i would stand in my Sunday leotards after church on a curb with my pastor-father and mum and my brother and sisters and we’d hold signs that declared truth in magic marker letters, and then we’d go for day-old donuts, until the next year, when we’d do it all over again. and that’s all i knew about abortion. that the people who did it were evil and that holding these signs made us better somehow. good enough, anyway, to warrant day-old donuts.
and then i met someone who’d had an abortion and she wasn’t evil, just sad and needing love, like me, and she ended up teaching me something about myself: that i didn’t know Christ.
i knew Christians who said “go to church every Sunday and don’t have sex until marriage and don’t have babies until you’re married and don’t kill your babies or we’ll pound you over the head with magic-marker signs”. but i didn’t know Christ. the one whose great great grandmother was Bathsheba. the one who was a product of David’s lust, murdering, adultery and lying. the one who said “come to me, all you who are weary, and i will give you rest.” the one who overthrew tables in church, who hung out with the freak in the tree and who ate with women who slept around.
and where is the compassion? where is this Christ in our churches? for all of our talk about God is love, he is, in fact, law, in our steeple-buildings with their pulpits and their praise teams and their pro-life rallies.
personally, if i was pregnant and i’d been raped, or didn’t have a home or a job or a supportive family, and i passed by a long line of people in dresses and suits holding magic-marker signs that told me i was evil, i wouldn’t be convinced to save my child.
no, i’d be convinced even further that no one loved me.
“God’s love is so powerful, he can take your biggest mistake and turn it into something so beautiful it won’t make sense to anybody.” (Mark Gunghor)
{ 118 comments… read them below or add one }
so true.
i’ve been there. felt like there was no one i could talk to. no one that would love me without judgement. we are missing the point. christ called us to love in all circumstances- even when its ugly.
i’m so sorry you had to go through this melissa. yes. we are missing the point. love to you sister.
i have been the one who feels like a magic-marker sign was all of my faith I had to hold. that at least in squeaking out that juicy black and blue ink I was clarifying something in all the confusion. here is something i can wave when my heart is turning violently inside my own chest and i don’t have answers for others, let alone for me. sometimes the cardboard signs were my own cries for help, well disguised beneath laws, mandates, black and white rules. my very own torn-up box of a Savior. but let me tell you, it’s really hard to link arms with another person when you’ve got your knuckles tightened around cardboard edges. a death grip on answers. and if you’re not careful you grow to hate those people who don’t have to hold cardboard. who don’t have to tow a company line. who don’t have to pretend like the sign says it all.
thanks for stirring something up in me.
oh mandy. i’ve been there too. it is hard, to link those arms. i’m learning too. love to you sister.
yes, this is so good, emily.
loving that poor girl is a helluva lot harder than scribbling on poster boards. oh, only if the Church would see that we are to love her for who she is and stop acting like the pharisees. thank you for this. thank you for getting my blood pumping.
yes. if only… i love your heart, cheryl. xo
I’ve begun to wonder lately how our holding on so tightly to “the truth” shows any love at all. Being “right” and being Chirst-like don’t always happen at the same time. What if instead of telling broken women that they are murderers we embraced them, offered them a ride home, a shoulder to cry on, and a hot meal. What if we dared show them the same love Jesus showed the sinners (you know, us).
oh i know, brenna. this is exactly it. you get it, girl. thank you.
yes…reaching out to one broken heart…coming along side to help…wouldn’t that be more effective than… standing at a distance with our superior attitudes….
good words emily….
Blessings~
standing with you in the gap, friend, reaching out to those broken hearts, for i know what it is to be broken. love to you.
This is why I fear telling anyone I had an abortion. I told someone once and from then on, I was seen as a murderer in their eyes. What they didn’t take the time to find out was I had no other choice. I was 19 and was 90% sure the baby was a product of my father’s incest. I miss my baby (he or she- I believe it would have been a girl) would have just turned 5 at the beginning of this month. Do I miss what could have been? Yes. Does my heart hurt and ache over the loss? Yes. But in that moment, I did what I needed to do to protect my little one. I couldn’t take a chance my my father coming after her as well. And my family was of no help. So while I miss her greatly, I wouldn’t change my decision to have an abortion. But so often people look at the act and judge rather than getting to know the story. I was not a murderer. I am not a murderer. I was a terrified child. I needed, more than anything, to know and hear about the love that Christ has. I needed to know my little one is with Him rather than being told she is in hell. Words are powerful, especially to someone lost and hurting.
*hugs*
I used to be a sign holder, maybe not physically, but I passed judgement a lot on people for just about everything.
