Culture

December 21 2012
97

 

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Here is a story.
On February 27 of this year I walked out of the front door of my home and I never went back.
I walked out of the door, across the deck and down four wooden steps.
I walked out of an abusive marriage.
I took four children and left behind everything I knew and everything I believed.
I had allowed myself and my little ones to live in fear every day for twelve years.

Absurdity.

But I was the good child. The obedient daughter.
Doesn’t that guarantee something?
I am harshly aware of how much I look like a failure in my obedience.
Because I was supposed to be faithfully married my entire life.
Because now the church sees me as a wayward woman wanting to start over on her terms, OR
…..the idiot that didn’t know when to call it quits.
But no one knows the whole story except me and God.
In my heart of hearts I heard Him call me here.
Even in the leaving.
Even in the mess.

Here is another story.
In the fall of the year two thousand years ago,
Supernatural God came to earth and entered the womb of a virgin girl.
She gave birth to our Savior amidst the stench of a stable and, shortly after,
placed the Son of God in a feeding trough—doubling as a crib.
Absurdity.

Was she the good child? The obedient daughter?
Didn’t that guarantee her something?
Was she harshly aware of how much she looked like a failure in her obedience to God?
The church saw her as a knocked up teenager with a fiancee having to drag her with him to Bethlehem.
No plan, no perfection.
Because no one knew the whole story but them and God.
They heard Him call them there.
Even in the leaving.
Even in the mess.

*******

I have been walking a season of loss and gain.
Of the tide slowly pulling out and taking with it everything familiar—-
and then once the sand is dry and the sea ceases to exist;
rushing back in with new graces.

I want to tell a story of walking into a rebuilt life
and feeling like these fresh walls are where God was always pulling me.

Out with the old. In with the new.

I have discovered I am pharisee-antiquated.
I am the one who makes the boxes to put Spirit in.

I am a tree growing around one ideal of how it all works.
The one way.
The imaginary righteousness.
The china cup filled with mud.

Does it ring true?

Is it always the way with higher things that first we must walk a diminishing path
before we can get to where we were always meant to abide?

I don’t think so.

I think truth lies in the broken hallelujah.
In our perception of a God who is more than we make Him.

My truth has been this:
He always knew where I would fall, where I would hide,
and where I would finally break into a thousand small pieces.

Where I would lay in shards and cry for my inability to be saved.

That then there would be, like there always was, Jesus.

When all was lost and gone and ugly and alone and ruined.

When I opened my eyes to only love.

I live daily in naked acknowledgement of earthly reality:
I am a divorced woman.
I am the single mother of four children.
I am unemployed.
I am scared.
I am a burden.
I am wide-eyed at the world.

but in this I am also:
Still in covenant with a Savior.
The caretaker of the greatest four blessings I will ever receive.
An heir to the throne.
I am covered with grace.
My every need is met.
I will live with those open eyes turning into open arms.
I will learn to love like Him.

If God himself can come to earth; a baby.
Can lie in an animal feeding trough
the better to live Holy Love among us…

Then so am I, here today, in the mess and broken-ness of life
putting my shoulder to the same plow.

Our work is love.
Our work is the absurdity of the broken hallelujah.
And in this honesty I come before each and every one of you —
not with the message that a holy God can sanction anything.
But that He can REDEEM anything.

More fully and beautifully than you could dare to hope for.
However HE chooses.

The road will always end up at redemption,
just put out your hand.

 

 

97 comments

  1. Sara,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I too walked away after almost 17 years of an abusive marriage. And although our lives are much better now, it was SCARY. And it still is in many aspects when I see the residual fall out of living with that level of fear for so many years. But know this. God is in it all, and I PROMISE you he will see you through this. I want to give you and your children a big hug and let you know that I am praying for you. I wrote something about my experience here.
    http://piejesu.org/2012/10/09/being-believed-cleaning-up-the-aftermath-pt-2/
    Love and peace,
    Emmie

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Oh sister, hurts me to know your story echoes mine….but so grateful to Him that you are safe and lifted up. Your prayers are needed and appreciated and I will definitely make my way over to your blog to read your story.

