says obscenity, coarseness, and foolish talk has no place in the mouth of a believer, but instead thanksgiving. I suppose you have to apply cultural context – I had a friend in Bible college who was from another country, and he hollered out, “Shit!” one day in a class – in his country, it’s not considered a “cuss” word. But in American society, it’s generally looked at as impolite, at the very least. One could even say “coarse.” While I have been known to cuss in moments of extreme duress, I find it interesting that I usually feel a bit of a check afterward, and I don’t think it’s merely conditioned response. Think about it – how often have you been around a nonbeliever who cussed and then looked at you guiltily and apologized? Even when you never requested he or she refrain from talking like that in your presence? If even the nonbelievers are feeling that check, I have to think maybe Holy Spirit has something to do with it (because they may not recognize him, but he knows who they are). Which doesn’t mean you’ve committed the unpardonable sin if you DO cuss. In my opinion, it just means you’ve acted out of your flesh. Repent, submit it to God, and go on.
I do agree with you that words other than typical curse words can be used in the same manner, and my argument applies there, too. It seems it comes down to motivation and intent when it’s all said and done. And the Bible does say that what comes out of a man’s mouth is essentially a reflection of his heart condition. At any rate, thanks for a thought-provoking post.
As a nonbeliever, I can say a nonbeliever might apologize for cursing around a believer not because they feel the mystical urging of the Holy Spirit, but because we actually do have manners. It’s rude to needlessly behave in a way you have reason to think would make someone else uncomfortable. Obviously from this blog post, many Christians, especially evangelicals, are extremely uncomfortable about cursing. So if you know someone is Christian it’s wise to watch your language until you’re sure they’re ok with it. If not, well, it’s like the issue with meat sacrificed to idols. We don’t believe there’s anything wrong with it, but if you do we’ll be polite and refrain to spare your feelings.
Thanks for chiming in Random Person.
I actually would agree with what you said. I temper my speech depending on who I’m talking with out of deference to their convictions as well. And I always appreciate when people care about me enough to notice when they might be offending me.
Most of my “unbelieving” friends are careful about this…but I usually try to let them know that I don’t really care. They don’t need to clean up their mouths or their acts around me. I want my friends to feel totally free to be their exact self around me all the time, no matter what that looks or sounds like.
Random person, I thank you (and your mama) for your good manners.
Which includes your respectful disagreement with my opinion. That’s what it’s all about. 
That is an interesting verse. I’ll have to look at it again. It would seem like an impossible request to have to say nothing but thanksgiving all the time. The Psalmist certainly didn’t. Even Jesus himself didn’t.
And like I said above, coarse and foolish talk come out of my mouth all the time…though not necessarily always in four-letters or less. To put a great weight on these particular words lessens, I think the radical command here which has to do with the tone of all of our language. The way we speak as a whole.
Anyway, I am so not a Bible scholar and am absolutely unqualified to explain scriptural meaning and context. But I believe that to pretend to be happy-clappy when I’m hurting is not thanksgiving. It’s dishonest. And I believe that God knows and loves my broken, imperfect, grace-glued heart all of the time.
I think the Lord calls us to be evermore like him without expecting that we accomplish it all at once…after all, his word says we are to be perfected until he comes back, so that certainly indicates (to me, anyway) that it’s an ongoing process. As far as what that looks like, I’m inclined to think it’s not dishonest to experience negative or overwhelming or whatever emotions. I think it has more to do with how we handle them – do we handle them the way we feel he would, or do we simply default to our flesh reactions every time? Everyone on the planet is in varying stages of growth and maturity, and I don’t want anyone being anything other than what they are around me, either. And I’m not a “Bible scholar,” but I don’t think you have to be one to know what your God says.
Loving this discussion!
Love this post! I was home schooled growing up. My mom’s rule was we could use curse words once we had mastered the English language enough to be sure the word was the one that fit best. None of her children curse often. The other rules I would add for myself are consideration towards those who are offended by curses (some friends might not find “fuck” to be comforting or sympathetic)and self-control which you touch on when talking about using it flippantly.