It’s stories like yours, like the author of the original post, that help me realize how little I know my Savior. I’m not sure when I changed, maybe when my sister-in-law committed suicide and I was concerned that people who didn’t know what she was going through up until her last moments would criticize and tell my husband, who already struggles with church “folk”, that it was a shame she was in hell now.
Or maybe it was just growing up.
Anyway, *hugs*. I hope that you are no longer terrified and that there are a lot of people who love you.
oh B… oh, i’m so sorry you had to go through this. i’m crying as i write this. i long for heaven when everything will be right and our children there, waiting for us, waiting to huge us tight and say, “it’s okay mama. you did all you could.” love you sister.
“it’s okay mama. you did all you could.”
thank you for those words.
Again, Thank You.
Beautiful words.
I was a sign holder, once…because that’s what good church girls did when the church ladies said it was important, after they showed us youth girls the pictures of abortion. It seemed “right” to hold the signs. It never even crossed my mind that a Christian shouldn’t hold the signs…until one day, a few years later(when we were grown) a friend commented that she had just seen the sign holders & that it made her sick. I was shocked. Later, our other friend, who heard it too, said she thought(knew) she said it because she had an abortion. Still…I didn’t really get it then.
I get it now.
For anyone who thinks it’s a done deal, that the mother walks out happy & free, that’s a Lie. To anyone who thinks only bad girls/women have abortions, that too is a Lie. Christians have abortions too. Yes, saved Christians. Ones who have found themselves in terrible situations, either because of abuse or rape or their own choices…out of despair and a feeling of no alternatives, they choose abortion. Unfortunately. Again, if you don’t know this or believe this, you do not know the truth.
But…there is forgiveness and healing and HOPE.
I still hate abortion. I hate it because of the devastation it can cause, because of what it is, the life it takes, but most of all I hate it because it is so used by the Enemy…to kill, steal, destroy…not just the life of the unborn, but the lives of those whose unborn children are with Jesus.
I don’t think the signs work. LOVE sounds much better.
Thank you again Emily for writing about this.
the lives of those whose unborn children are with Jesus.
amen, amen, amen. xo
“I get it now.”
thank you for writing. if i am honest, i was shaking as i wrote that comment, terrified of being judged and ridiculed for my choice. for having to make a choice as a child that could see no other options. i didn’t know how to rescue myself, much less my child. so to see the response from people on here, it has helped my heart so much.
Amen, amen, amen.
love you dear laura.
Yes and amen.
thank you ashleigh. love your heart, girl. xo
tell it emily….true that…what love do we show those that we shun..in effort to what prove our own purity…each one has a story that begs us to listen…great topic…
brian, you are one of the most compassionate people i have ever met. i am so inspired by your heart. thank you.
Beautifully said, convicting, true.
Thanks for sharing.
thank you, dear jenn. xo
Wow, so much truth coming to me today! Thank you for your post. It’s beautiful. And it has helped me realize how little I know about Christ. I often forget that it wasn’t the super righteous that he sat down with, but the screw ups and goof balls – you know, the average human being. It makes me feel better to be reminded of this.
I love the quote at the end. I’m going to write it down and post it on my desk at work and on my desk at home and probably on the fridge and the bathroom mirror and maybe next to the remote on the coffee table, it’s just that good!
i just discovered that quote last night on a DVD series my husband and i are going through: “Laugh your way to a better marriage.” bless you, dear wendi. xo
The last two paragraphs of this are exactly how I feel. It’s a cliche to say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but it’s so true. No one will ever convince another person of their position by being “mean” in any way. The only way you can convince people is by showing them, and they have to be ready to change their mind. Whether the topic is abortion or any other large or small issue. When it comes to something like abortion, it’s easy to see how anyone in that situation needs compassion and understanding, not hate.
yes. i agree completely, jessica. thank you for this. blessings, e.
one of my mostly-unspoken prayers this year is to somehow be able to walk in the shoes of the broken, rejected, unloved; to feel their pain and see life through their eyes. to see religion through their eyes…to see myself through their eyes.
and what do they see?
this affects everything….
thank you for this wrenching piece.
i love the beautiful depths of your heart, friend. you are so tender. you are much like Jesus, i think.
love e.
This is spot-on. The human ache for love is easier to ignore when we hide behind a sign that removes us and makes us right. It used to be so easy to hide behind the signs, but as I get older I am continually faced with my own ache, making me more compassionate towards others and myself.
“continually faced with my own ache.” so well said. thank you janae.
I used to be a sign holder, I used to work outside an abortion clinic for the pro-life… That was 28 years ago. I was also a sign holder at “The Last Temptation of Christ” movie when it opened over 20 years ago… I was such a good religious woman…. but I didn’t really know the heart of the Father. I misrepresented His heart more times than I can count. I am grateful for redemption, a redemption that takes all that and makes it good, somehow, someway…..