      Thank you for your heart.

      Reply
  2. Phil Stover

    Excellent blog post. Thank you for sharing with the world.

    Reply
  3. Beautifully written. Our stories are similar but with different “results”- if we can even pretend we know the results. I’d love to connect with you, but I can’t seem to find email info for you. Thanks for this.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Sarah, my email is hellosarasophia(at)gmail(dot)com —I would love to share heart stories. Please do write <3

      Reply
  4. Beautiful, Sara. So much love to you.

    Steph

    Reply
  5. Hallelujah!

    Reply
  6. <>

    Just like you…just like the grace that covers and protects you.

    Much love to you, my sweet friend!

    Reply
  7. Oh, SaraSophia….

    one beautiful redemption of the broken hallelujah is the honest telling of a painful truth. to see this beauty despite its cost?

    love incarnate…

    xo

    Reply
  8. “how much she looked like a failure in her obedience to God” <— This part really jumped out at me.

    So much love for you, Sara. Only love, no judgment, no condemnation.

    Reply
  9. Sara

    It really doesn’t matter whether you should have left him sooner, or should never have left him at all. What matters is that you have glorified Him by choosing to see yourself through His eyes … chosen, holy and loved (Colossians 3:12).

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      This. Amen.
      Someone needs to say that over every broken heart. Thank you.

      Reply
    • Love this comment!

      Reply
  10. This is beautiful, Sara! I am so proud of you for protecting yourself and your family. Your words are beautiful and a gentle reminder that we are ALL bathed in God’s grace.

    Reply
  11. Oh, my dear friend. My soul sister. You are an artisan with words. I’m always in awe. This was so powerful and so beautiful and so familiar. I love you, lady. I’m here.

    Reply
  12. Your openness and love touches us all. Thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you on your journey to new life. I know He walks with you each step of the way.

    ~FringeGirl

    Reply
  13. Love you beautiful.

    Reply
  14. Genevieve

    Heartbroken for the things I did not know. That your beautiful spirit transcended pain when I met you in 2011 is even more awesome with the curtain pulled back. I pray there are no wounds from my words and laughter those late nights. To not know the reason for pain-filled eyes, your shy wild animal soul I sensed…hurts. I hurt for you. But even more- I’m so proud that you walked into the freedom of His arms of Grace.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Gen—you know like nobody else the absurdity of heartache.
      I love you. I’m so glad for that one night we hid from cold Pennsylvania winds and had church in a pickup truck.

      Reply
  15. Brave and beautiful.

    Reply
  16. So inspired by your story, and because of what 2012 ended up being for me, I have SUCH a compassion and love for single mothers and the children they are raising up. Anyone who would be harsh or judge you has never walked in your shoes nor has never helped a hurting, vulnerable, scared single mother nor tried to comfort the children from a broken home.

    I feel that your words are raw and honest, and definitely beautiful. They will surely touch many hearts, even if you don’t see their responses in your comments here. Bless you and your 4 precious babies!

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Thank you so much Amber for stopping in with grace <3

      Reply
  17. “I think truth lies in the broken hallelujah.
    In our perception of a God who is more than we make Him.”
    Yes, yes.

    Love you, strong one.

    Reply
  18. This is raw beauty in words. Took my breath away. Thank you for being brave, for telling your story, for loving Jesus through it all.

    Reply
  19. Oh Sara. You are never a burden. Never. In the eyes of our Father, we are never, ever burdens.

    And know this. The church is a people. A failed, flawed, judging group of PEOPLE. People who are hiding, crying out, hurting, and trying to learn to love like Jesus did. Uninhibited. For a flawed people, learning to love uninhibited is our most difficult task. To learn to not judge, to not hurt, to simply be there and hold the hand of the hurting…those are more difficult I think that so many things.

