In the last few weeks, three people have mistaken me as Feminist. But here’s the rub: I’m not. Never have been, never said I was. Ashamedly, long ago, I used to go around bold and brazen in my annoyance and even hatred of Feminism. As a young whipper snapper, I had an early aversion to Feminism. What I thought Feminists were? White, whiny, weak, complainers, bitching about making a dollar less per hr. than white men. Boo freaking hoo. I repulsed of Feminists. This was pre-Jesus-in-my-heart. Also, I was a petulant, angry, little teen-ager.
Now, a lot of people assume I’m a Feminist and I can see why. I’m educated –at least half a Masters of Divinity under my belt, post-modern, outspoken about women’s rights & I worked in ministry for years as a leader, teacher, preacher (yes, over men) & an outspoken advocate of women. I’m in an Egalitarian marriage, etc.
~
But before I was annoyed at white women by the ripe age of 14, a lot of other things happened.
For one, I didn’t understand a women’s worth and had zero compassion for any white women except my own mom and the 2-3 girlfriends in my inner circle.
The most salient issue in my life to that point was learning to survive the racist white people in my life. I carried that burden daily. The bigger burden constantly on my mind was this: how were blacks in general going to survive white people? My five African-American brothers had been whittled down to four, while the numbers of my African-American male friends in prison continued to increase. I was 14 with the weight of urban Detroit on my shoulders.
I grew up in the segregated, red-lined, racially divided, Detroit of the 1980’s where I watched the crack houses dot every other street and where I witnessed blacks dying in every conceivable way while whites grew up safely…to be all they could be. Often wondering why God wouldn’t concern Himself with my people.
I was 9 years old the first time I remembered worrying if my white step brother was going to kill me. Literally, kill me. I am not exaggerating.
I was 10 years old when my white Church denied me baptism for being half black.
I was 11 years old when my African-American father went to prison for God only knows how many years of sexually abusing me.
I was 12 years old when two African-American male friends were shot & killed by white cops.
I was 13 when I realized I was helpless to alleviate the sufferings of African-Americans and when I was sure I would not make it out of Detroit alive.
In other words, Feminism? No thanks. I had bigger fish to fry.
~
It’s 2013 now. I no longer live in Detroit. I’m no longer a racist. I’m no longer a be-littler of Feminists. I’m a Jesus follower. I’m married to a white man. I love lots & lots of beloved white women in my life. I even managed to *gasp* embrace my own whiteness. (Something I assumed would never happen). I managed to make it out of Detroit alive, without 3 baby-Daddies & I even went ahead & got myself an edumacation. Life is much, much different. Thanks be to God.
But no, I’m still not a Feminist.
This may be the greatest understatement of 2013 but I’ll say it anyway: I believe and agree, Feminism has it’s place. I believe in the battle for women. I believe in the battle for freedom. I believe in equal pay, equal leadership rights, equal everything. I believe women have the right to feel safe and be safe.
I understand that Feminists have defined, established and defended our political, economic & social rights for women. I benefit from the women who have studied gender equality so I could take my tail-feather to college and earn a degree, which, besides Jesus’ miraculous intervention, almost single-handedly saved me from a life on the streets.
I’m thankful for the work Feminists have done to protect women from domestic violence, sexual harassment & sexual assault. Because of Feminists’ labors of love, I was able to stay home with both of my sons for up to 8 weeks on a maternity leave, nursing them and sleeping only enough to be able to focus on changing mustard color diapers every hour.
Here me say this loud and clear: I’m thankful, I’m thankful, oh Lawd, am I thankful. There are Feminists I greatly admire, including the Rev. Jes Kast-Keat who is the most outwardly loving, action-oriented, deep-thinking Feminist that I seek to emulate on the regular. If I ever convert to Feminism, may I live as wholly and swim as deeply in the Feminist waters as this woman of God. I read Caris Adel’s heartbreaking journey through Feminism and I feel for her but can’t relate. I read Megan Westra’s Manifesto & my soul says “yes!” “hallelujah!” & “Amen.” I want that vision to be true for all women & I want to be part of it…just not as a Feminist.