I’ve heard recently of a conversation between and aunt and her niece. She said, “I don’t want to know the God that your mother portrays.” It’s true, you know. The picture of God that many give today is not one that many would want to remember…
This piece was beautiful. Though the details are different it tells my story as well. I am learning the true heart of Jesus that indwells me. I will never be the same!
oh julie, your heart is beautiful. i love how humble you are. bless you. e.
This was wonderful.
The ones that really confuse me are the ones in D.C. who wear tape over their mouths that says “LIFE.” one of them told me they do that to appear non-judgmental. Um, if someone has tape over their mouth, all that says to me is “you don’t want to talk to me, and you care more about the 3 cells in my uterus than you do about me. I am nothing to you.” I can’t say that if I was a teenager, or if had been raped or a victim of incest or if someone told me I was going to die delivering my child that abortion would never be an option for me. I feel like seeing the gray areas and the nuance is sometimes particularly hard for believers, but we need to engage with those things. Great piece.
amen, rachel, about the taping of the mouths. that makes me so sad. thank you for sharing my heart, friend.
You spoke for me today. Thank you!
oh, i’m so glad debbie. bless you.
saying “yes,” to this, through my tears…
i love you leslie. xo
Amen. This is good stuff, Emily.
thank you friend. bless you.
Oh, Emily. Your tender words make the world a better place. Words of Jesus’s mercy are found here.
this is my heart’s longing, dear lisa. thank you for always encouraging me. xo
I nearly had an abortion at 18. I thank God every day that I didn’t as I wouldn’t have the most precious gift my 13 year old daughter with me now. At the time I had nothing and no one I was literally homeless for a while and it seemed crazy to continue with the pregnancy but something (someone, Jesus
kept me going day by day, moment by moment. A couple of years ago I had a D&C for a late miscarriage, the physical trauma involved in having an abortion is horrible as is the emotional trauma I my heart aches for the girls and women who are in such a painful position. Judgment is never going to save anyone’s life, love stands a far greater chance! Thank you for this message Emily, it needs to be out there.
xx
oh suzy. your life is such a powerful testimony. love you sister.
I never have and never would wave a sign at a woman entering an abortion clinic. I don’t believe that is the way. BUT. I don’t necessarily think the people doing it think they are better than the people entering the clinic. Could it be that they are desperate to save children about to be murdered and don’t, for whatever reason, (poor mentoring, teaching, Gospel-less living) know a better way. My heart breaks for the girl/woman entering the clinic but oh so too does it cry out for the millions of babies put to death by our hands. I beginning to believe that abortion is scarring all of us more deeply that we are able to see through our blindness. But markers and signs DO NOT save babies, show love to mothers, or heal our culture.
B, your story breaks my heart… I can’t believe people can ever say such hateful things. Your little one is in the arms of a loving God, as are you xx
yes. amen.
That’s a WORD. Thanks for sharing.
bless you, dear emilee. (love the spelling of your name) xo
The people who hold these signs, I have no doubt, hold great amounts of passion. I fully believe they are sincerely hoping with everything they have, to end abortion. Their urgency, conviction, and dedication is honestly, admirable. I spend a great deal of time wondering what would happen if these people channeled this energy, this epic passion, into SUPPORTING pregnant mothers. If they spent their time fundraising to provide childcare, food, parenting classes, baby clothes, counseling, education…. just like someone said above, what if they offered hands to hold instead of judgement? What if there was a list of phone numbers you could call full of women in the community who will stay in the waiting room when you have your procedure and will drive you home afterward? The Church is supposed to be the haven, the sanctuary for people whom society has failed, not the place the broken people feel scared of.
oh christina this is it! exactly! we can do so much good if we harness that passion and turn it into compassion… xo
Love is better spelled with hands and arms held out than in magic marker, I think. Beautiful, Em. Love to you.
I think the more I recognize the brokenness inside me, and let the Father heal that brokenness, the more my heart has been open to reaching the broken. My eyes opened to see fields of harvest where I needed to work that I didn’t see before. Then, in the journey as a mom living through teen rebellion, my spirit humbled – and my heart opened to see more fields of harvest, to love, to nurture to reach to. Lives are changed when hearts are touched with love. Beautiful truth, Emily! A call to love, to touch a life!
this made my heart clench and twist hard.
i am undone, emily.
bless you.
i love the way your heart clenches and twists hard, rachel. you are beautiful, sister. e.
Well written Emily. Your voice and your logic and love need to be heard in the USA, in particular, on this subject.
