When I was little-little, I was given the gift of tongues. (Even the writing of that sentence, the saying of it out loud, sounds a little bizarre, a little other worldly and, let’s be honest, weird, doesn’t it?) My family was new to this world of church, this brother-ing and sister-ing, these tambourines and simple choruses. On Friday nights, our little church of misfits would meet at the Regina Leisure Centre to play floor hockey after Bible study. A middle-aged lady taught our class and she spoke easily of a special prayer language, a gift from heaven, for us. I don’t really remember much of what she said now but I remember the weight of her warm hand on my small head, her quiet voice praying so only I could hear, asking Jesus for “a special language that is just between her own heart and you, Jesus.” I trusted her, I loved my Jesus and at that moment, my childish voice began in a whisper and it sounded odd but somehow homey to my heart, this murmuring language rolling against the back of my front teeth, and I felt joy, joy, joy, down in my heart.
Since that day, I’ve wrestled with the gift of tongues both as the outsider and as the insider.
Later, I was shocked to find out that it was seen as a fringe aspect of Christianity. In fact, most people were convinced it was not to be messed around with, a slippery slope to emotionalism and freaky Jesus stuff. Not only did hardly anyone speak in tongues but many Christians thought it was fake, manipulative. It was wrong to pursue it, to want it. People made fun of it, babbling “Shundai-shundai-shoulda-bought-a-Hynundai” and I would laugh nervously along. And most were certain that it didn’t even exist anymore, scaring me a bit with the thump of a closed door-Bible. No more tongues, they told me, it simply isn’t for today. So then I wondered if they were right – was I emotionally manipulated that day? Am I just faking it? Is it really necessary to me and what does it mean? How does this work in public or in private? I felt ostracized, like I had to keep this gift quiet and hidden. No one must know because they’ll think I’m a crazy person, of course. And so I kept it quiet, hidden.
Sure, I’m a Christian but a nice, safe, non-crazy one. Quietly, I was always praying in tongues behind their backs even as I wondered about what the heck I was doing.
Then, as an insider to this gift, I cringed at loud prayer meetings with people hollering consonants and vowels wildly, never a thought of order or interpretations. The hours of sweaty church services with “speaking in tongues” as part of the circus that included falling out, wild laughter and my own deep sense of discomfort. When people preached about it or talked about it, they acted like we had it figured out and every one else was somehow less spiritual than us. We separated the work of the Spirit, acting like sure, maybe you were saved but then there was this “second baptism” and that was how you knew who was in and who was out. We attached the label “spirit-filled” to ourselves, implying that we owned the Holy Spirit and the rest of you, well, you weren’t living in the fullness like us. It confused me because I knew that the work of the Spirit is never one of division and pride. And I saw the hurt of friends who believed and yet were never given the gift of tongues themselves, made to feel like they lacked faith. I also knew that the work and fruit of the Spirit was growing and thriving oftentimes more obviously in the lives of those we deemed “not-spirit-filled.” Some of the best, most joyful, most faithful Christians I knew did not speak in tongues. So clearly, we were wrong a lot of the time. And we hurt a lot of people with our exclusivity, too.
Nice Christians don’t deal in the mystics too much anymore and even the hint of an ecstasy is enough to make most of us nervous. It’s weird or its wrong or its the worst version of a spiritual abuse or maybe it scares us because we just don’t understand.
Part of my own journey has been to admit this: I am a bit of a mystic and I speak easily in tongues. In fact, it has been my first language when words fail which, in this life, happens often. While I laboured in our home to give birth to another tiny-barely-there-baby that we would not hold in this life, my burning tears were tasted by a mouth that only spoke tongues for those long hours, my heart somehow in a groaning along with my body, for the joining of grief and worship and trust. And then when I laboured to bring the tinies we do hold earthside, again, in the ecstasy, it was my gift, the baptism of motherhood and pain somehow coming alongside in a hallelujah and I knew that every word I whispered was an “oh, thank you” in every language of the world. And somehow it wends its way into my most joyful moments, my quiet and contemplative ones, my questions and my wonderings, my anger and my sadness. Tongues is where I turn when my heart is wrung out by injustice and evil and suffering. Sometimes I have an active interpretation, sometimes it leads me to Scripture and other times, it’s just a gift, syllables of peace for the saving of my own soul. Rarely a day goes by that I am not drawn to the practice of this gift.
So, friends, can you hear my heart? I am sorry for the hurting, I am sorry for the abuses, I am sorry for the implied exclusivity and for the bad theology and the even-worse subculture of tongues. That is not the work of the Spirit. I don’t know much – I’m no theologian, just a wife and a mama wildly in love with Jesus, wrestling out what that means and missing it sometimes by a mile.
And I know one thing for sure – the work of the believer is to speak first the life of the Spirit, apples of gold and wisdom, dripping silver and emeralds of life, that fill us with peace, love, joy, goodness, self-control, kindness, faithfulness and gentleness. Because, “if I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing….But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” Against such things, even the most stout cessationist or wild charismatic knows, there is no law so let Love be my first language, my mother tongue whether its communicated in English or a thousand tongues for only angels to hear.