    As for this Christian woman, you made a decision to protect yourself and your family. No one has the right to hurt another. And no one should have to live with being hurt. There is no shame in that and I applaud you for making a decision for the best of you and your children. I am so, sorry you had to go through this and that you felt alone. When I met you at Blissdom, you were so friendly but I know now that you were hurting so much. Many, many prayers for you and your family as your healing continues.

    Reply
  20. So beautiful, just as you. There are cracks in everything – that’s how the light gets in. (LC)
    LOVE YOU. xoxox

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      I miss you, native sister. Thank you for walking with me.
      All the love in the universe,
      S.S.

      Reply
  21. I think if we could always see life through our broken hallelujiah’s we would get to see more of Jesus in the every day. I long for that. Thanks for your bravery and inviting us into your story. Let the redeemed of The Lord say so.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      My deepest heart desire is to always see life through the broken hallelujahs. Thank you for putting that into words.

      —SS

      Reply
  22. Brittaney

    Sara, I can relate to what you are going through, although I’m sorry to know that you are having to experience it. My story is very similar, although I have no children. Three years later, I can say that walking away in obedience is one of the best things I’ve ever done. Even though my life would look like less than before in most people’s eyes, I can say that I love my life. I have learned to love myself again and found my real Love Story in the meantime. When I walked away from life as I knew it, I found God as I had never known Him. Hero, Husband, Friend. I am fulfilled and complete. I just want to encourage you that it doesn’t just get better it gets best. God bless.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      What a beautiful note of redemption. He is everything. I love that we get the opportunity to see just how much.

      “I just want to encourage you that it doesn’t just better, it gets best.”

      Hallelujah.

      Reply
  23. You have no idea how your words fit right in my heart. God does though. Thank you for the beauty of your story/

    Reply
  24. Jennie Walker Knoot

    You are so beautiful and so full of strength, Sara Sophia. My heart is so proud of you for catching hold of God’s hand and letting him lead you away from darkness and hurt – even if the path is full of all sorts of hurts of its own kind. God bless you always.

    Reply
  25. This took pure guts, Sara. You are so loved. I am holding you so close in my heart this morning. Bless you, bless your four babes, and blessed be His name for your rescue.

    Reply
  26. you are not alone, brave and strong sara sophia…

    and you are so loved.

    Reply
  27. You are beautiful. Your story is beautiful – beauty from ashes. That was so brave and so powerful. Thank you for sharing with us. I’ve walked that road. And I’m thankful there is redemption. Merry Christmas.

    Reply
  28. Stephanie

    Your words gave me chills… I did the exact same thing, down to the four babies, one year ago this month.

    You are not alone. You are not a burden. You are loved.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Ditto, sister. Ditto.

      Thank you for being here.

      Reply
  29. Kelli

    Praying for you & your children

    Reply
  30. These words, this faith, this courage and complete surrender…. beauty. You are beautiful. Much love.

    Reply
  31. ” The church saw her as a knocked up teenager with a fiancee having to drag her with him to Bethlehem.”
    I too often look at things and only see the issue and forget about redemption.

    Reply
  32. Sara, I do not know you.

    But yet I do.

    Because the Spirit of Emmanuel lives in you and it rings true in me with your words. With your journey.

    I praise God today that you did the difficult thing. I pray for Him to continue to bring beauty from ashes, for mercy and grace in the unexpected places.

    You are so loved. So beautiful. And you are His.

    Reply
  33. Dear Sara – this is painfully beautiful … so thankful you know He does redeem all our broken pieces and broken promises with the promise and peace of Himself. Lifting you up now. May your words bless others and give comfort as you’ve been comforted. Grace to you and a Mighty Christmas in His name.