Here’s the rub. Here’s where where race and feminism collide in ways I can’t reconcile.
First, the promotion and marketing of abortions in The United States of America was born out of an effort to control the population of African-Americans. Today, the largest majority of locations offering abortions are housed in African-American or Latino neighborhoods. One of every three abortions in the U.S. are African-American children. When numbers and statistics like these collide, I put it on the same level with Female Gendercide in China.
I understand that it’s convenient to go on promoting abortions as a ‘women’s rights issue’ without regard to the fact that abortion has cut into the African-American population by over 30 million lives, yet it’s appalling and reprehensible to ignore the facts.
For anyone to even consider that I could associate myself with a group of people -I don’t care who they are- who are actively fighting for the ‘right’ to continue to murder my people. Well, that’s asinine.
‘But, Grace, your making this a race issue.’ Yep, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Arguing that it’s not a race issue is living squarely in a perpetual state of selective ignorance, which is exactly what 14 yr. old me knew from the bottom of my heart, but 36 yr. old me chooses to face, educate, resource & deal with.
I have love, I have grace. I even have patience, but I don’t have identification. Not on this.
Until Feminism can reconcile a ‘women’s right’ with the fact that 30 million African-American souls have been lost, and that abortions are the #1 way African-Americans are dying (faster than even heart disease) I can’t do it. Not in a judgemental way, I’m hurting for my people. I say this from a place of pain, not of finger pointing judgement.
I’m waiting for someone to connect the dots on why the this makes any sense because all this looks like to me is another creative way to reduce the worthiness of blacks who have fought so hard for equality. Call me crazy but the right to live seems a fitting next step in equality.
~
Can I just pause here to say I know there are varied Feminist viewpoints? I know that mainstream Feminism is not representative of all streams of Feminism. I know there are Pro-Life Feminists. I know there are Black Feminists who believe that sexism, racism & oppression are inextricably bound together (I believe this as well). Though, I have no interest in identifying with Black Feminists who either hate or barely tolerate whites. No faction is perfect, but yes, I know I have options.
~
Secondly, I can’t associate myself with feminism while African-American men are reduced to the bottom of the heap. For every decade for the last 350 years black men living on American soil have not been safe. Every decade.
Who is fighting for them? These are the people that I love. The one who’s dignity I see. I can’t focus on women when my African-American brothers are dying or wasting away in a prison.
In the same token, I’m not interested in feminism when at least ½ the participants in the global slave trade are promoted and carried out by men of the world. Disturbed men in need of freedom. Yes, it’s a different freedom they need but needed all the same.
No one would have ever argued 150 years ago that Black American slaves were the only ones in need of freedom. If we fool ourselves into believing that white slavemasters of the day weren’t also in need of freedom we only perpetuate unhelpful cycles and leave people to rot in their condition.
Do we truly believe in God’s love & justice, peace & hope for the both the slave and the slave master? I do.
When thousands of men are willing to go into the Red Light District to rape infant children they are sorely in need of freedom and only God’s scandalous grace can save them. Scandalous, indeed.
It’s important to me that all people are free no matter what binds them.
~
Third, I believe in the rights of little boys, little girls, teen-aged boys, teen-aged girls. I believe in the rights of Iraqi’s, of Israeli’s, of Native-Americans, of the millions of children in Mumbai living out of the trash. Everything I want for these people, yes, I want for white men and African-American men alongside every good thing I want for women. I can’t separate the good I want for the all the occupants of the planet to merely women.
Finally, I’ve never felt resourced enough to concern myself with Feminism. My entire life I believed that everything that was wrong with me was because I was black. Everything. The almost insurmountable amount of mental work it’s taken to overcome those lies has left little else energy for other battles besides those which were mandatory. Comparatively, my biggest problem has always been being black, not being female. Does that make sense?