{ 127 comments… read them below or add one }
Pretty cool article. I, too, am baptized in the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues. It’s been a journey. When I pray in tongues now, I ask for the interpretation. The Holy Spirit says it is asking for Peace. We would truly be surprised to know that there are so many many folks who do pray and speak in the gift of tongues. Praying for ourself, praying for other people and causes. Worshiping the one true God and our Savior Jesus. Inspiring article.
It’s funny how “underground” so many of us are now, isn’t it? And yes and Amen to the Spirit’s call for peace.
I too have this gift and stopped using it years ago when it was condemned and frowned upon by some, and not at all ‘acceptable’ in my church home…. This has prompted ne to pray about it, to pray using it….. Thank you for this. Bless you!
I tried to stop for a while, too, Kris, but more as a reaction against the abuses I saw of it. I didn’t want to be “one of those Christians” that was all crazy and stuff. But the truth of the Spirit’s gifts are given without repentance and so I’m back, embracing the crazy. Blessings, sister.
I’ve experienced both extremes you describe — those who insist God doesn’t work a certain way, and those who go crazy and heap piles of guilt on those who don’t go crazy with them. All of it is ugly and hateful towards others and I have always sensed that God wasn’t in either of those extremes. I love what you say here.
Thank you, Joy – that’s exactly what I wanted when I sat down to write and so I thank God that you heard the whispers here.
How beautiful, Sarah. I loved that. I was once part of a small prayer group that met every Friday night to pray together – meaning that we were all in the same room while we prayed. There were those who spoke in tongues and then there was me. I was alone most of the time in not speaking tongues. Almost everyone there was okay with that. They were just so pleased that I came to pray. There was one who was not okay with it and he was going to push and push until I became “baptized in the Spirit” and spoke in tongues. The group told him to lay off, but he wouldn’t. They showed him the scriptures that said, “some might have this gift, some might have another gift, etc” but he was not satisfied. I prayed about it myself to make sure I wasn’t missing something. More and more God directed me to scriptures that talked about silence, which I eventually took to mean that my tongue would not be given a special prayer language. I had not been brought up in a Charismatic church, so I had never expected to get that gift. But I wanted to make sure with the Creator that we were on the same page. And I think there are reasons He gave me different gifts. The man who pushed so hard eventually left our group for other reasons. I continued to pray in English. I was greatly encouraged by my friends who prayed in tongues just because they were praying. Although the preachers and teachers of my youth taught against tongues, I have come to appreciate it. I am no longer uncomfortable when I hear something that doesn’t “make sense” to me. And I am comforted deep in my heart when I get to interact with people like you, who understand the “middle ground” for lack of a better term. You can pray in tongues for me anytime!
What a beautiful story, Carolyn – it encourages me greatly. And yes, the gift of silence and waiting is a tremendous gift, as well – one I need to practice more often, to be truthful.
Sarah Bessey,
You said it. Beautifully. Wonderfully. Magically. Amen.
I have never prayed in tongues – even after countless people praying for me back in my “charismatic” YWAM days – and I always wondered why this gift wasn’t for me . . .? Until Triune-God taught me my own “wordless” prayer language. I pray with my body. And I imagine if people were so see me doing this, it would look/sound no less strange then the uttering of angel-speak.
My mystic heart has to wonder about the myriad of other languages the Spirit has taught people pray to God with.
Love,
Erika
Ah, YWAM. We should talk sometime- we might know a few people. I always joke that evangelicals can play 6 degrees of separation in about 2 degrees or less. But anyway, back to the truth of your words, praying with one’s body is something that truly inspires me. My eldest daughter dances and sings songs of praise naturally and I am just fascinated to see it, it blesses me mightily.
Oooooh, ooooooh! That sounds fun! I’ll send you an email! I have one good guess already!
Erika
Well in the creepy small world of separation….it did just throw me off seeing you two talk. Cause I am brought here to this site via the lovely Erika…. and my dear friend Paige Allen…who I know is a friend of Sarah’s. Soooo it’s like a little parallel universe or something watching ya’ll connect.
@Sarah- FANTASTIC article and SO glad you wrote it! I’ve had similar experiences growing up. And how sad, that as I saw the subject, I automatically assumed it would be a story of surviving the abuse of it…but LOVED when I saw you instead came out of the closet as a bit of a mystic. I am so thankful you wrote about your beautiful journey.
Any friend of Paige’s (whom I adore) is a friend of mine. And thank you!
Erika, Just wanted to tell you that 2 of my daughters have done YWAM dts …. interesting…
Hello Dear Julie!
That is interesting! We are probably closer to each other then we know . . .
Where did your daughters go? You can email me if you would prefer. 
Love,
Erika
Erika, I couldn’t find your email address but tried…
My oldest daughter went to England (Holmsted) and then Poland. My 2nd born and her husband were on a travel dts throughout Europe. Their base was at Hernhutt Germany. They had their lecture phase all over Europe and then their outreach was in India. They hope to return to Hernhutt to staff. Where did you go? You can email me at godsprincess1980@gmail.com
Blessings, dear one!!
Julie
You speak in the words of love. Wonderful!
Wow, so much of this I could have written. Well, you said it so much better but my thoughts are right there with you. Thanks for being brave and posting it.
It can feel a bit like “coming out” of my prayer closet so thank you for your graceful receiving.
Sarah,
You always seem to capture the complexity of humanity very well. You are at your best when exploring the nuanced dichotomies of uncertainty and utter-certainty. It’s a gift, I think. Glad I read this.