    Reply
  34. Thankful that you shared your story with such honesty. You are valliant. So glad you and your children are safe now. So hopeful for you as the one who heals and restores and makes all things new brings you into healing and wholeness. Oh, how his love does wonders. May it be so in your life.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      “oh how His love does wonders”

      Writing that on my arm with a sharpie RIGHT NOW.

      Reply
  35. Sara I am humbled & thankful that you have opened your story of pain & glimpses of hope with me. I pray for a courageous Spirit filled love to embody you & your babes. I pray against regrets and what-ifs, while that thick sweet grace pours over like honey.

    Kamille

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      And I think that is the perfect prayer <3
      Thank you Kamille. Thank you for singing over me.

      Reply
  36. Emily

    God is in the broken hallelujah–Amen. Thanks for this.

    Reply
  37. Sandi

    Just one thing comes to mind…you wrote:

    “But no one knows the whole story except me and God.
    In my heart of hearts I heard Him call me here.”

    I want to add something in all respect…the truth is NO ONE knows the whole story except for GOD, not even you. :) That isn’t criticism or a correction. It’s praise. To hear His voice in your heart and follow His direction–in faith, not knowing how the story will end, taking your beautiful children along with you for the journey–is a HUGE step of faith. Our God is faithful, He will provide, He will protect your children, and He will walk before you. So thankful for our God who heals us in places we didn’t even realize we were broken…

    I send you an ENORMOUS heart hug (if there is such a thing and I can sort of see it in my spirit, so I believe there is!). You are my new hero, my Moses-Sister. :)

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      You are so right. He is the only author of any story.
      And Moses-Sister is my new favorite term.

      Thank you so much for your words and your heart. I appreciate it more than you know.

      Reply
  38. I love that He sees our nothing-ness, our complete lack within ourselves, and He creates Something… Redemption. Just because He’s Him. Loving and raising hands in broken worship with you, Sweet Sara.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Just because He’s Him.
      Amen <3

      Reply
  39. your words are beautiful and bring comfort to my own soul. I never saw myself as someone who would be in and have to choose whether to stay or leave a marriage that was abusive in it’s own way (not physically),
    yet I was. I’ve trusted God’s forgiveness all along. It’s the judgement of others that frightens me. And that is all wrong. God’s fogiveness, love and redemption are enough.

    Much love to you.
    xo

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      He is always enough. We just have to see that–and somehow let that place be where we rest. Maybe that breaks us a little and maybe we come through all the better for it.

      I pray we find glory in our broken places.

      Reply
  40. “The road will always end up at redemption”: yes, and that’s what matters. Not everyone is going to buy it, but it doesn’t matter. Not everyone is going to support you, but it doesn’t matter. Not everyone is going to decide not to judge you, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that God is with you, also that you’ll end up stronger than you ever imagined.

    I left my first husband almost 9 years ago. He was not abusive. One of my better decisions, none-the-less.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      “Not everyone is going to buy it, but it doesn’t matter. Not everyone is going to support you, but it doesn’t matter. not every one is going to decide not to judge you, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that God is with you.”

      I’ll stand up and clap for that.

      Reply
  41. I have prayed for you and your children often this past year and will continue to do so. It’s so good to hear your voice again. Thank you for sharing this part of your story.

    Reply
  42. Beautiful, Lovie. As I read this ‘I am Set Free’ by All Sons & Daughters came to mind…

    “It is for freedom that I am set free

    You broke my chains of sin and shame
    And You covered me with grace
    And You mend my life with Your holy fire
    You cover me with grace

    And You are the hand that reaches out to save

    And I am set free.”

    Covered by His grace indeed.

    Love you!

    Reply
  43. I’m so proud of you for this post I can hardly bear it. So beautiful, your faith in sharing and in letting it be laid bare and letting Him use it for glory. Glory. Lifting you up from over here in the desert, sharing my oasis with you. Let the water flow in. xoxo

    Reply
  44. sara, this broke my heart and sewed it up, too. this is a freedom song, and i rejoice in your bold grace and God’s faithfulness. he is truly making all things new. blessings and peace to you and yours this christmas. xo

    Reply
  45. if i had only enough skin i would sharpie this whole thing on me, for you, for us all.