I love your mom’s rule. And yes…consideration. Knowing your audience enough to love them in a way that they can hear.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I abhor the use of “the f-word” and I agree that it’s probably the overuse that I hate the most. Last Spring my married daughter and I were on a trip and found ourselves in line with a woman from the UK. To say that her language was “salty” would be an understatement. The funny thing is, my daughter and I both laughed because for some reason, that word didn’t sound as bad with a British accent.
While my daughter was in middle school, we started a jar where we had to put a quarter in every time we uttered a banned word. It turns out, I was the worst offender so I did away with the jar (the recession hit and I couldn’t afford it anymore).
So, is it a sin? I don’t think so. I think sin is a matter of the heart, not a matter strictly of our actions. Is it attractive? In many situations it isn’t but that doesn’t make it a sin. In some instances, it is rightfully place.
Signed,
Potty Mouth Mom
Laughed out loud at your “Potty Mouth Mom” signature. Thanks so much for this insight. Yes. 100% agree.
Yes, Addie! I especially love that you’ve broadened what “profane” might mean—that at times it might include our shallow efforts to *sound* Christian, and those moments “When we say the easy thing instead of the true thing.”
Oh. my. *Applauding*. I once had a pastor’s wife sit in a circle of prayer with me when I was dealing with chronic illness–severe anxiety, depression, paranoia, insomnia, etc. This had gone on for two years since my baby was born, and this wasn’t the first time I had struggled. During the prayer for my healing, one lady there tells me she senses God has not healed me because of pride. Then the pastor’s wife tells me that there isn’t grace enough for this depression, for this anxiety, this illness–that God is saying come back, child, come back home.
I wanted to say come the hell back from where?!?! I’m right here in the freakin’ church, asking you guys to pray for me, begging a holy God to heal me, trying to have faith to let you lay on hands, and you have abused your privilege. I will *never* ask for prayer in a church again. And I’ve had these experiences more times than I’d like to count.
I believe there is grace for *everything*–for the prostitute, for the homeless man reeking of urine, for the agoraphobic mom who locks her self in her room while her kids play video games, for the “Christian” pharisee who looks down on others in their distress. Does God want to bring all of these to Him through grace? The prostitute? Yes. The homeless man, the agoraphobic mom, the Pharisee? Does he want to heal them of their disease? Yes. Does he need us to tell them they have stepped outside of His grace? NO–*that* to me, is profane. The moment I open my mouth to tell someone they are outside of grace, is the moment I am in more danger myself.
I *do* believe in preaching the gospel, but oh, how that is fleshed out is so different for me now. Holding my words like glass–*this* I will strive for. Thank you, Addie.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is profanity at it’s worst I think — this idea that you have to somehow earn God’s grace. I’m thankful that instead of becoming permanently embittered (as many of us would be), you’ve adopted such a wide beautiful picture of God’s love and grace. Thanks for sharing it with us!
Addie, *thank you* for your reply. I let this comment sit, and then hit “submit” with a trembling heart…. Blessings.
A study of language is a lifelong course. Certain common words we use and hand gestures are considered offensive in other countries. Each segment of our World’s population have words, symbols and gestures that are tagged, flagged, or categorized as bad.
As mentioned several times here, the intent and expression of the person is the root problem, with God. With humans, a word is offensive because of what it references, Holocaust, for example.
Permit me to offer a few categories:
Curse/cuss: the expression of a wish that misfortune, evil, doom, etc., befall a person, group, etc.
Profane/profanity: characterized by irreverence or contempt for God or sacred principles or things; irreligious.
Obscene: offensive to morality or decency; indecent; depraved: obscene language.
Vulgar: characterized by ignorance of or lack of good breeding or taste: vulgar ostentation.
