Dear Friends, I’m writing to you from my sick bed.
Sick bed. I sound all melodramatic, don’t I? Meditations from a sick bed. I mean, could I have come up with a more syrupy, melodramatic title? I think not. Somebody bring me my smelling salts!!!!!!
I have a cold. But I’m pretty sure I have a cancerous tumor growing in my sinuses. Also, my muscles ache. I’ve been flailing about in my bed, staring at the ceiling and pondering my horrible fate. A cold. I’ve been felled by my sinuses. ‘
Suffering is so annoying! It messes with all my carefully laid plans! Suffering. Yes, I said suffering. I am suffering, people. My suffering! My preciousssssss!
Wow, cold medicine really goes to the head, huh?
Ahem.
As I was flailing about trying to find meaning to my “suffering,” I pulled out my little book of quotes and stumbled across this:
Many would be willing to have afflictions provided that they not be inconvenienced by them.
–St. Francis de Sales
Oh, hello, conscience.
My real problem with suffering is that it’s terribly inconvenient. I would prefer that afflictions happen on MY schedule, thankyouverymuch. How DARE suffering INTERRUPT my almighty plans and schedules, to-do lists and carefully plotted timelines! The nerve!
What if this affliction prevents me from hitting my writing deadline? What if it impedes my career path? What if these “light afflictions” totally mess up my entire life? What if I can’t CONTROL EVERYTHING?!
Aye, there’s the rub. This is what the ill know well: they are not in control.
[Excuse me for a moment while I blow my nose and hack up a lung]
*lots of deathly, hacking, snot-noises*
That’s better. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Inconvenience.
Isn’t that really the crux of this life of faith? It’s inconvenient to love other people (human beings rarely behave according to our expectations of them! so annoying!). It’s inconvenient to pick up my cross daily (also, we don’t get to pick our crosses–I mean, otherwise I would DEFINITELY NOT have picked being sick today!).
It’s inconvenient to follow Jesus.
BUT!
It’s not difficult.
All that’s required is a letting go. A surrender. A calm acquiescence that I’m not in control and that’s OK. My schedule, my plans, my to-do lists, my ideas about how my life should go—all these things I can simply surrender to the loving care of God who can take care of my to-do list better than I can.
This is faith: freedom from fear, freedom from needing to control everything, freedom from the driving need to be “PRODUCTIVE!,” freedom from resisting.
I am human. I am sick.
I am retiring to my sick bed.
Bring soup.
Yes. I SO get this. Having had my life thrown off course by a major medical issue over the last 7 months I get it. I have had NO control at all. It’s been a season of learning to completely and totally trust God. And now tomorrow I’m finally having the surgery I need to correct the issue but that means nor trust, more dependance that He will take care of my daughter and I. I think sometimes He has to use illness whether big or small to bring us to the place of realizing that we hold on too tightly to everything, including what would happen if our health failed. I know that what God has taken me through with Him over this season (I call it the Job season) has been one of truly letting go of everything that I hold tightly and just realizing the depth of my lack of control AND what happens when I try to make things go my way. God always has a way of bringing them back around to the course He wanted.
As Always,
Bethany
Can I just say, “Thank you!”? Words fail me, but this line means everything to me:
This is faith: freedom from fear, freedom from needing to control everything, freedom from the driving need to be “PRODUCTIVE!,” freedom from resisting.
Feel better. And I would bring you soup if I could : )
YES. “Dear Lord, please save me from the need to be productive every waking hour.”
I love this post. Love it. So relatable. So true. So convicting. I hate being inconvenienced. And, you are so right- it’s not so much that it’s hard to follow Jesus, it’s that we’re not willing to. It’s not an issue of understanding, but an issue of willingness. So often, so so often, my heart and mind are closed to what He is asking me to do.
“What if these “light afflictions” totally mess up my entire life?”
That’s basically how I feel about EVERYTHING. Usually my worrying ends up with me dying a horrible death in my head. Every story. Even ones involving trying to figure out what to make for supper. And it’s horrible for us! It makes you physically, emotionally, and spiritually sicker.
But it is SO HARD to let go. SO hard.
I love this, Elizabeth! I can totally relate. God has been whispering a subtle but constant “let go” to me since yesterday. He can take care of our plans, deadlines, frustrations, and hurts much better than I can. So, like you, I’m choosing to “let go.” Feel better soon!
“It’s inconvenient to follow Jesus.
BUT!
It’s not difficult.”
EE,
I know a marriage counselor who says something very similar. He says, “Having a good marriage isn’t difficult, but is sure is hard sometimes.” He means the same thing. Love how you’ve applied it to the whole of Christian living.
C.S. Lewis talks about how some people seem like better people, more holy, or spiritually advanced, but when we get to heaven we might find that they just had better constitutions.
I hope you feel better soon. And I’m praying for your son.
Thank you for this. It made me chuckle a bit in a good way. Imagine my shock when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November. I was like are you kidding me? I have no room for cancer in my schedule. A year of treatment? Chemo? A bald head?
Don’t you know God I have plans. I run a non profit. I have people to meet, places to go, lives to change.
His answer…. “yep I know. And 8i am still here.”I
Whoops…looks like my phone was doing crazy things. LOL.
Thank you for this. It made me chuckle a bit in a good way. Imagine my shock when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November. I was like are you kidding me? I have no room for cancer in my schedule. A year of treatment? Chemo? A bald head?
Don’t you know God I have plans. I run a non profit. I have people to meet, places to go, lives to change.
His answer…. “yep I know. And am still heretic.ii
Elizabeth you are crazy! This was just so funny, so real…and I too “suffer” from man colds “Honey, can you call my mom?”
I am stealing your lines:
This is faith: freedom from fear, freedom from needing to control everything, freedom from the driving need to be “PRODUCTIVE!,” freedom from resisting.
I am human. I am sick.
I am retiring to my sick bed.
(Is it still stealing if I tell you I am stealing? OK, OK, I’ll give you credit.)
Thank you. Please do get well.
This is fabulous! I, too, had a nasty head cold last week. But you managed to mine it for all this gold!! Funny and real and TRUE. Hope you’re feeling better by now – I’m playing blog-reading-catch-up tonight. SO glad I saved this one.