And so I say… Uncle. I surrender. It’s not my label to have. I don’t judge you if it’s yours. I may not agree with you on all facets of Feminism, but I don’t judge you for the life you live to alleviate women’s seemingly endless sufferings. Let me make myself clear, I do not judge you for the life you choose to lead as a Feminist. I will love you, I will stand by you, I’ll even march with you. I believe in your cause, I have done work for women & will continue to do so until my dying day.
Maybe one day, I’ll be able to divvy out my life like a pie chart, creating enough brain space to hold different theologies and practices in tension. For now, I’m not Liberal nor Conservative. I’m not Republican nor Democrat. I’m not a Feminist or any other label. Hell, I’m not even all the way white or all the way black. I have never felt the need to squeeze myself into the absurd labels humans -especially American humans- come up with up.
I’m just a proud biracial chick tryin’ to figure out how to the Love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind & strength doing justice, loving mercy & walk humbly with my God. That’s the only label I’ll allow you to assign me. This is what I can wrap my head around: justice. Mercy. Humility. Love. Advocacy.
I hope one day when I’m long gone, someone will say of me, “she was the best damn non-identifying feminist she could be. She loved many, many women well.”
People, learn this and learn it hard, it doesn’t take a label to love.
~
This was brilliant. Fantastic. Thank you.
“it doesn’t take a label to love” AMEN!! Agreed. You are awesome in your openness. {…oh and I LOVE your name!}
hahahaa, you have a nice name too. =)
One moves from feminism to humanism – seems to me you are someone who has made that big big big jump – its easier to care for what concerns me directly vs. truly care for what concerns all human beings as well as myself – after all we are all the same on the inside are we not?
Lynda, I’m not a “humanist” either. Again, I don’t want to be defined by a label of that sort. I haven’t made any jump from anything because as I mentioned in the post I never was Feminist and I never was Humanist.
If I made any big jump, it was from hating white folks, to loving Jesus, to not hating white folks, to trying best to serve, resource, train & educate people of various race, cultures & ethnicity on how to love one another. And yes, it was a big jump from what concerned only me (my hatred) to loving others freely & vulnerably.
I would like -with my whole heart- and try to care what concerns all humans because I believe we are all made in the beauty & image of God with incredible value assigned by God Himself.
Thank you so much for commenting!
As you said you made the jump from what concerned only you to being concerned about you AND being concerned about all human beings. I hope you realize what how big that jump is and how much courage it takes to make that jump. I realize you didn’t do it alone – you and Jesus did it together. And yes our value comes from our Creator which means that every human is valuable and deserves to be treated with dignity, fairness and respect. Every human deserves to be loved simply because they are a creation of God – no matter what they may have done. God makes it clear it’s not about what we do – it’s about who we are and we are all creations of God – each and every single one – no matter what.
Thanks for sharing this story.
Thanks, Janeane. Appreciating you stopping in! =)
Beautiful, post Grace! Thank you for linking to me. Equally, “yes!” “hallelujah!” and “amen!”
“It’s important to me that all people are free no matter what binds them.”
- agreed. redemption is bigger than we can dream. grace, more radical than we can imagine. while pressing forward for the re-humanization of oppressed populations (racial minorities, women, etc.) we must be very careful to not become perpetrators of oppression ourselves by dehumanizing those who would hold us down.
“I believe in the rights of little boys, little girls, teen-aged boys, teen-aged girls. I believe in the rights of Iraqi’s, of Israeli’s, of Native-Americans, of the millions of children in Mumbai living out of the trash.”
- i do too. I really love Carolyn Curtis James’ work in the book Half the Church and her language of the “blessed alliance.” God made men and women in God’s own image. Without either gender, this image in incomplete.
I am a bit of a weird feminist – I’ve struggled long with applying the word to myself. My views on women are tempered by Christ – just as I would hope my views on everything are. Primarily, I am an image bearer. A kingdom-bringer. A restorer. Because this is the example of Christ.
I choose the term to honor the memory of women who pioneered the movement. Who fought for rights to vote, rights for education, etc.