So many girls make such hard decisions, to keep a baby or to abort a baby. It is a frequent, common, terribly terribly difficult decision. Either decision can of course be the most difficult decision the girl ever makes. And these decisions may be thought about every day for the rest of their lives. But at the time they make them, almost everybody is making the best decision they can given their situation at the time. It doesn’t help for others to tell them they are wrong, it doesn’t bring anything good to be told you are wrong once the decision is made.
Love and forgiveness tend to bring about better communities, and a better world, than people pushing for one-size-fits-all rules or legislation. Some rules are good (eg don’t drive through red traffic lights) and help almost everyone almost all of the time. Some ideas cant easily be made into rules (legislation about abortions) because there are too many factors involved and legislators or protesters cannot possibly understand ahead of time what individuals take into account as they make the enormous decision to keep a baby or abort in difficult circumstances.
I love babies. I love new life. I personally dont believe I could ever have an abortion. But I cant speak for others on what is right for them as they make their best and hardest decision. You just hope they receive fair, extended, loving counselling to truly support what must often be a heart-breaking and terrifying moment, especially for young people.
Let us not judge what we do not understand. We cannot understand an individual’s pain, although we may feel we have lived something similar.
I applaud you Emily for speaking and writing as you do. I happen to think you are terrific!
Alison
alison, thank you. i love what you’ve written here. yes, “let us not judge what we do not understand.” may we only love. bless you friend. e.
Em, oh Em, this is not the entire pro-life community. We love them through the unexpected pregnancy. We dress them, feed them, teach them, house them. We don’t love the babies at the expense of the mother. Oh Em, please don’t steer so many away from the truth. He knit us together in our mother’s womb. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. There are homes for every child and enough love to go around. I’ve watch churches withdraw their support of communities like Care Net. Where will these women go if we don’t support them? I guess, they will go to the abortionist.
hi beautiful friend, i agree with you. we are fearfully and wonderfully made. i long for the mothers to know this as well… i long for the church to be a beacon of hope for the women needing it. and i long to save the children also. i think we’re on the same page, sister. love e.
I so appreciate this post, Emily. I have always been against abortion … but I also do not rally against abortion. I have known many women in my life who’ve had them. You’re right, they are not monsters – they are caring, feeling women who are scared, who thought they had no other choice. Not only for the babies do I weep, but for the women who feel that there are no other options. It’s amazing the choices we make when we are scared and afraid, faced with hopelessness, fear of judgment, fear of rejection … what they need most of all is love and compassion – it goes so much farther, and it gives hope to the desperate, it gives hope to those who have none, who struggle to find some.
hope. it’s all about this, no? love to you, sister. thank you for this. for sharing my heart. e.
It’s like a dagger to my chest, not because I have ever held a sign, but rather because I’ve judged instead of helped, because I’ve chosen law over love, because I have said “at least I didn’t do that…” instead of facing what I have actually done.
This is a beautiful piece that beckons us to examine our hearts before we condemn someone else’s.
jen, your comments are always so thoughtful and sincere. thank you. love you, girl.
Standing up for people…babies who can’t speak for themselves is the epitomy of love, IF done so with humility and compassion. Most of the ‘sign-wearing’ people I know are LOADED w/ compassion for the mother(s). Nothing makes my blood boil more than peeps who point fingers of condemnation. (Who KNOWS what nasty, painful, LONELY debacle these ladies may be struggling with as they drive by these signs feeling that pregnancy nausea, broken dreams, abandonment….or weighed down w/ guilt???!!)
All that to also state that the MANY of the pro-life, sign wearing peeps I know are some of the most compassionate, hands-on caring people I know. YES…. *SOME *ARE heartless & judgmental (a very small percentage, though, imo) It’s shallow and deplorable. But, we ALL need grace….even them. Perhaps their hearts are broken by the incredible suffering innocent babies endure, and they’re standing in anger (which kinda defeats the purpose, imo). Regardless, it’s like the pot calling the kettle black *judging those who judge abortionists*, right? Time to stop pointing fingers, generalizing, STEREOTYPING, and empathizing with each other. It IS possible to faithfully defend innocent babies, while supporting their mothers w/ PASSIONATE HEARTS OF DEVOTION AND COMPASSION….and I know MANY who do. <3
oooh love this julia! amen! to this esp: It IS possible to faithfully defend innocent babies, while supporting their mothers w/ PASSIONATE HEARTS OF DEVOTION AND COMPASSION….and I know MANY who do.
Amen, thank you for saying this.. I support homeless women in my job, and many have faced this decision, and of course I love them, and pray pray pray for them too. But my heart still BREAKS for babies who lose their lives. The babies have no choice. They are MORE vulnerable than the mothers. I had a strong anger about abortion too when I was much younger, but working with these women has of course naturally dissipated the judgmental side of that anger – when face to face with a hurting person, your perspective changes whether you like it or not, and you love the one in front of you. It’s not a simple issue, to state the obvious
that’s exactly it, friend. when face to face with hurt, we are filled with empathy… bless you and the very important work that you do.