    Reply
  46. Lesley

    love this. like, a lot.

    Reply
  47. Amen and amen. I thank God for his provision and protection every day. I have been a financial burden to my parents for the last 13 months since I left my ex’s house. I am still in the hard times.. but they are a better hard than before, so I am grateful. Thank you for speaking truth and gently calling others to read about redemption alongside the word divorce.

    Reply
  48. Warrior, poet, mother.

    We’ve been following your journey even if from a distance. You make us all braver by how you’ve shown us how to live the last months. Words aren’t quite big enough to wrap their arms around all you’ve been through, I’m sure. But thank you for sharing them all the same.

    You are quite something.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Oh Lisa-Jo thank you for the things you speak over my heart.
      God knows how much I need you.

      Reply
  49. Oh Sara, I had no idea what was happening in and to your heart. You are so brave to share your words as heartachingly beautiful as they are.

    Reply
  50. Oh dear I just love your raw, vulnerable words. I love how you paint redemption. I love how you open eyes and hearts with you story. Thank you for sharing a hard story.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      And you for showing up and living it with me.
      I am so grateful for all of you who walk the vulnerable path at my side. That is true community and I am humbled by it.

      Reply
  51. SS…I don’t know you and you don’t know me but WAY TO GO!! On so many levels. For doing the right/hard thing. For facing truth courageously. For sharing without compromise. I’m proud of you.
    Bob Hamp

    Reply
  52. Not exactly the same as my story, similar, but more beautifully written. I have also come to believe that God does not sanction everything, but He does redeem it ALL. I left this year, too, after “trusting God” to heal my marriage for 31 hard years. It took a long time because even though I felt foolish for staying, at the same time I feared disappointing God if I left. But when the time was right, I followed God as He told me to do something that I thought He hated. He reminded me that He hated child sacrifice, but He asked Abraham to trust Him in it. Abraham felt it was wrong to send Ishmael away, but God asked him to trust His plan. And, as you so beautifully pointed out, He asked Mary to do something that His law punished by stoning. There are so many stories of the faithful following God into places that seemed at the very least scary and sometimes downright ludicrous. He sweetly reminded me that while He does indeed hate divorce (because it hurts the ones He loves), He also hates jealousy, abuse, strife, fear, resentment, addiction and countless other things that were hurting the ones He loved in a different way. For me, it was time for Ishmael to go, so the promise of redeeming both of our hearts could be fulfilled. Some may disagree with me, but I am enjoying living in peace, knowing my Father’s love for me never changes.
    Thank you for your beautiful, caring words, Sara

    Reply
  53. “But no one knows the whole story except me and God.”

    So true. There’s so much that led to my divorce in 2010 that my friends don’t know, so much I keep to myself so that I can maintain a good relationship with my ex. For our kids, but also because it’s the right thing to do. I often wonder what my friends and acquaintances think of me, but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t worry about it. God knows the whole story, and that’s all that really matters.

    There are many days I can’t believe that right here is where God wants me, that this half-life I seem to have is His will for me. But I *am* in His hands, and He has a plan for my life. Thank you for the hope that comes through your words here. It’s inspiring.

    Reply
  54. Dan Bode

    Well said sister. It’s a long hard road, but the hardest decisions we make when we heed Him are the ones that give us the greatest expressions of love we could ever have. I’m praying for you and your children.