Deidre, I applaud your mother’s teaching. I used to question people about words or phrases they used in specific situations. My intent was to make them aware they were misusing the language. I was having fun and they never took offense.
I will end with this example:
A woman was in a very desperate situation and one night cried out to God with her fist in the air shouting, “and don’t tell me to get a life”. Her employer reduced their workforce, including her, but sent her to a class fifty miles away, as part of her package.
I was the instructor and during a break, we talked and I invited her to our church and gave her our card. [Get A Life Tabernacle]. She questioned what this card meant and my reply was, “God heard you and told you in writing”.
Peter was told his language betrayed him and I suggest our choice of language and actions do the same. Thanks.
ps: the letter to the Ephesians was explaining how they should act and speak when gathering for study or worship.
I’m a firm believer in being true to your words even if the words are the messy ones. People don’t like the messy though especially when they say exactly what you mean. Thanks for this honesty – some deep shit here
Addie, I am a pastor whose spine is shaped for soul care. One of the big myths that I hope and pray is on its way out is that only pastors can offer “pastoral care”. I want you to know if I am ever diagnosed with cancer, I’m calling you–you’ll know just what to say. Thank you!
Shut the front door, this was an excellent post – exactly the conversation complete with all those comments, that my colleague and I had on Friday afternoon at work! We discussed cursing, euphemisms, potty mouth, filthy language, profanity, expletives, etc. We work in a long-term care centre. We want to be compassionate and kind in responding to and entering into our residents’ emotional state during the stage life that the Preacher says is ‘Meaningless’, “before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, “I find no pleasure in them” Eccl. 12. ‘I find no pleasure in them,’ is too mild an explanation of the circumstances the residents (and hubby and I who have cancer) find themselves in. I’m sure we’ll have more conversations – and I think I’ll save your post and comments!
John Shore addressed this from a different perspective. I love seeing Christians weigh in on swearing when so many of us grew up being told that God cares about swear words so much that one of the ten commandments given to Moses pertained to what we say when we stub our toes. http://johnshore.com/2010/08/02/i-the-comfortably-cursing-christian/
You might want to Google on “Luther’s scatalogical language” in regards to this. Interesting. Over my 70+ years, I’ve found that “Oh, fiddlesticks!” is effectively announcing my opinion. It was interesting to see how short (or long) of a time it took new coworkers to adopt that as a swear word themselves,
Hi! I really appreciate your article, and all of the ideas you are bringing to light for Christians. I feel that this is a call for us to be more.. “real.” Anyway, I was just wondering if you could provide more insight, or background into your interpretation of Philipians 3:8. Thank you so much!
Oh man. Honestly, it was just an interpretation I heard once in a sermon and it stuck with me. (Over at my blog, where I linked to this post, a couple pastor friends gently mentioned that maybe it wasn’t the only translation or necessarily the right one. You can see their insightful comments here: http://howtotalkevangelical.addiezierman.com/?p=1060).
Whether or not Paul actually said the literal equivalent to “shit,” I still think that there is a way to use it when it’s not profane but enlightening. Maybe even a little encouraging…like someone saying, “You don’t have to clean up your act or your language to come to God. You just get to come.” Like someone saying, “I recognize you are in an extreme amount of pain and I lament that with you.”
But, then, this is mostly not how we use these words. We mostly use them off-handedly, carelessly. I want to learn to use them so sparingly that when I do, it makes people sit up and pay attention.
Wow. What a great blog! As someone who has spent several years in professions that seem built on “cussing” (army, oilfield, gym, etc. ), but was raised very Southern Baptist it’s nice to have things put in perspective in such a clear, concise way.
thank you for your reply!
the first comment was great. so great, I will place the most clarifying portion of it here.