Thank you, Seth – those aren’t light words from you and I receive them as a gift. Merci.
Oh, Sarah… this beauty and truth. You capture it perfectly.
I knew you’d be here, Ash, because you, too and me, too and all that, eh?
Once again, my sweet Sarah, I could swear we were at the same church some point in our lives.
I too came from that background – swayed to the right when I felt condemned – and have come back to my prayer language. It’s a sweet, saving grace in moments when human words can’t even begin to tell God what my heart is crying out.
Thank you.
I wish we lived closer. I would so sit with you for hours talking about all of this! xxx
Me, too – maybe someday!
Thanks for expressing what I feel.
I love hearing your heart in this. My childhood church abused this gift, so I have a hard time separating the good from the bad. I remember praying for the gift as a child because of the implication that I would then be a True Christian. I’ve never been certain whether I made those words up or whether it was the Spirit speaking through me. I only knew I wanted to fit in, even at such a young age. My nondenom churches generally don’t speak in tongues and so I haven’t had to deal with it since then. Your words are healing. Thank you, Sarah!
Thank you, Leigh – that means a lot to me. There are a lot of my friends from that era that do admit that they “faked” it to fit in and are i a similar spot now, wondering what that means about the gift itself (instead of just the manipulation they experienced). I odn’t have answers for that but like you said, may the Spirit bring healing.
Leigh, I am in the same boat as you. I still don’t know whether it’s “real” or if I just made it up so I wouldn’t be singled out. Sarah, thank you for being brave and posting this. It has been on my mind lately. I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was real the day my dad died, when I was left alone with my siblings in a strange state, with strangers, the oldest at only 11, while the paramedics whisked he and my mom away in an ambulance. That day it just came pouring out.
Oh, Molly. No words. Thank you.
sarah, this made me weep. you write with such truth and grace.
as a child, the only person i knew who spoke in tongues had a religious imagination that was amplified by manic episodes. anything charismatic frightened me because it meant that she was teetering on the edge of mental unrest.
in college i got to know people in other charismatic faith communities and saw something i could only recognize as the Holy Spirit’s moving. who is anyone to decide that the day of any spiritual gifting is over? i cannot understand how bible-believing christians can deny the gift (or the need for an interpreter in a corporate worship setting that it might edify the Body.)
love is indeed the most excellent way. so glad you shared this lovely piece.
Oh, Suzannah – my heart just broke on this. I can hardly read novels that have a mentally ill person that struggles within the context of Scripture as a weapon because it breaks my heart too much. It wounds the one suffering and those that love them, too. It makes me want to gather us all for something, I don’t know what, maybe a meal and some praying and some talking and crying. I love you and I am thankful for your tears and open heart.
Thanks for this gracious exploration of this topic that can cause divisions from both sides. You really boiled it down to the heart of the matter. I don’t have that gift, but I’m married to someone who has it. In the past I felt like a sub-Christian since I don’t have it, but the gracious words of folks like you have been a tremendous help.
I always knew I liked Julie…
You have given me a new perspective on this gift. I grew up in a church who believes you should stay away, they believe in sanctification of the Holy Spirit but not the tongue talking. I have been attending another church that is “spirit filled” and i have always felt that many people there have that same attitude… “maybe you were saved but then there was this “second baptism” and that was how you knew who was in and who was out.” And I have never been comfortable with that. Like you I too have hidden this gift esp. from some people I love. But I thank you, I thank God for you, that I was able to read your thoughts and it has given me a knew perspective and I don’t have to feel like I am doing something wrong or exclusive anymore.
It can feel a bit like “coming out” of our prayer closet, eh? Blessings!
“The work of the Spirit is never one of division and pride.” ~ so wonderfully put. When will we all learn that it’s not ‘gifts or fruit of the Spirit’, but gifts AND fruit of the Spirit? I so appreciate how you connected this simple and private gift with the everyday moments of life, as well as the times when we a swamped in confusion and pain. The Spirit of God is as vast as creation, and as close as our tongue.
I love your last sentence there, Ray, because AMEN.
my heart is shouting a resounding YES to every word you wrote. thank you for speaking such truth and wisdom with love and clarity.
beautiful, Sarah. just beautiful.
Thank you, Alece. xo
How beautifully and poignantly you discussed this subject matter, Sarah. I can echo all of your sentiments, along with the ones articulated in the comments. It is so rare to read something as refreshingly honest and vulnerable as your piece, especially in an age where churches and Christians are either ostracizing or completely mum about the issue.
–JM
http://femmefuel.com/
Sarah,
So well said. I appreciate every word, every story, every encounter. There is a place of grace and love in this. You have shared from a heart which dwells there. This is so very helpful. Thank you.
Well written Sarah. I can say me too to the gift of tongues and me too to the struggle behind it. My childhood church also called it “being filled with the Spirit”. And while I believe that it enhances my walk with Jesus, He has also used a very close friend of mine who does not speak in tongues and who does not even believe in it to show me that one doesn’t have to have the gift of tongues to be full of the Spirit. It has been a joy to me to watch my Church of Christ friend hear from the Spirit without having the gift.
Love you, thanks for putting words to it all.
Yes, it is a joy, isn’t it? To realise God is much bigger than we or any one else realised. God is present.