    Reply
  55. Anonymous exwife

    Just reading the title, I wished and hoped I could relate. But my husband put me out. He accused me of horrific things, refused to even attempt to reconcile, and divorced me. I don’t see Jesus or god as a provider or benevolent overseer, but as an all-powerful sovereign who could have done much in the hearts of both our husbands (and us too), but instead stood aside while you had to leave on 2/27, and while I was left on 2/28. He watched and did nothing. At least in my circumstances. I’ll only speak for me. My divorce has become the complete unraveling of my faith. I feel like NOW I see Christianity for the lie that it is. We are told to pray,pray without ceasing, that the prayers of the righteous avail much, and so on. So what about the prayers of hundreds on our behalf- through our short marriage, separation, divorce and after? Did those not count? Why did we even pray at all?! What about everything we know about gods will for marriages from scripture? Does he not even follow his own will- written in his own words? I am sorry. Just the ramblings of a bereft exwife.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Dear Heart.

      I feel like we are both part of a club we never asked to join. I hear your hurt and I am so glad you chose to speak honestly rather just keep on going with your head down.

      If I’m reading right, the only difference there may be between the two of us is the sudden-ness of your hurt. You were the left, not the leaver. And while neither is easy—you have to understand this post is written after much more than ten months of perspective. I had been dealing with the hurt that led to leaving for the entirety of 12 years. Infidelity, physical hurt, emotional hurt, substance abuse and more lies than I can count. Those are the things I’m choosing not to detail here. My own anger and desperation at God while trying to hold our family together. Watching my children be afraid of the man who was supposed to protect them—-I have been angry. I’m still angry. It wasn’t fair, isn’t fair and I can’t fully understand God’s plan even now. All I know is that once God woke up my heart…I realized the only plan I thought existed (married no matter what) was only going to result in an eventual soul-death and/or a physical one.

      After a night of being locked in a bedroom closet it was as if God Himself said, “ENOUGH” and whisked me out the front door.

      Know this. Even when we don’t see Him saving us, HE IS.
      You are not at the end of your story.
      You are not finished.
      You have barely begun.
      And whether or not you feel it or see it right now—He adores you. Chooses you and calls you His Own. His Heart is breaking over you and what you are suffering. He never wanted this for you.

      But people make their own choices.

      If your husband closed his heart to your marriage—that doesn’t mean the God who loves you won’t take your heart somewhere where it CAN be loved and appreciated.

      Even if that’s only a quiet room where you meet Him face to face.

      I don’t know your entire story….and don’t need to.

      All I can tell you is that He WILL lace that heart back into place and He will breathe for you if you will let Him.

      I will pray grace over you
      and all the peace and understanding you deserve.

      Please email me any time you need to talk or vent or cry.
      (hellosarasophia(at)gmail(dot)com)

      Putting out a hand on the road to redemption?
      You just did it.

      Reply
  56. Thank you for sharing your story. This truth–that “no one knows the whole story except me and God”–this seems like a very good and important thing to bear in mind any time we might be inclined to judge, as well as when we find others are judging us. And the grace that runs through our whole story, leading to redemption…what a beautiful thing. :)

    Grace and peace to you….

    Reply
  57. Thank you for just being you. The vulnerable place you take us reminds us that in the mirror we should see redemption not ugliness. We should Him and the creation of love in our eyes – His created eyes. I wrote this morning in trembling fear of “realness”: I must be transparent if realness is to be revealed. If authenticity is to be appreciated then honesty must open and bloom in the light of day.
    The mask must fly away into the wind of truth. I’m me and that just got to be “good enough.”

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Realness IS revealed in transparency. I need to write that somewhere and never forget it. Post-it notes of the heart :)

      Thank you for commenting and for taking part in His redemption with me. Hallelujah.

      Reply
  58. Rachel

    I have been looking for a “community of the broken” for some time. My sister sent your post and I wonder now if perhaps I have found it. God help us.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Rachel?
      I’m so so glad you are here.

      We are all broken.
      This is just a place we can gather and break virtual bread.

      Thank you for pulling up a chair.

