Sandusky has been convicted and an investigation released last week found that Joe Paterno and others “looked the other way to save face and maintain the football program’s prestige.” Yesterday, Joe Paterno’s statue was removed from Penn State and the university has been hit with severe penalties.
I am thankful justice is being served, but I have to wonder: will pastors like Shaun King issue a retraction, rescind their support and apologize for defending Paterno?
I hope they do because what happened at Penn State is happening in the Church. Children are being sexually abused, their abusers protected and some Christian teachers are even advocating sexual oppression as Biblical.
Last week I watched as my friend Rachel Held Evans courageously confronted a misogynistic theology that says wifely submission extends to the marriage bed. This theology of oppression seeks to subdue, conquer and “colonize” and is far more prevalent than we imagine. The backlash Rachel received was telling. We are looking away from horrific evil in order to maintain the prestige of our religious programs and theology.
Rachel’s brave stand reminded me of my own battle against the wicked, violent teachings of Michael & Debi Pearl.
When I first started sharing my firsthand experience with their abusive “child-training” methods, I felt very alone. There were only a few of us telling our stories. I was threatened. I was shamed. But I continued to speak out because I knew children were suffering and dying. Yes, we were a small, “vocal minority” but we kept speaking. We kept marching around those walls and one day, the walls came down.
Horrific crimes against children are allowed to continue when people love their legacy more than justice, when they prefer to save face rather than confront perpetrators.
Women and children are being abused in the name of God and when bloggers like myself and Rachel speak out against this we are called godless, slanderers, gossips, book-burning thugs.
We are shamed. We are warned about “speaking against God’s anointed.” We are accused of being “shrill,” “emotional” and “angry.” Apparently, if we have a problem with violence-enabling theology, we should politely raise our hands and submissively whisper our question. We should never, ever get angry. In fact, maybe we should just shut up altogether. You know, like Paterno did.
No, we will not be quiet. No, we will not remain calm and dispassionate in the face of horrific evil.
And so, I say it’s time for those Christians who defended Paterno to apologize. It’s shameful that Christian men were given huge, Christian-based platforms whereby they rebuked us shaming words like: Don’t you know we’re ALLLLL Paterno?
I am disturbed by this harmful idea of “grace” that is gaining popularity today. It is an idea that precludes actual accountability and directly leads to the further endangerment of children.
I find this grace to be cheap, shoddy and a false substitute for true grace. True grace is just as relentless about truth-telling as it is about restoration.
Before broken things can be restored, there must come a necessary reckoning.
We can’t fix what’s broken until we understand what broke it.
As a survivor of religiously-sanctioned abuse, I will not be quiet. Will you?
reminds me of seeking help from church leadership and being told to go home and be a good wife and that i must be doing something wrong and with some soul searching could make myself be a “good” wife.after finally walking away and being in a really wonderfull relationship for over two decades, reading this blog today brought it flooding back. i thought i had forgiven and forgotten as i havve not thought of it for ages.
Beautifully, heart-wrenchingly written. I will stand up with you.
I will not be silent. Thank you for writing this.
“True grace is just as relentless about truth-telling as it is about restoration.” Yes. Thank you.
As a Christian and feminist, these silencing tactics in the “name of God” are horrifying and reprehensible to me. But you are so right, Elizabeth. We WILL use our voices to shatter the silence of abuse, of those in power choosing their legacy over righteousness and justice. The tide is turning.
Just spent last weekend at a wonderfully balanced conference on abuse. Much was centered on child abuse, but other abuse topics were discussed. Basically walked away with admonitions that if you think of anything else besides protecting the victim you are probably doing the wrong thing. You can see some of the slides in these two places. On Phil’s site click on ‘articles’ and go toward the end of the list. These are two great places for people who want to make a difference.
http://wisecounsel.wordpress.com/
http://netgrace.org/
Too often “grace” and “forgiveness” mean “we don’t want to talk about this” and “don’t embarass people in leadership”. If an offender has TRULY changed, there will not be a cone of silence around his or her past. Paul didn’t pitch a fit when his past was discussed, HE brought it up himself.
I’m also truly distressed by the “we’re all Joe Paterno” trend I see among some Christians. What happened to aligning ourselves with the victims? Not enough attention down there on the floor with the weeping and the nameless?
KatR, I love your insights! So true!!!!!
Thank you for this, Elizabeth. So often in our haste to say, “All sin is the same! All sin is the same!” we relegate the least of this to unspeakable atrocities. Even if all sin is the same in heaven (which, for the record, I do NOT believe) – it’s not here on earth. That’s why those who preach the word of God have GREATER responsibility.
It’s so unlike Jesus for us to continually choose to identify with abusers rather than the abused. Grace is not a free pass to abuse. Grace is not a blind eye to abuse. Grace is not something that abusers get to experience while their victims are told to keep quiet and act like their pain doesn’t exist.
