Do you think forgiveness is like, a process?
Yes. Yes yes yes, I want to shout in my reply email. And I am in this process with you. I think of the hours I spent angry this week. Hurt, disappointed. Frustrated, exasperated. All the sisters and brothers of unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is assuredly a process.
I like to think that forgiveness is not a human-created thing, it’s a God-created thing.
It isn’t in our nature to forgive. So many times, there are pieces of forgiveness that we don’t understand, or feel like we can’t do. And so, we must make sure sure we keep Jesus as part of our forgiveness process.
The first “step” of forgiveness is simply the heart-decision to choose to forgive, no matter what it takes.
Like deciding to go to the gym and lose 10 pounds, no matter what it takes, kind of. It has to really resonate with you, and you have to commit to be committed. We all know how fickle our decisions can be. But then you have to re-make the commitment all the time, in big and little ways, until you get closer and closer to the goal – or in our case, further and further away from hurt, anger, bitterness, grief, resentment…the great ache.
Sometimes I sit on my two hands, to keep them from making the proverbial fist. To remind myself that these are wars I don’t understand, wars not mine to fight. To remind myself to physically move my lips and ask my Jesus to help me forgive, for truly the seven hundredth and seventy seventh time.
I tried to forgive him, but I don’t feel like I have.
Do not be afraid when unforgiveness rears its ugly head, after you’ve “decided to forgive.” 
It does come back, it will come back. And it will come back as a little lie in your head that tells you that you didn’t really forgive, you don’t have to, you don’t want to, or you can’t.
And when that lie comes, fight back with Jesus’ forgiveness and grace. We cannot fight lies on our own, for we are not authors of truth. We cannot fight unforgiveness on our own, for we are not bearers of undeserving gifts.
We have within us our own little god who shouts out justice, revenge, and simply hear me. But peace comes not when our little god reigns, for it never can. Peace comes when our little god trusts in the One who offered us an inheritance to His kingdom. Peace comes when our little god learns that she too has broken fists, a broken kingdom, a broken grace.
And so we must flat out ask Him to help us. To simply to fight unforgiveness for us. To be our great God who listens when our little god cries out to be heard. He will, for He loves to stand in defense of his children.
And it will get easier with time.
Christ have mercy on us all, broken and abandoned children, struggling and aching to reach the whole-ness of heaven, with our anger-is-simply-love-disappointed fists.
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Finally….someone who speaks of the process. I have been in the process for a very long time….I was born to a bipolar Mom who has chosen many times to not take her meds, resulting in many hospitalizations, etc. Decades later, she still lives in denial, is not taking the recommended doses and her verbal and psychological abuse has increased. Because of the stigma in the church with mental illness, very few have ever been able to relate and so the mantra is basically, “forgive and forget” not understanding the ramifications of being raised in this situation and exposed to it for decades leaves little chance of forgetting. That’s where trusting God in the process has come in for me…choosing to forgive a million times over, choosing to not allow bitterness to take root and now it would seem, realizing that forgivness can be accomplished by one, but reconciliation must be accomplished by two…only God can heal this situation, it truly is out of my control. I grieve the loss of a Mom who is still living and adjusting to letting go and leaving the results in the hands of our great God. Thank you so much …. this site has been a blessing since I found it.
Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous! Forgiveness is indeed a process and it does get easier with time, and it cannot be a human invention for it is too far from us. I LOVE this: We cannot fight lies on our own, for we are not authors of truth. We cannot fight unforgiveness on our own, for we are not bearers of undeserving gifts.
Thank you.
Beautifully said. I especially like the line, “We cannot fight lies on our own, for we are not authors of truth. We cannot fight unforgiveness on our own, for we are not bearers of undeserving gifts.”
And your last line–so good! The more I practice forgiveness, for every trivial little wrong that I face, the easier it gets. Also, the more I concentrate on getting the log out of my own eye, and thanking Jesus for his gifts in my life, the easier it is to forgive.
Do not be afraid when unforgiveness rears its ugly head, after you’ve “decided to forgive.”
A friend of mine believes that Jesus is still on the cross, that he never really came down for these very instances. He continues to die for us so that we can continue to be forgiven for the sins that rear their heads after we think they are conquered. What a great way to start my morning.
Thanks for this! There’s something here, hidden as almost a passing comment, that rocked my face just a bit:
“It will come back as a little lie in your head that tells you that you didn’t really forgive…”
It’s that doubt that always undermines my process: “You didn’t really decide…” “If you really wanted to be different, this wouldn’t have happened long ago…”
Thanks for recognizing and naming that lie. I shared this post here: http://www.welcometolove.net/2012/02/no-more-starting-over.html
P.S. I found your pink explosion too! I’m probably going to start spamming you soon, just FYI
You said it, you said it, YOU SAID IT!!! “Forgiveness is not a human-created thing; it is a God-created thing.” This is probably the most profound statement on the subject ever spoken simply because God is the author of grace and mercy as well. WE are always (as those created in His image) to be imitators…but we can not be perfect as He is at any of these things. Thankyou for your glimpse into this subject….I may ponder this some more and with your permission, quote you with a link-back in my next blog post. Bless you!
Recommit. Omaine! Your words are so true, so clear. Forgiveness takes so long, the journey is so painful, but it is so WORTH it in the end. To have your heart pure, empty for Him. That brings real joy and peace.
Thank you for your encouragement that it is a process!
Thank you so much for this post. It was just what I needed on a night when I couldn’t sleep because of trying to understand and forgive a hurt from a dear friend.