Lovely. I especially like the mystic connection. I was bludgeoned with the “baptism of the Spirit” over and over again for 2 years at a Pentecostal Bible College. There was very little mystery there–just a lot of self assurance. It is so hard to try and live in the tension, but right now I am trying to err on the side of seeing the Spirit at work in every thing, in every one. Who am I to limit that?
Amen.
This is probably the most insightful and beautiful piece i have ever seen or heard on tongues. Thank you for sharing something so personal in such a real way. It’s one of those areas that is so laden with extremes and sterotypes. I’ve think I’ve just avoided thinking too much about it but I love your perspective as always, I needed to have my eyes opened a little.
Oh, Jenn – love you, friend.
Thank you for saying what everyone is thinking! I attended a Pentacostal church for a short time and there were a couple of people who spoke in tongues on occasion. The first time, I’m not gonna lie, it freaked me out. But the minister was able to assure us it was normal but also let us know that we weren’t any less saved than they were. I’m glad you are able to embrace your gift now.
Yeah, it can be a bit otherworldly for sure. I remember the first time we walked into my childhood church, we nearly walked right back out because people were waving their hands in the air! Weird! Now it all feels so normal but I try not to forget how it may feel or look to everyone else. Thankful for good ministers of grace!
Your heart is so beautiful, Sarah. When I read your words, here and on your blog, I see radiance and light and I want to thank you for being true to the Spirit and to love.
As one of those who received a “second baptism” but not the gift of tongues with it, I always felt doubt about it. Just a few short months ago, when I finally put to rest some issues surrounding my father’s death, and then at a special service at church we prayed for a man that has been like a father to us (my husband and I) and some walls came down, the gift of tongues finally flowed freely – some 15 years after having been prayed over to receive it as a gift.
I’m still so cautious with it – but I do love the peace and the flow of the Spirit when I do use it.
Your post here is an encouragement to continue using it with love and in love.
I’m a bit cautious when I practice it in front of others, I want to make sure it’s not motivated by anything but the Spirit’s leading, too. But in private? Oh, me and Jesus have a time. Ha!
So, this was really nice to read. I, too, first experienced tongues as a child, and I know that many would say it was a manipulation. However, despite my intellectual mind, I know what happened. It happened without any adult interference as I was praying at the altar during a church camp. It was real, and in that first introduction to tongues I felt closer to God than I ever had before. I don’t talk about it often, but I do speak in tongues – not all the time, but there are times when that is all there is to do. Thank you for a great article and for your honesty about a tough topic these days.
I know what you mean, Lori – when you know, you know. And you know when you’re faking and you know when it’s God-breathed. Thank you.
Thank. You.
Thank you for being willing to talk about something that so many people shrink from. It’s hard to believe that a gift from God can be so divisive, but it is. I’ve had people tell me that everyone who speaks in tongues are making it up for attention, and others think it is completely inappropriate. But how can anything from God be inappropriate? Sigh.
Thanks again, Sarah.
Great questions – Jennifer, how could anything from God be inappropriate? But I suppose that’s the argument for a lot of things. I wonder how much of us would react to David dancing naked before the Lord these days?
A dear friend recently sent me a link to your blog and I love it so. So many of the things you are courageous enough to say out loud are things I am almost ready to talk about (outside my intimate circle.) I feel so encouraged by the way you seem to be growing to own every part of your spiritual self and journey without letting the fear of reprisal paralyze you. I currently work for a church that, of course, has it’s own doctrinal statement and limits of what and who are in and out, and I find that I am feeling increasing pressure to live a dual life or live in the closet. It makes me wonder if it’s possible for me to work for a church and truly be willing to follow Jesus, wherever He leads me. Anyway, as Jesus and I are working this out, I am grateful to have your blog and find that your courage inspires me with courage as well. And, since I also speak in tongues and no longer have all the answers, I also feel less alone. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Alicia – I love how God brings us people, even from afar, to walk together.
You have said things I have wanted to say but didn’t know how. Thank you!
I keep coming back to this post again and again today, not sure of my own feelings or how to respond but drawn by the beautiful way you’ve presented this subject. I grew up as a pastor’s kid in a very charismatic church, and the result of it was that I learned the tricks. The way the visiting evangelist would push just the right spot on a person’s forehead to help them be “slain in the Spirit.” The way mass hysteria would grow once one person started shrieking with laughter. The way we had to carefully articulate gibberish so the spiritual heavyweights wouldn’t realize we were faking the gift of tongues.
As a result, I am very cynical about organized church and charismatic experiences… but I love that you had the courage to write about your own personal journey despite crusted-over readers like me (::grin::), and it’s incredibly touching. I also loved Erika’s comment about her wordless prayer language and the idea that we communicate the unutterable with God in different ways. For me, I think it must be the silent squeezing of my heart during music or story or art… and you’re right, no matter what form this prayer-love language takes, it is a gift.
Bethany, I loved what you wrote. I love the fact that it is the silent squeezing of your heart during music or story or art… I love it because I followed all the religious mandates for a very long time and then God set me free to just be…. with…. Him…. I am more aware of Him in my wordless days than I was on the days FILLED with religious words… Thank you for your sweet heart shared!