“That is a great article. I remember talking to some Greek scholar types about Skabulon in Philippians 3:8, and they started cussing when I suggested that it could be translated as a four letter word. They had no problem with cussing obviously, but they had a problem with using Greek words wrong. Apparently, the word there can’t mean just human refuse, because there were other words for that. It means anything and everything that can be considered unwanted, disgusting and gross – vomit, feces or any creature, broken stuff, clothes with funky things growing on them, anything that would be discarded as worthless by the people. Translating as just human refuse takes away from the power of the word in their mind.”
thanks again,
love your blog!
-Kelli
I so appreciate what you say here. When I was going through a hellish time (as so many commenters here also have), I said quite a few four-letter words in private and in prayer, struggling to understand my own anger and the circumstances surrounding me. Once, another person heard me and came at me so hard for it that I all could feel was being driven back into darkness for simply expressing how the hurt felt. I no longer hold hard feelings toward this person for their convictions, but I believe that passing over the words (that might indeed show improper anger that should be addressed at a later point) to see the person can be so much more healing.
You don’t have to use expletives to “be real”… I think this article has some serious problems in its over-generalizations and at times, downright contradictions of the Bible. For instance, the author says “And upon hearing of a friend’s cancer diagnosis, I might go so far as to suggest that it’s more profane to say God never gives you more than you can handle than it is reach across the table, grab her hands, whisper the word fuck.” Really? It’s more appropriate to use a word that conjures a profane picture of an indecent sex act, which we are told not to even speak about (Ephesians 5:13), then it is to quote SCRIPTURE, in this case 1 Corinthians 10:13? I’m sorry but I don’t buy it. Some of the comments actually call said SCRIPTURE ‘bullshit’…! On top of that, all the comments that encourage people to rant at God demonstrate an imitation of Job’s foolish wife, who wanted to curse God, rather than Job himself, who reverently said “Shall we receive good at the hands of the Lord, and not evil?” We are further told that “in all this Job did not sin with his mouth”. To ask God “why” or to pray honest prayers, even up to asking him to destroy our enemies is Scripturally acceptable… but accusing God of injustice is certainly not. The patience and faith of the saints is such that the true Christian can suffer deepest loss and “worship God” (Job 1:20), or even sing praises from prison (Acts 16:25). This last verse shows how God used the quiet acceptance of Christians who suffer WELL to convert the unbelieving. Imagine if Paul and Silas had entered the jail cursing to one another and saying “what the f, God?”
Don’t get me wrong- I think some words that are considered ‘profane’ by our culture are acceptable descriptions of phenomena, and may be sparingly used to illustrate a point. Damn, for one, is a much more horrible word than many others, if you unpack the reality that it speaks to. I’ve used it in the pulpit in all of its forms. However, the “f” bomb describes an illicit sex act, and as words always do, paints a picture in the ears of the hearer. Thus, to sanction such a use as though it is “appropriate” is way out of bounds. In my opinion, the people who have to resort to using profanity, either to ‘relate’ to those who are suffering, or to express themselves to God, are generally insecure, and could use some practice expanding their vocabulary at the very least. Expletives in their essence demonstrate a lack of self-control, and a tongue that is not reigned in or bridled (see James’ argument on this subject). If used intentionally, we should factor in the usefulness of them in any given environment- are they demonstrative of speech that is seasoned with salt? (Col. 4:6) Are they going to unnecessarily ‘give offense to anyone’ (1 Cor. 10:32-33)?
Go ahead… call me a Pharisee… but remember before you do: I’m advancing a counter argument. Proverbs 18:17 “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”
I have appreciated reading Addie’s kind responses to those who dissent with her. I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to be disrespectful- I’m just trying to be clear. I would also point out that Jesus said that if we call our brother a “fool” we are in danger of hellfire… so simply refraining from ‘profanity’ is not enough…
Grace and peace,
Phillip
Yes. Swearing gave me the power to leave an abusive ex. It has helped me so much in my healing from fundamentalism and abuse.
Language is a reflection of the intellectual and SPIRITUAL habits of the people who use it.
J. Gresham Machen