Lots of truth here. I am very much pro-life but I think of it more of the life of a baby who doesn’t have a voice.
thank you miranda. i’m on your side. i’m very much pro-life too… (but, life, in all senses of the word, if you know what i mean)
Love this beautiful Emily. You are always nurturing our souls with your wisdom. This is why I’ve never been a pro-life rallier/protester, too. It seems the antithesis of our purpose in the midst of life’s storms. I would be annoyed, not drawn in to love, and we all need love, every last one of us.
oh yes, dear lori. i need so much love. and you, girl, you are so very loving. you really are. bless you.
this is beautiful. It reminds me of a lost friendship though. I went to a Catholic Girls highschool. I was never part of the pro life group but my best friend was. There came a point where I thought I was pregnant and I KNEW I could not be a mother. She stopped talking to me just when I needed a friend over this. In the end I wasn’t pregnant, but she never spoke to me again. In our senior year she found herself in the same spot and in the end did NOT have a baby. I’ve always wondered if she at least came full circle in her judgment of me.
I saw a bumper sticker that said love them both, it’s perfect, how can you love the baby and hate the mother so. You just never know the situation.
how this story makes me ache, melissa… hind-sight is 20/20, no? i’m so sorry you (and your friend) had to go through this. love to you.
i was one of them– i loved the rallies because it gave me a chance to stand up and DO something.
…and then I asked myself what pro-life really means.
and then i realized it wasn’t just about the baby, but it was about the mother and it was about the guy on death row and it was about the child abandoned by parents and about the people going to bed without any food tonight, and about the guy in the business suit and the annoying woman at my church, too.
it changed everything for me. I keep my sweatshirt with its clever slogan, but keep it as a reminder of what I traded in for something more.
This was beautiful. Thanks.
love this. so much. thank you for sharing, m.
Thank you for putting into words the uneasy feeling I get when asked to participate in “pro-life” activities. I think Satan laughs when we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in these controversies and forget about the one thing Jesus calls us to do; love God and love His people. It’s such a simple (yet difficult) law that we burry under all the ones we think we can handle. Do not commit adultery-check. Do not murder-check…
yes, dear katherine! yes. xo
preach it.
you’re the best, bethany ann.
You could substitute any one of the issues the modern evangelical church goes to over. The spiritual battle is real, but we must remember when it comes to the lost ours is a not a “scorched earth” strategy but a rescue mission! Bold truth. Thank you for addressing this, Emily.
We are still participating in “Life Chains”. Signs don’t say anyone is evil, just that ‘abortion kills children’; also there are others now affirming that ‘Jesus heals and forgives’. Yes the church needs to do more, including Crisis Pregnancy centres and young moms’ groups. But somehow we also still need to be raising society’s awareness of the damage abortion does. Also we’re supposed to be praying for folks as we stand and hold the signs, not condemning them. (Emily’s dad)
hi dad
thank you so much for sharing this. i was wondering what you were thinking about the post. i like the idea of praying for people. still don’t like the signs though 
but i love you, very much. em.
I don’t do rallies either and loved this post. For, in our lack of compassion, we are turning many away. Yet, what I loved most was this last exchange between your father and you. My father is also a pastor and we think differently in ways. Yet we love each other. It made me want to cry. So, thank you Emily and ‘Dad”.
aw
thank you shanda.
I dont tell either. But I feel the Lord nudging me, to speak of the issue. To tell my story in church for broken and hurting and hiding. I was raised thinking abortion was a choice. Not bad not good. just a choice. I had an abortion – twice. The first time I was 15. Young …understanding I was not able to be a mother. I barely had a mother..she was drowning herself in alcohol. The second time I was 17 and was with an abusive boyfriend. I didnt want that life for my child. Looking back I could have done different but nonetheless it is my history. I know Christ has covered my sins. I know He has healed my wounds. But I fear those being riped open and gasoline ground in if I ever told.
oh friend. thank you for sharing. i’m so sorry for the pain you’ve gone through, and for the way you’ve been so alone in it all. i hope God gives you the opportunity to share your story, because i think there are so many women like you, just aching to be heard…. love to you. e.
I hear your heart and the truth of this Em. The signs, and the attitude, can be so hurtful. But I do know that there are those from the church who work in centers where love and compassion and practical help are offered. We really can hate the sin and love the sinner. It is what we ought to do. We too often forget about the love.
i agree with you, friend. there is so much good we can do, and so much good that is being done. love you.