I know just what you mean – especially about the whole “pushing” thing. GAH! I hate that. And you’re right – your heart knows. Blessings, sister.
Beautiful. Just that. Especially the last three paragraphs.
Beautifully written Sarah. Thank you.
it’s hard to explain exactly why this post moved me so much…so many memories. all i really can think of is it’s beautiful. thank you, sarah.
YES.
Hi, Sarah I’m new to this site (found my way via Bolivia!). I’m Canadian, prairie-raised, and currently prairie-based. I love this post. You’ve given me an insight and understanding of the gift of tongues I’ve never had before.
I’m as ‘outsider as you can get not having grown up, nor now practicing, in a ‘baptised in the Holy Spirit’ sort of church. I grew up believing in ‘gifts (plural) and fruit of the spirit’ and any exposure I’ve had to the gift of tongues has has weighed quite heavily on the abuses side of such gifts. I also realized that the work and fruit of the Spirit was growing and thriving oftentimes more obviously in the lives of those deemed “not-spirit-filled’ (and I’ve drawn great comfort from that) yet I’ve always been attracted to the mystics of the church, and often ponder the more charismatic gifts of the spirit.
Something that struck me was the juxtaposition of the last three entries (was it intentional, I wonder): ‘Shut.Up.’ ‘Awkward Bedtime Prayers’ ‘Tongue Talker’. I was actually startled when I realized they were not written by the same person because together they seem to illustrate for me the journey deeper into the mystery of God dwelling within us… stages I continually spiral through as I journey inward.
What resonated most deeply for me here is your desire to grow in authenticity. These days, more often than not I feel as though I am struggling to give birth to myself… I struggle to give voice or expression to the deepest groanings of my heart and soul (I’m fearful, awkward, frustrated, and filled with more joy than I could even imagine). Like another commenter, I’m learning to honour the mystical gift of silence in my life… and to deeply rejoice that God doesn’t need to hear me to know the deepest expressions of my being. I’m learning to celebrate all the gifts of the church – mystic, charismatic and pragmatic – and in the silence between, I am finding my voice.
I’ve never before felt or been blessed to be in the presence of a tongue talker, yet today, from 1571 kms away, I’ve been richly and deeply blessed… heart heard, loud and clearly loving. Thank you!
Well, great to meet another Canadian! thank you so much for your comment, it really blessed me. And no, we didn’t plan our topics. We just write what is on our hearts to write but it seems like there was a bigger plan going on here, perhaps, indeed. And I need to learn to honour the gift of silence more i my own life, too. I really resonate with what you shared here. Thank you.
Exciting article. I’m a praxis raised Canadian too! Manitoba. Living in the US.
Oh my! Lovely post and lovely responses! I wish we could all get together and have coffee together! Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
I would love to have hours to just chat with you all.
The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I am drawn to the truth of doing no damage to others in the name of Jesus. Sarah, your posts are like guideposts along my walk, that way. Thank you for your tremendous, courageous honesty!
That would be absolutely brilliant. I vote for a Deeper Story conference or get together!
Thank you for this! I, too, have struggled similarly with my gift. This is a subject which needs to be spoken of!
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thankyou so much for expressing what my heart feels and has felt. I could not find the words to express this joyous and wonderful feeling of knowledge and love.
oh, you beautiful you….
you have deepened your own portrait through this tender post, and especially through these words: While I laboured in our home to give birth to another tiny-barely-there-baby that we would not hold in this life, my burning tears were tasted by a mouth that only spoke tongues for those long hours, my heart somehow in a groaning along with my body, for the joining of grief and worship and trust. And then when I laboured to bring the tinies we do hold earthside, again, in the ecstasy, it was my gift, the baptism of motherhood and pain somehow coming alongside in a hallelujah and I knew that every word I whispered was an “oh, thank you” in every language of the world.
*tears*
personally, i always stood outside, hungering. this glossolalia… if it doesn’t happen to me, am i not special and beloved? i used to wonder. i’ve seen the scary extremes (both directions) but love knowing that this is part of your life. <3
Love you, friend. Your tender heart always blesses me.
Hi Sarah– Like others who commented before me, I am so…impressed (is that the right word?) that you had the boldness to tackle this topic. I agree that it is so often either taboo or TOO MUCH, and I appreciate your honesty in bringing it to the light of the blogsphere.
Thanks for sharing–
Warmly,
Stephanie from Make Home Make Sense
I grew up Baptist and had never even heard of speaking in tongues until college. Even when I heard of it, I didn’t really understand it until I met my boyfriend, who was raised in a charismatic church and had always been expected to speak in tongues. It’s so great to be learning about a whole new side of the Christianity that I’ve never experienced! I’ve always been drawn to mysticism so I find it neat!
Very cool.
“Let love be my first language…”
So good, the whole thing, yep.
My church used to be a lot more pentecostal than it is now- I remember the first time I ever attended a prayer meeting and how for some reason, I wasn’t freaked out about all of the weird babbling that went on. To this day, my “baptism in the Spirit” was one of my realest experiences in faith, but things change. We don’t teach much of that anymore and it truly is seen as weird. I have a huge problem with the people being “in” having their own prayer language and those who don’t being outta luck… but I’ve seen plenty of it. Also, I think good teaching needs to follow something as spiritual as speaking in tongues… but in my experience, it seems to be lacking. Thanks for the honesty, I loved it!