Yes, there is a lot of ugly associated with the word, but like all things, even our terminology is in the process of redemption.
This is beautifully nuanced. I agree that women of color who live with constant intersectionality have “bigger fish to fry” that can’t limit us to one social justice cause. Further, I’m not sure why many of us who are followers of Christ are so intent on ignoring the race/gender/class intersectionality that is evident in Gal 3:28. Thanks for bringing it to back into focus and for speaking hard truth. You’re great.
Thank you so much, Christena! Appreciate your encouragement so much!
So brave. Thank you for sharing your story & perspective.
“Comparatively, my biggest problem has always been being black, not being female. Does that make sense?” Absolutely, it makes complete and total sense. I lived with the problem all my life ever since my father told me I would need to be better than my white counterparts because I’m black. To me, black was the problem, not being a woman.
What has prevented me from fully identifying with feminism is along this vein. I find it hard to connect with white women who so easily champion the oppressed women in third world countries, but forget the their black sisters are not afforded the same opportunities and respect as her.
I also love what you said about freedom for men. My forty year old brother is unemployed, never finished college, and is still living with his mom. Some may tell him to get off his ass and get to work, but I see the discouragement and resulting paralysis of motivation he’s experiencing as a black man in this country. He’s weary of the constant uphill battle of trying to prove himself. I think his freedom is just as important as a white woman’s freedom. Anyway, this is a beautifully prophetic piece. Thank you.
Awesome!! Love this!
This is lovely Grace, and I feel validated in my own humanism by your words.
It seems like many feminists have no interest in seeing the abusive and oppressive people as people in need of redemption, which is how I think God sees them. What is marked about your view is how you have not limited your compassion to any particular group.
Much of social justice theory, including most feminism, is couched in the Marxist idea that justice is simply to invert the social order. I think the Christianity calls us to love everyone equally, instead of choosing one oppressed group to love the most.
That’s really interesting what you said about the Marxist idea, because, you are right…that’s NOT a good idea either. We need to fight for the freedom of ALL.
Grace, that was amazingly, horrifyingly, terribly amazing. I’m so glad to hear someone from your perspective say the awful truth that needs to be said. I am just stunned at how easy it seems to be to keep an entire segment of the population enslaved, and convince them it’s freedom (via abortion.) It’s sad and tragic.
On a broader note, you said something else that needs to be preached. We need to stop putting people in little categories like boxes, and just fight for humanity, if we really do believe we are all equals.
Matt, well, you win the prize for best 3 adjectives put together to describe this post. =)
This was beautiful beyond words and even though I’m a white, Jesus loving woman, (living in Baltimore, raising a bi-racial child) this resonated in my spirit as truth. Thank you for being you. For sharing a piece of who you are and what you bring to the table. Your perspective and voice is needed and so valuable and I encourage you to keep talking, ’cause there’s a lot of hearts that need to hear what you have to say.
~kristin
AMEN. Thank you for sharing your unique and thought-provoking view.
Thanks for this post. It makes me think because I don’t like to be labeled but I choose the label of (pro-life) feminist but I have always had to deal with the negative connotations Christians and others have associated with “feminist”. This might be one more box that I will avoid.
Absolutely powerful and laced with love. Thank you, thank you for writing this, Grace
Completely agree. Thank you for your courage.
Ummmmm . . . what you said. I come from upper middle classed white folks of the sort who think that they have life figured out just fine. And I’m married to an African American man born to a 15 year old girl, who lived in the projects and has 4 brothers who either killed or tried to kill someone. Talk about bringing two worlds together. Its eye opening. I desperately wish I could get the wider culture to understand the sort of things you are talking about here. But there are none so blind as those who refuse to see. Keep speaking your truth – its a beautiful one.
Rebecca, sometimes you have to live it to “get it,” that’s what helps me have grace & compassion on lots of folks who haven’t lived it. I know for certain if they saw what I saw/see they would live differently…but they haven’t, so my question is always: how i can lovingly bring people along, challenge them to “see” differently and help them to enter into my world where it’s safe for them to not “get it” initially. Anyway, thanks for commenting & blessings to you as you challenge “the blind” in your own life.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I can’t identify with feminism because I don’t like labels. And thank you for pointing out the complete injustice of abortion. It’s one of the biggest lies out there.