We don’t always put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, as you have so eloquently done here, Emily. Thank you for reminding me that my mind and mouth need to reflect a loving God.
just as Jesus drew the line in the sand for the prostitute, we must do the same for anyone, no matter who or what they have done. and it helps just a little to remember that but for the grace of God, we could be the same person regretting the decision, or a street girl, with no way to better our situation–we are no different–the only difference is we have opened up to receive grace.
i am pro-life and always will be, but i dont think i would ever do a rallie, just because i know how people view it–not loving, but condemning. i would however, stand up and be involved if the community asked christians to help change legislature to go pro-life. thanks Emily, for writing what so many are afraid to say, “where is the compassion? where is this Christ in our churches?” we have condemned those we should be helping for far too long. when the prostitute came to Jesus, and the crazy freak in the tree came to Jesus, they were repentant of their sins. they did not feel worthy of him. they did not come to Jesus and then continue in their sin. the repentant heart is always what Jesus was after..to come to Him just as you are and let Him take you, broken, and make you into something beautiful.
blessings,
Nacole
your heart is so beautiful, friend. xo
Too many people are holding too many signs about too many things. If we could see the world through God’s eyes, we put down all our signs and drop to our knees. Someday—-every knee will bow, until then we work out our salvation with fear and trembling. Not fear of law but fear that we won’t bring the Lord the glory He alone is worthy to receive.
beautiful dea. thank you.
I read a blog post that one of my dear friends posted today titled “God’s rules vs. House rules,” this reminded me of her post.
We forget so easily that without love we are just making noise. And sadly so often that noise is attacking those who Need HIM the most!
Thank you for sharing your honesty!
“we are just making noise.” yes, shannon. so true. bless you.
Beautifully said Em. Sadly, it’s the big signs that attract the cameras–not the compassionate hearts who tearfully wrap arms around lonely, broken girls.
thank you for your loving heart, dear connie. xo
Some good concern here, Emily, but one childhood memory does not represent an entire movement. I urge you – go to a local 40 days for life prayer vigil, see with fresh eyes how the participants pray for and interact with the women and clinic workers. They are gentle and winsome, and they are sought out. Go to their website and read the testimonies. Ask them what they do in their personal lives and behind the scenes. The pro-life advocates I know are among the most big-hearted, well-informed, and authentic followers of Christ around. They are incredibly hands-on loving and effective in all of their ministry, to women (pre or post-abortion), babies and children.
All you have to do is look around to be overwhelmed by the evidence that the Christ of love who came to fulfill the law (not abolish it) IS in our churches. In fact, He IS the Church. And He is living and active through millions of hands and feet, including those in the pro-life movement.
I have a dream… that one day abortion will be viewed the same way in our society as slavery is now. If people held up signs today stating that they were praying to end slavery, or any other violent crime against a victim (or multiple victims), it would not be seen as hateful or controversial or unhelpful. Nor would it be viewed as an attack on the very people they aimed to help. Nor would passers-by be likely to defend “exceptions” to slavery being okay or not. Members of today’s pro-life community are yesterday’s abolitionists. Those radical activists who not only appeared with signs (of truth and love) in public to change hearts and minds and laws, but who also helped actual slaves escape to freedom through the underground railroad, and helped to reunite broken families. Let us not be ashamed to do the same, or at least to be IDENTIFIED with those who are doing real and undeniable kingdom work, in love and power, bringing much glory to the name of Christ, and hope and healing to countless thousands.
hi beautiful annie… i agree with you. i am definitely pro-life. i agree that there being many lovely, loving, passionate people in the movement, and i think all of the behind the work stuff is powerful. the praying, the interacting with women and seeking to help them. i just don’t like the signs. i don’t see them doing any good, and haven’t yet met anyone who was shown Christ by those signs. i have, however, met people who have been convinced there is no Christ because of those signs and that’s what i’m fighting against.
i think deep down we’re on the exact same page.
love you girl. e.
A sign cannot “convince” someone that there is or is not a Christ. That has to do with where a person’s heart already is, in the process of God working with them. Signs will help some profoundly, and tip their hearts towards life and hope, while others are hostile and will add any possible excuse to their list of “why I don’t like Christians.” Lots of people didn’t like what Jesus stated either – whether he spoke, or read from the scrolls, or scribbled on the ground, but he didn’t stop speaking in truth and love because some people were offended or convicted. Many people incredibly turned away from Christ himself – the most compelling and loving figure in history. So just because some reject a message, whatever the form/media, doesn’t mean that entire form/media is invalid and wrong. The signs that simply state “we are praying” or “there is hope” or “God loves you” or provide the phone number of a crisis center are helpful to many, many women who are grasping for hope (and maybe literally “a sign”) before they go into the clinic. Again, read the testimonies on the websites. One advantage of signs (as opposed to speaking, approaching, or having to shout across a parking lot) is that they provide a silent communication as to why those people are standing there, who they represent, and what information they have to offer. Women and clinic workers do approach them because of what they read and want to ask about. Many women write down the phone numbers in their cars and never get out and go into the clinic at all. Many people driving by didn’t realize there was an abortion clinic in their neighborhood, and are moved to get involved in positive ways. Not all Christians are called to do this particular activity (I’m not arguing that, and I have never done it myself) but we may not glibly condemn all signs and their bearers across the board. God can and does use them. Who are we to say how God can work?