I agree, Jake – good teaching is pretty lacking on the subject. And I haven’t studied it enough to have anything too helpful to offer on it. Just enough to make me dangerous.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your thoughtful approach to these gifts.
I grew up in a Baptist tradition that was very dispensational. I’ve had visions on a few occasions though. It took me a bit the first couple of times to work through what I believed when my church didn’t. Fortunately, God is not constrained by our beliefs.
Amen, Michael.
Yes, I heard all those things… and I often felt like I was missing out on something. I remember times of prayer where the elders surrounded me and asked God to come anoint me with the gift of tongues… Nope, nothing… nada.. Or the time where I begged and pleaded for God to give it to me.. Nope, nothing… nada… Then there was the time my friend and her whole family started speaking in tongues after being coached. She was told to say the same syllable over and over and eventually she would start speaking in tongues. She did…. After hearing about it I went into the bathroom and started saying a syllable… over and over and over… tried it more than once… Nope, nothing…nada…. I struggled with it all until one day God spoke to me. “Don’t get focused on having a gift, just enjoy me.” “Know that if you need any gift at any time I will give it to you.” I laid it to rest once and for all….
A few years later I heard a teaching on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit… honestly it just incited me. It was like there was this “separatism” about it all. I got out my Bible and started searching for Baptisms of the Holy Spirit. I wanted to see where Jesus had told me about it. After my search and my chatting with God I realized that what I had believed was true. I had been filled to the fullness with the Holy Spirit …. I had received ALL of Christ. After all it says “I no longer live but Christ lives in me.” How could Christ in me be lacking anything? How could I not have the fullness when I am told I am a joint heir with Christ. I received all …. What I realized that I had lived for years unaware of this Spirit inside me… I had been too focused on the religious mandates towards holiness and godliness… things I was made when Christ came to dwell in me. It opened my world up….. Thank you for your sweet heart-felt post. It was truly beautiful…
That is true wisdom, Julie (as always, from you!) – seek God, not the gift. There is no lack in Christ, we have received all. What freedom!
Thank you, my dear Sarah… it truly was an epiphany for me that settled my soul! Bless you!!!
It was explained to me that there was a private “prayer” language that some had between them and God and then there were those who felt moved to speak in tongues during worship. However, if someone wanted to speak in tongues in worship, they had to have an interpreter and it had to be orderly.
This is going to sound odd, but I just cry when I can’t find words – happy or sad. Most of my prayers are just crying.
On the contrary, dear Amber, your tears are far from odd – I believe that tears, too, are a gift of the Holy Spirit, very closely akin to tongues, actually – they can signal grief or joy, fullness or emptiness, needs unmet or met. And they are part of God’s rich healing gifts, too – carrying away toxic stuff when they’re real tears and not manipulated by onion-dicing or windy days. Tears express what words cannot – much like speaking in a tongue different from any we know.
I used to argue with a college friend about tongues – she believed they were the only true sign of faith, I did not. We worked through that, but I carried a bit of prejudice around with for many years. Then I met a woman whose deep spirituality was such a testimony of grace in my life – and she prayed in tongues. Not in public, but in private and in small group prayer gatherings. And I loved it. I heard it for what it is – a gift, a soothing, worshipful way to lift hearts to God. Then, just this year, I joined a training program for spiritual direction run by charismatic Catholics. Oh, my. I have been so blessed by the deep faith, thoughtful theology and miraculous worship of these new friends. Singing in the Spirit in their midst is the closest to heaven I’ve just about ever been, this side of eternity. I sing in English – they sing in tongues unknown. In no way is this manipulative or forced, but natural and radiant. My director, who is abbott of this small community and a leading light in the charismatic renewal of the Catholic church for over 30 years, tells those desirous of this gift to walk down to a creek, sit by the side of it and begin to pray to God in words that sound like the music the water makes. Is that not a perfect description of a natural love language? I know it can be divisive; I know it can be faked. But when it’s used judiciously, humbly and gratefully – it’s a beautiful gift of God to the church. Thank you so much, Sarah, for these lovely, lovely words. Just gorgeous.
Such wisdom, Diana – I always look forward to your comments.
I can’t add anything to Diana’s comment below – just lovely and true. And thank you, Amber.
Oh my… I so wish I could sit across a cup of tea from you and talk about this. I come from a very conservative background, the “those gifts have ceased” and met the Holy Spirit through a very different church here in my Canadian prairie hometown during university. One of the hardest and most confusing wrestles of those years for me was the gift of tongues. These days, even though I’ve experienced it in moments (it doesn’t seem to stay yet for me), it remains confusing, but beautiful and rich and somewhere in the midst of that, I’ve reached some of the same conclusions you’ve written about – that there is beauty away from the excesses of either extreme – away from the manipulation, and away from the school that claims tongues can’t exist in a Godly way. There is a weird, rich beauty in that place where God’s Spirit meets with my heart in prayer…
In any case, I’m so thankful you shared this part of your story… It reached the deep questions and prayers of my own heart tonight. Thanks!
Thank you, Lisa. I know its hard to feel connected on the Internet, but it’s nice to “meet” you and maybe someday, who knows?, we’ll get a cuppa tea. And nice to meet another Canadian, too!
I love you. In every language.