I’m an academic-in-training. I study gender relations in Victorian Britain and I call myself a feminist. And I think this is an amazing, provoking story. It makes me want to tear apart the ways that I teach and write and consider them anew – this time with greater attention to injustice on all fronts. Thank you for challenging my worldview this morning. It’s gotten too neat and narrow.
Heather, this is what I love about the internet. I had never even heard “Victorian Britain” before this moment! Anyway, thank you so much for sharing that ~ it’s amazing and humbling and weighted all the same. May we all get our worldview messed up from time to time!
This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing of yourself. You’ve been through a lot, but you have built a God view ( I don’t call it a world view) that I believe is right on target. I hope your voice gets louder and louder-shout it girl!
Thanks, Jane. I’ve been called loud before…and embrace it. =)
I love this post, Grace, especially your well-put point about African Americans suffering in the name of pro-choice.
I consider myself to be a feminist (for my own personal reasons). In large part, I believe, because I am defending my daughter in this world and as a granddaughter of a ancient culture that still says “boy is better.” I’m curious how you think your thoughts might be shaped if you had a daughter?
Lisa, wow, the reasons you choose to be a feminist are fitting and perfect considering your marriage & little E! I wonder if I had married a Chinese-American if I would be too. So, yeah I think the people in our lives do have a lot to do with it.
About the daughter thing, who knows? I hope to adopt an African-American daughter one day…I’ll let you know if I feel differently when & if that ever happens. However, my two boys will be perceived as white men as they grow up…and I wonder if that too plays into my thoughts on this. I’m really not sure at all, just sort of externally processing here. Good to think abou tthough!
Thanks for your challenging thoughts on all of this. You know I am always curious about biracial identity, gender issues, and race/culture. I love that you are a person of your convictions and a person of integrity.
My husband and I have been wrestling with the label “feminist” for a long time. He has only negative connotations with it, and he keeps telling me that it leaves out whole swaths of oppressed people. I want to redeem the label and have argued that women have been oppressed since the beginning of time. But your post just blew the walls off that. We’re white and while our eyes have slowly been opened to the world of those who aren’t white Americans, I hadn’t put all the pieces together the way you do here.
If I were to describe what you lay out here, I would say that you advocate for justice for all. Justice, especially in the way the Bible uses the term, is defending the orphan, the widow, the downtrodden, the foreigner, etc. That’s what I hear you saying: that while women certainly fall into the category of oppressed, many many others do too, and many of them face far bigger challenges than their gender. Focusing only on gender ignores so many other huge problems.
Thank you. Thank you for putting this out there. I think you are indeed a damn fine non-identifying feminist and I see so clearly how much you love people.
Joy, wow, you pretty much nailed on the head what it took me 1892 words to say! Thank you! Anyway, I can appreciate the journey you & your husband have been on with this, it can be extremely confusing. I’m thankful though that my perspective is somewhat helpful. I pray that we’ll all get to a place where we hear -really hear- everyone’s unique perspective & love them all the same…
…which will likely be in heaven. That’s okay, I can wait. =)
I love-love-love this. Labels separate, love brings together. Thank you for sharing your story so that more may know what it is to truly love.
Thank you, Becky!
Like you said, there are different viewpoints in feminism. As a biracial woman I have no problem with calling myself a feminist. Just like I have no problem with calling myself a Christian even though it is full of mysogyny, racism, and homophobia. If we don’t see being called a Christian as a “label” & a negative one at that, why should we see being called a feminis any different. Why wouldn’t I want to be part of a group that comprised of women like Susan B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth, Virginia Woof, Betty Friedan, & Alice Walker.