God used a sign over the cross that read “This is Jesus, the King of the Jews” as a pretty powerful testimony, even to the soldiers and the centurion who participated in the crucifixion. But they also stood among mockers, who were convinced he was not the Christ, and simply pointed fingers of condemnation and ridicule, in indignation and offense. God didn’t say “oops” and take down the sign. True, it was nailed there by sinners, but it spoke to a powerful truth and the truth is like a magnet that will either attract or repel.
As Christians, we strive to love and attract, but if we stopped doing everything that “offended” someone, we would all sit at home and do nothing, for fear that some people might continue to reject Christ and be “turned off” by his offer of love and healing. (Some people don’t want to admit there’s anything wrong that they need healing from.) This is why the people holding the signs also pray – because we are all farmers casting seeds but God alone knows and works in the soil of human hearts. God’s miracle is that some do bear fruit. It is God’s work, not the signs (or any other method), but God does ordain simple, human means to accomplish his amazing, life-changing, eternal ends.
Honestly, if you haven’t seen the signs doing any good, or haven’t met anyone who was shown the love of Christ through the words on (and the human face above) some sign, then talk to more people, do more reading, engage in some investigative, on-site journalism. Otherwise, there’s a danger of just assuming and misjudging from a distance, the same as you claim to have done as a child, only now directed towards a different group of people.
(P.S. I know that you’re pro-life, and I hope it’s not so very “deep down” that we’re on the same page – or sign.)
friend, thank you for sharing your thoughts. i’d encourage you to take a minute to read through the other comments here, both from former sign-holders and from women who’ve had an abortion. it was very eye-opening for me as well. hope you are well, annie. love you. em.
I did read the other comments – all 56 (and counting) of them. And your responses to them. Apart from the one-liners of praise, yes, these kinds of testimonies and opinions are an important part of the story, but not the whole story. (Not even all of these 56 responders are post-abortive women, or negative about signs.) Of the comments that did have to do DIRECTLY with sign-holding, most involved speculation about hypothetical scenarios and emotions, not actual experiences, from people who admittedly would never hold a sign or participate in interventionist activity. That makes it easy to criticize those who do. The five actual former sign-holders confessed having misguided motives and confusion about why they were acting in that way to begin with.
My proposition is simply this – that unborn babies and women at risk of abortion (or women post-abortion) need it all – the prayers, the crisis centers, the local church communities, the compassionate godly friends, and even the advocates/counselors holding brochures and (loving) signs outside clinics. It does not have to be ALL one type of effort and NONE of the other. The majority of people who continue to hold signs are not confused or lacking understanding about why they do… because so many have seen the positive results of their presence. Apparently, (sadly) the five former sign-holders represented here did not. But because of the continuing faithfulness of those called to share a message, pray, and converse with people outside of clinics, many women have not experienced the tragedy and bitterness of abortion. (Or else have been directed toward healing resources.) There are many legitimate pieces of the puzzle that God uses to make up the whole picture of blessing and redemption through his body the church.
There is much tragedy and bitterness here in the testimonies of women who have undergone the suffering of an abortion, and my heart aches for them, as if I knew them face to face. But not one of them mentioned a presence of sign-holders or people praying outside the clinic. Perhaps if there HAD been caring people standing there, some of the stories might be different. Of the people who failed them, it appears to have been their own families and peer-group “friends.” (Not to mention the broader lies and deceptive propaganda of culture.) Not every uncaring and immature person who failed them was a representative of “the church,” nor did they claim that, that we should blame our brothers and sisters in Christ for being widely uncaring and immature in their efforts.
I wonder – what if you had written a post describing a positive, real-life testimony of an encounter outside a clinic? (There are currently over 400 such stories from the latest, ongoing prayer campaign on the 40 days for life website. http://www.40daysforlife.com.) The comments your post elicited would have been much different, or at least framed in a different light. I suspect you could still be a voice promoting compassion to women (and babies) in need, and encourage those who need healing, without denouncing the labors of brothers and sisters in Christ who are no less Spirit-led AND Spirit-blessed in their endeavors.