This is so near and dear to my heart. And it’s so, so encouraging to see people like you taking a stand against the church’s involvement in enabling and covering up these evils. It makes it easier to breathe. It makes it easier to heal.
“Grace is not something that abusers get to experience while their victims are told to keep quiet and act like their pain doesn’t exist.”
wow. that is powerful and well said. thank you…
Seeing people like you “taking a stand… makes it easier to breathe… easier to heal.” Yes, Dani, exactly.
Thank you for this. Very well written.
EE, this is an excellent post. I am not going to stay silent, either.
Thank you for using your words. Words are powerful.
someday i hope to be able to write my own thoughts on all of this, but for now it is all just too close to home. so thank you for speaking up, and for calling for true grace, true repentance, which i know can lead to true reconciliation.
Beautifully said. I also believe that once a Christian leader has made a grievous error in morality, whilst being a leader, he/she should be taken out of a position of leadership for good. My mom and I have these discussions where we sort of disagree. She “kind of” feels that they should have the possibility of leadership again somewhere down the road, as long as they have shown true repentance. I counter that betrayal can be forgiven but shouldn’t be forgotten. There are too many sociopaths out there that can make you believe they are repentant. When it comes to offenders against children, I know God’s forgiveness extends to them, but I don’t think that they should be accepted into the community. I may sound utterly biased, but I don’t want a child molester anywhere near my kids.
I will not be silent! Thank you for taking a stand and writing this! For speaking up for women and children. It is appreciated more than you know.
Thank you for turning your ashes into beauty. I’m all too aware of the misuse of grace. You lose a lot when you speak up, but you gain so much more. Thank you!
I am dealing with this now. My relationship is troubled, and many people’s advice is to just, “Do you job. You don’t have to like it, but you have to do your job, your job as a mother and wife”…and I’m looking for the line still, between duty and desire, between obedience and freedom. It’s hard. But I don’t think God has ever called us to be liars. And I think Christians often “lie” or hide things for the sake of the law.
So I won’t lie anymore. I have gone for help, I have stood my ground. I’m not giving up on my marriage, and I will continue to get wise counsel. However, I’m not just going to put up with sin anymore which I think is really the way to show grace to my husband AND to my children. It’s hard though, because I’m finding that when I stand against other’s sins, I have to face my own.
Thanks for writing this article.
I am currently reading “The Power of a Woman’s Words” and this article is a perfect example of their power and depth. Thank you for standing up to the ‘sports society’ that has for too long overlooked, excused and just plain didn’t give a darn about anything but the ‘almighty football game!’ There are no winners here – the victims will live with their abuse and shame their entire lives – and the school? I think the penalties given to Penn State speak for themselves – their image, record, students and alumni, especially those who are innocent in this ‘deed and coverup’ will suffer for the dispicable behavior one person exhibited! My thanks to the NCAA for their stand on this and doing the right thing.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak – I pray this tragedy will not be forgotten.
I am not Paterno. I would rather Christians think I am stupid, or meddling, or a heathen than have God think me a coward. I will speak up when I see abuse. Of a child, a spouse, or a group of people.
After all, “Love always protects” (1 Corinthians 13:7) and “There is no fear in love.” (1 John 4:18).
I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways abuse, oppression, and power work over the past year, especially since I’ve been hosting the women in ministry series. I think you’re on to something the legacy protection issue, but there’s also this mentality where accusers are guilty of making up stories until proven true. And in many of these cases, the accusers have nothing to gain by leveling their allegations and the perpetrators have everything to lose by denying them. And perhaps the root behind all of that is we like tidy, clean, simple narratives that don’t rock the boat or place any responsibility on ourselves. Because if one of our own leaders is actually doing something horrible, then we have to confront that person. It’s some odd combination of living in fairy tale land, blaming victims, and being lazy.
I’ve been shocked at some of the reactionary messages I get from men who feel threatened by the women in ministry series. As if women telling their ministry stories will somehow blow up the church or something… I wonder if the deeper issue is that the presence of injustice in the church means having to change things–lots of things–and they simply can’t bring themselves to face that. It feels easier to just attack.
elizabeth, thank you for continuing this conversation. we are to be a people of grace, yes, and radical, healing reconciliation, but that will never be achieved through silencing or on the backs of the weak or hurting. christians tend towards error on either the side of “truth” or “love,” but Christ is ever found at the intersection.