      Reply
  59. Dana R. Solomon

    …….Sarah Sophia…..I too am a friend….I too look for “The Community”where I can exist and grow and worship…..even with the scarlett “D” beautifully tacked to my cardigan. I too knew that” soul-death or physical-death” was looming…..I could not breathe, or think, or speak, or reason o n e more day in my marriage of patriarchal- oppression….. when God’s mercy interceeded in the situation and “lifted my husband out” of our bungalow…like a crain lifts a root-base of a tree that has died.

    Almost a year has passed. I sit tonite on the window seat, listening to rain. I know my God gave me this blessed freedom. I am HIS beloved. Twenty seven years of trying to please and love a man out of moods, silences,manipulation, control, and emotional affairs is growing strangely dim……

    The beauty for those ashes is in the calm of this year, the peacefulness in this home, the pleasantness of the words exchanged with my children as they return for visits, the freedom to be filled with the Holy Spirit and lean into His guidance…..with no verbal scrutiny from an insidious man who loathed himself most and bullied me in response. The gift of a job….work….with my brain and my hands and my gifts. The support of two women who have counseled my soul, my emotions, my mind to a place of health that knows now I am not crazy. These women stirred up my memories and prayed for my voice…to return….to be useful….to be certain…to be determined and knowing. They have given me permission to look carefully at Spiritual Abuse and the Biblical reality that God abhors it. As the elders in the church encouraged me to submit to a man who viewed pornography, my counselors defined misogyny in clear and definite terms. Like Hester Prinn in the Scarlett Letter who found herself rejected and misunderstood, they helped me to a safe place where I could begin to LIVE and SURVIVE as a capable individual. These courageous women continued to help me fight my battle with the very weapons needed in spiritual warfare. They brought me the jewels and the vibrant thread to decorate a “D” and to wear it knowing that Divorce was my freedom from the oppression…..which my God hated and rescued me from.

    I am very grateful for your posting. I am convinced that vulnerability, honesty, and authenticity are the means to the help and healing for others in similar situations. Courage dear Sarah Sophia…..your words bring strength to feeble knees.

    Thank you…..
    Merry Christmas…..to you and your little ones…..Peace on your little part of the earth.
    Dana R. Solomon

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Thank you so much Dana, for being an encouragement and for sharing part of your story. Sometimes the hardest and most freeing part is in bringing words to the dark places.

      Reply
  60. What a great story of redemption, brokenness, humility and truth. I wish you every good thing on your journey towards wholeness in Him.

    Reply
  61. I am moved beyond measure. I know something about redemption. Thank you for reminding me.

    Reply
  62. This is so so great. Perfect timing as I learn to deal with my abusive history. Thank you.

    Reply
  63. Thank you so much for writing this down, for putting your own truth out there next to Mary’s and calling us all to pay attention! This is beautiful – hard beautiful, but beautiful, nonetheless. May you know the continuing joy of choosing the right path, no matter what it looks like to anybody else. Just wonderful. Many blessings to you and your four.

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      The hard becomes beautiful when you begin to see Jesus in everything.

      Thank you so much for speaking joy over me. Means the world <3

      Reply
  64. Donna

    Sara Sophia, you are a wonder. Your words are beautiful, and your story still has a long way to go.
    I walked out of my own home once too… very different circumstances, but a definite ending of almost every relationship. I’m still carrying the scars from that, but I’ve never, ever regretted it.
    You are a woman of valour!

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  65. So late to the party here, but was so moved by this piece that I had to comment. Thanks for this honest, beautiful post. This line has been with me all morning: “I have discovered I am pharisee-antiquated.
    I am the one who makes the boxes to put Spirit in.”

    Reply
    • Sara Sophia

      Amen, and thank you Addie <3

      Reply
  66. I missed this – and now see better what you have been going through. I have emailed you before – our stories are similar – abusive perhaps in different ways – i too walked out with my kids and never went back – in February of last year – the 19th.

    i would love to connect more with you when you feel you can!

    much love and prayers!
    xoTiffany

    Reply

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