With love from one sister in Christ to another.
-Annie
You have more comments than you can read, but I just wanted you to know that I read this — and you do know Christ.
Awesome post.
thank you so much harriett. xo
I have never done a pro-life rally and don’t envision myself doing one. I don’t think it will stop a girl or woman going inside to have an abortion, and will, as you have so eloquently stated, make them feel even less loved. However, I think there are many women who have been raised without any moral compass-no idea that abortion is terrible. How will we reach these women and girls? And how will the pro-life movement persuade the public that their cause is valid and has a substantial following if they do not ‘take it to the streets?’ It is equally easy to condemn those who chose abortion and those who hold signs; but the real question is what are WE doing to help end this heartbreaking problem?
ah, very good points, debora… you’ve convicted me here. thank you.
I was incredibly encouraged to read this post. I work at a Crisis Pregnancy Center and am very excited to see those in the church beginning to take a more compassionate approach to unplanned pregnancy. While I think that those holding the signs believe that they are doing good, I don’t think that they realize the effect of their signs on my girls. It does not at all convey concern or love for the mother (especially not graphic signs), and, to be honest, I think it does more to push them away from making a life-affirming decision about their pregnancy. Thank you so much for writing this post!
it is so good to know this, bethany. thank you for sharing. bless you for the work that you do. xo
i love this article. i was also a sign-holder, back in the day. and i remember once, on a sunny sunday afternoon, standing on centennial parkway with my friends and family, holding our signs so piously and counting blue cars because, frankly, piety is boring, sometimes… my friend said, “i wonder… what if a woman drove past us, and she’d had an abortion. how would she feel, seeing all of us here?” that moment was almost 20 years ago. and i still remember every detail. and i haven’t held a sign since, because, you know… what *would* she feel? she couldn’t possibly feel peace or joy or community or Love… and yet, for a long time, i still held the left-overs of legalism. i really don’t know how to explain it, but it’s sort of reluctant judgement, i guess… i don’t *want* them to feel ashamed, but what they did was just so heinous….
then my youngest son was born. and at 8 days old, he almost died and was diagnosed with a severe congenital heart defect. since then, over the past 4.5 years, we’ve been through 28 hospital admissions, 13 surgeries (including 3 massive open hearts). he has a pacemaker. he has congestive heart failure. he has more doctors than my entire extended family combined. we’re greeted in the ER *by name*. both of us. at two hospitals. he has anxiety and PTSD. he’s in therapy. he has an assistant at school and is excluded from a lot of activities all the other kids get to do, including gym class. people stare at his scars. he’s afraid of doctors and nurses and surgeons.
and i know that, if he had been diagnosed prenatally, i would have been given the option to abort. i love my son. and i know other heart moms who love their children. but i’m going to be honest, this is a brutally painful and horrifically difficult life. i know women, in their 20s and 30s, who chose to end their pregnancies when they learned their child had severe health issues. and while i am fairly certain i wouldn’t take the same decision, i can’t say i blame them for their choice. it’s hard either way. my son isn’t going to survive. imagine living with your child, watching him grow up, knowing all the while that really, all these meds and surgeries are just buying time and aren’t really “fixing” anything. that’s this life. and if someone isn’t up to it, i can’t blame them. i understand, a little bit.
having my son softened my heart toward this issue. these are people we’re talking about. not monsters. not teenage sluts and whores and selfish feminists (the horror!!!!). these are women, deeply and unconditionally loved by the Creator who designed their unique fingerprints and who walks their journey with them. and i want to honour that part of their spirit, not condemn them because of a very difficult time in their lives.
oh heather. oh friend. i wish i could sit down with you, over tea, and cry with you, and pray with you, and wonder why the heck these things happen and beg God for a miracle with you. i wish i could hold your youngest son. i wish i could turn your story into a book for that is what it deserves. i wish i could promise to keep your son alive.
i love what you wrote, i cried through what you wrote, and it will always stay with me, this story. thank you. e.
Wow, Emily, this is so true! A well-reasoned piece on how NOT to try to love the unborn–or the precious women who carry them.
thank you, dear elaina! love you girl.
While not something that has crossed my path in a directly personal way, the Christian response to abortion is something that stays near the forefront of my thoughts. I know that I was startled by the emotions and half-formed thoughts that erupted in me when I found out a non-believing friend had had an abortion. For the writer of the entry, and to those who shared stories, thank you for your courage and insight. I pray we would all never be “sign-holders” (literally or figuratively) in this, or any other, regard. I know how difficult it is to think “I’d never judge someone in that situation” and then turn around and find yourself doing it.
Christ, teach us how to love
yes, dear friend. i echo that prayer. bless you.
i’m so, so, so glad brittany. xo