If punishment against Penn State let’s be fair and consistent, let’s put sanctions against The Catholic Church then. What’s fair is fair. Francis Bernard Law, covered up 100′s of cases of child abuse, was forced to resign, sent to Europe, never faced charges and was given a promotion by Pope John Paul, how is he any better then Joe Paterno…….Rather worse. If we crucify Penn State it’s time holding all organizations accountable and in crimes such as these no one organization is better. Here is some facts and was in a national paper: Within days of Jerry Sandusky’s conviction, a Philadelphia jury convicted the first U.S. Catholic church official, Monsignor William Lynn, for endangering children by failing to protect them from known abusers.
That trial brought back into the headlines the horrifying statistics of a decade of such failures.
More than 6,100 accused priests since 1950.
More than 16,000 victims — that we know of, as there is no national database.
And $2.5 billion in settlements and therapy bills for victims, attorneys fees and costs to care for priests pulled out of ministry from 2004 to 2011.
Jerry Sandusky’s victims are fewer in number, for a shorter period. But SNAP’s larger point seems to be that society ignores abuse — particularly if committed by someone trusted and important like a priest or a coach — at the peril of its youth. Yet we crucify Penn State and where are the sanctions on the church? That’s the question we all need to ask ourselves.
This is on such a more grand scale then Penn State yet we turn a blind eye because it involves the church and that is not right. Yet so many Christians shout out that this is the right decision against PSU and I will not support that organization yet those same people do each Sunday and weather they want to believe it or not a portion of that 2.5 billion is coming out what they put into collection plates each and every week, that is hypocrisy at its finest.
Well said.
My friend was raped by a fellow church member, and she was silenced and driven out of the church while the rapist was protected.
I attempted to get truth out of church leaders and saw clearly that even though they may have believed the rape happened, preserving unity within their congregation was more important.
My husband and I couldn’t stay and bring our daughters up in that church. I still wish that I could call them out, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do when it comes to God’s annointed… And my friend suffers with the memory, pain, rejection daily. I wish I knew how
to stand up for her without fear.
Nathan did it to David, didn’t he?
You mean as in Nathan rebuking David? Yes… I think I need to more prayerfully consider how to go about that. Thank you.
I’m sorry, I should have elaborated on my comment. I don’t know if its safe or advisable for you to confront these people, you know that better than I ever would. What I did want to point out is that leaders in the church are given protection from accountability that they don’t deserve.
I’m glad that you left that church, and that your friend knows that you believe her.
I am glad you keep speaking out, EE. I wouldn’t have known about the Pearls’ horrific message otherwise. And now I cannot be silent either. It sickens me how easily the least of these have been cast to the side when positions of power are at stake. No more.
I will not be silent, either, Elizabeth. May we all rally together to say grace and healing come only after brokenness is admitted . . . may we stand on the side of the victim, always.
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
― Fred Rogers
thanks for making me think about this a ton today. My instinct is that if Mister Rogers agrees with you, you’re probably right.
*standing ovation*
Thank you, EE.
Oh, lady . . . I do SO love when you use your words.
Love,
E
Thank you, thank you.
I hope that more will be written on this topic…and also on abuse in Christian marriage, as has been touched upon here. It is ignored, hidden, sanctioned, and more prevalent than we are comfortable admitting. I was in an abusive marriage for 25 years. My children and I suffered horrible consequences as a result of me following the church’s counsel to stay. Thank God for finally giving me the clarity and the strength to not care what others thought and leave. We are all trying to heal and move on with our lives after many tragic years of loss.
Through it all, the church was nowhere to be found.
Through it all, Jesus was there with open arms.
I know I am not the only one with this story.
I am not Joe Paterno. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assault who has decided I’m done being quiet. The church is often our biggest enemy. Full knowledge of abuse, but an unwillingness to recognize it and hold people accountable. Those who know and do nothing may be the greater sinner in my opinion. I will not be silent anymore.
Once one who has been “anointed by God” does not stand up for the weak, the small, the children, the helpless – and does not stand against the people who hurt these ones, then they are no longer anointed by God.
We must continue to speak up and speak out against those who find it important to hide behind their traditions instead of protecting the very ones who might continue those traditions.
Oftentimes our silence means we approve, because we do not use our words to proclaim we do not approve. We should never be silent about the things that matter to us.
I am a Christian, and I stand with you.
Catholic, in Philadelphia, and one of thousands of women and men who will not be silent. The Catholic curch…the church being us, its members, has risen up and declared we will mot tolerare abuse and cover up. We are accountable and hold the hierarchy accountable.
Yes yes yes.
the world needs brave folk like you.
I agree that we should not be silent in the face of abuse. However, regarding the incident with Rachel Evans, did you dig deeper into the context around that whole discussion? Although I’m an avid follower of this blog, I also happen to be closely connected to Douglas Wilson and I’ve been following the blog war; perhaps more research would be a good idea.
As a counselor who deals with the adult aftermath of damage done to children in the name of God, I stand firmly with you.