Merci beaucoup, ma petite chou.
Yes. That. So true. I have been in both situations… loving Jesus and praying in the Spirit, and also in a public setting where it seems to be chaos. God is not the God of chaos but of love and order. The baptism is for today just as it was for 2000 years ago, however awfully that gift has been abused our touted as the standard by which one’s faith is to be judged. I have also known some very Spirit-filled Christians who did NOT have the gift of tongues. Does this make God’s anointing less? By no means. Some are given the gift of tongues. Others receive other gifts. I am so thankful for mine.
Very good points here, Dawn – thank you!
I loved reading this. It helps me understand the gift so much more. I wasn’t raised in a Charismatic tradition and so speaking in tongues is pretty foreign to me. My mom has attended a church for years that does believe in the gift of tongues so she and I have discussed it, even though I’m not very comfortable attending services there. Your experience sounds very much what I’ve been told about speaking in tongues by a friend of my mother’s – a private prayer language. My husband and I had a great conversation about all of it tonight, so thank you for writing this and sharing this part of you.
That’s great, Sam – I love to think of people talking about it, wrestling with it. Mainly so I don’t feel so alone! Ha!
Sarah–
I so enjoyed your piece about speaking in tongues. Having been reared in the mainstream Methodist church, the only place I had heard of ‘tongues’ was in the Bible during Pentecost, and when Paul exhorted us not to elevate ourselves as a result of this gift. I’ve always been o.k. with that. When I visited my sister about 15 years ago, she was attending a nondenominational church, and had begun to speak in tongues. I was o.k. with that, too. It wasn’t until she invited a friend over to meet me, and later I discovered her motive was to ‘encourage’ (no, force) me into speaking in tongues as well. I was miserable, sitting around her kitchen table as she admonished me, reminding we had been reared in the same church, with a limited focus on communing with the Holy Spirit, and so I couldn’t possibly have the depth of relationship she had with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I was ‘encouraged’ (no, guilted into) babbling, creating sounds with my mouth that I knew had no meaning, just to quiet my sister and her friend. I WAS MISERABLE, knowing what my mouth was emitting was fake!!! In expressing my disappointment with her about it later, she was very defensive (also offensive) in criticizing what she perceived as my shallow faith. Needless to say, I was ready to board the plane to come home, shallow faith and all! All this is to say I appreciate your perspective that tongues (and I have no doubt it’s real, and a ‘faith/God thing’) is personal, and a gift given to some, but not all, and that those of us who were gifted in different areas can, and do have a deep faith and relationship with God, our Father, Jesus, and God’s emissary, the Holy Spirit!!!
And why I chose you, a total stranger (and your reading audience) to vent, I don’t know, but I feel better. I think I must have a long festering hurt that your piece exposed. Thank you for your thoughtful journaling. I’ve become an avid follower of your posts!
Oh that does sound awful. I’m so sorry. And of course, you are always welcome to have a vent! Sometimes just naming it and writing it out, helps us to let it go. Blessings, friend, and thank you for your grace for me.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this topic. I’ve recently just begun praying in tongues…quitly here in the mornings when I meet Him for prayer. I’ve experienced the same feelings you have about it and have also heard the comments and wondered why all the division. Like you, i love having a way to pray when my heart just can’t tell my mind how to put what I’m feeling into words. It’s real and it’s powerful. Thank you Jesus for this gift.
Amen, Connie.
Being a fellow “tongue-talker” I can relate. I was fortunate enough to receive the gift of tongues in the context of the Vineyard, which I have found does not promote the “in vs. out” theology of tongues. I wish I prayed in tongues more than I do. I am really focusing on my prayer life right now so this is a piece of it that I am going to have to see if it develops more.
Yes, I have found Vineyard does a good job of explaining it/teaching it in a more balanced way.
Oh yes, when there are no words. Which happens so often, doesn’t it? Feeling the presence of Jesus so deeply, so tangibly. Being in His presence, being transformed.
It is all about Love – loving Him, loving people. The pursuit of those brings all the truth and faith and light we need. <3
Amen, Arianne – it is all about the person of Love.
Like so many other commenters, my experiences with tongues have been similar to yours. I was raised in a church where it was a normal part of church life, though not one forced on us. We were taught about it and many kids (myself included) received our prayer languages sitting in the hard blue chairs in the Sunday school classroom. It was a precious and personal thing.
Since then, I’ve visited churches that treated Charismatic Christians as heretics, and churches where there was shrieking in tongues on microphones and people knocking people down and calling it slaying in the Spirit (I mean literal pushing, not actual encounter-with-God being slain in the Spirit, which from what I’ve seen doesn’t require any physical contact at all), and everything in between. I’ve seen people sing beautiful songs in tongues, and others provide interpretations. I’ve been prayed over and have prayed over other people in tongues, trusting that the Holy Spirit knows far better than I how to meet our deepest needs, before and after and in between praying my heart for those people in my own words. When I visited Bulgaria a few years ago, I met a woman whose prayer language was English, though she couldn’t understand a word of it. I’ve been in a room with hundreds of people speaking to God quietly, individually, so many silken whispers rising in the air. And every day, in so many ways, I find peace and strength in having a place to go when my words fail me.
There’s a whole spectrum of ways that the use of tongues can be incredible and powerful, beautiful and intimate and a place of deep communion. And there are ways it can be abused, violated and violating. It’s one of the first parts of Christian faith to be held up to ridicule, by Christians and non-Christians, people who don’t understand or don’t seem to even try to understand.
Sometimes it’s felt like a secret society, where the members send little signals to one another in public and then privately admit and share experiences and find support. But the older I get, the more comfortable I feel about all of it, the more ready I am to acknowledge it to anyone who asks, and not to feel like it’s a line that divides me from other Christians. And I’ve found that not feeling the need to be defensive about it (which is really a posture of fear) has a way of minimizing a hostile response in others. To me, it comes back to learning not to be afraid of something that’s different, not fearing that if your experience isn’t just like mine, it makes my experience invalid–as if God made us to be cookie-cutters of each other. Our differences, our individual voices, are what make the body of Christ vibrant and alive and beautiful, and our willingness to love each other through our differences is what should set us apart.
just love love love this comment! could have written so much of it myself, heart-sister. <3
Somehow I knew you would. Heart-sister is right.
<3
I love this – thank you for writing this out for us all. Such goodness here.
This is off of your main topic, but what really stood out to me were your comments about your miscarriages. I just lost my first pregnancy 3 weeks ago, and everything you say in those few sentences speak to me in profound ways. Thank you for sharing your personal life through blogging.
My heart is with you, Jessica. It is a hard road.
Sarah ~ Loved the article! I remember having a such a heart and desire to know God as a young girl living in the tropics, in a place without churches. My family were not believers, but God knew my heart. He gave me the gift of tongues when I was about 11 years old. But because I knew nothing of Christianity or the Bible – I didn’t know what it was except that when I used this tongue, joy filled me and it made me feel strong. I used this language every time I was alone especially. When we came back to Canada, I distinctly remember telling God I didn’t need Him anymore. (Keep in mind this is coming from someone with no spiritual background in the real Christian faith.) I forgot about my gift of tongues … fast forward … and after a long, long many years at the age of 26, I came to a place in my life where I finally chose Jesus as Lord and Saviour (after He chose me first) and at the moment I surrendered to Him – right where I was sitting – the gift of tongues was imparted to me again. It is WAY more natural for me to pray in a tongue than in English – although I do use both – but there is something powerful in the use of the gift of tongues … prayers get answered, I am strengthened and joy-filled. Thanks for writing this, I really enjoyed it!!
Wow! What an amazing story!
“And I saw the hurt of friends who believed and yet were never given the gift of tongues themselves”
This would be me. I go to a very charasmatic church. I wasn’t raised in this church so to be honest, the speaking in tongues thing was very strange for me at first. However, God has really changed my mind and I’ve always been open to it. Yet, I have never received it. I’ve had those at church tell me that unless you speak in tongues, you were not truly saved or “one with God”. This has actually turned me off even more to the concept of speaking in tongues and even at times, to God Himself!
The emphasis they put on speaking in tongues copared to salvation makes me sad. For myself, I’ve just come to realization that I am no less in God’s eyes because of this and I’m willing for Him to work on me if needed.
I’m so sorry, Vanessa. That isn’t cool at all. You are right – God is enough and all and more than enough.
Thank you Sarah! Your reply means the world to be! ((hugs))
I was simply blown away by this post. It’s like you were inside of my heart reading the writings on the wall. Wow! Thank you for your candidness.
I am a new happy resident of Deeper Story.
We’re glad you’re here, Tammy. Pull up a comfy spot – we’re a great group!
Sarah, this was so beautiful. It’s what I have always felt in my heart, my own story in a way, but could never say it the way you have. Bravo!
Love you, friend.
I’m going to save this one…you make something made to be so complex, so simple and beautiful.
I get to hang out with her in person, people….boo ya:)
Sooz
Beautifully written, Sarah! I grew up thinking what you described-tongues were emotional and fake. Much has changed, I have learned so much about the fullness of God, and then pursued and prayed for the gift of tongues for months before receiving it. I have found that it is so essential when I don’t have words-when my whole body feels consumed by fear, my spirit can still meet with God and find peace. Thanks for writing so well and so honestly about this. Well done!
Forgive me for reading this only today, so many days after you wrote it.
I find it so sad, if this is a widespread belief, that “Nice Christians don’t deal too much in the mystics anymore” – the Scriptures are full of mystical experiences – and what about “Be still and know that I am God”? Being still and experiencing Him requires silence and meditation – both elements of the mystical experience.
I also find it sad that you write that you “admit” that you are “a bit of a mystic” – when so many individuals steeped in God throughout history were also experiencing God through mystical experience. To be honest, I don’t know how a person can experience God except through mystical experience. I am not talking about things like anything involving the occult – but rather, sensing God in everything, and going beyond the five senses of our bodies at times to experience Him.
As far as speaking in tongues, you are in good company, as the early Christians felt it was one of the gifts of the Spirit, and we all know what happened at Pentecost.
I support you completely in what I see as a blessing given to you by God – that you can sense Him through mystical experience. Perhaps you need to be with Christians who respect this in you, and understand mysticism.
wow. this makes me want to cry. i was given the gift of tongues too, and funny, how i feel i can’t talk about tongues in the church… thank you for giving the gift a voice, dear sarah. xo
I love this. I feel the same.