Jazmin, I see your point. Susan B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth & many of these women are worthy of emulating. In the same way, we could find examples for Christianity who have made it look good & those who have completely screwed it up…which is why I’m hesitant to call myself a Christian. I generally say I’m a “Jesus follower,” which I know is all the same to some people, but it’s an important distinction to me. i follow Jesus that is who I am. and I follow him just as Sojourner, etc. did.
So thought-provoking and well-done, Grace. You answered every single one of my questions and helped me to see a whole other side. The issues of justice and equality have so many nuances. While I would say I am a feminist, it’s never been about the label nor has that been the only cause I care about. The last few years I’ve grown in awareness of just how much injustice exists here and in the world. It’s hard to know what I can do or where to start but I’m grateful for dialogues like this, which continue my education and awareness.
Glad it was helpful!
I love this. I haven’t identified as a feminist, because I love my boys, dearly…and it has been my experience that the general “feminist” ideology simply turns the tables on my guys. The ideology almost characterizes them as if they are at fault, simply because they were born white males. I don’t want to downplay their intrinsic value, in the same way that I find it abhorrent that we would downplay our men or women of any other color. Until we stop this concept that in order to win, everyone else has to lose…we are only perpetuating every problem that we have in the world. I’m all for social activism…but, until I have peace that my identity and freedom are found in my Savior…I can’t affect change for anyone. One can’t help bring peace, when they are motivated by angst.
Aleisha, I wonder if this is true of me as well regarding my boys, who are technically 25% black, (what does THAT even mean?) but will grow up being perceived as white men (or maybe whiter-skinned Latino’s). In any case, the world will not perceive my sons as minority African-Americans and that has somewhat been jarring to me as I consider all these issues of race, privilege & gender. It’s an odd, odd, odd thing to consider that they could be set aside, or hated for the whiter color of their skin or just being men in general. I’m completely externally processing here, but my point is, I agree with you, having boys has changed things in my heart about this, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to care for everyone concerned. Anyway, sorry for this long ramble & thanks for commenting!
i’m a feminist, and i love my boys, too. my husband is a feminist, and i hope our son will be, too. feminism is about equality, and its critics are often the ones who believe that equality is a zero sum game, who fear that gains for women (or any group) are necessarily losses for men (or others)–but that’s not feminism. feminism isn’t matriarchy or “turning the tables” on the men. human equality is the goal, and righting inequalities and injustices serves all of us.
i’m not trying to “convert” you, but the generalizations and stereotypes on this thread are bumming me out!
Suzannah, I think you are right, there are a number of generalizations and stereotypes about Feminism. It would be hard for a group of women (or men) to sit down and define it exactly b/c everyone lives it out so differently. I’m sure we both have encountered hate-filled as well as love-filled Feminists (and on and on). That’s why it’s a bit too sticky for me to identify. I do hope that Feminists bring about gains for women and human equality for all. That would be fab, and I’m sure you know that that is a true desire of my heart.
As for my boys, let ‘em be Feminists if they wanna! I’d celebrate it with them! For real, I’m not even kidding. I’d love it if they felt passionate about women’s issues and dove in head first…I’d mentor/encourage & disciple them to do it with their whole heart in integrity & love. It’s just not for me. I don’t even know if this post -all 1800 words- or a even a whole book could explain why I don’t want to be a part of it. I was trying to pray it through this morning and I couldn’t even articulate to God -alone in a car- why I don’t want to be one. I just don’t. And I hope & pray, you & I (and all the others who were too afraid to disagree with me publicly) will be okay and respect that decision just as I try my best to respect all the beloved Feminists in my life.
of course! i respect you, and i’m not bothered that you don’t prefer to assume the label. to each her own, really.
for me, it is important how the boundaries are defined. people can make up their own definitions, but that doesn’t change that feminism is a historical movement to achieve the full equality of (all) women with (all) men. people can say it’s about hating men or whatever–but saying that doesn’t make that a true statement. you don’t have a horse in this race, so to speak, but for me, it matters how we define the terms.
if we aren’t living up to our own ideals (if we’re excluding women of color, for example), i want to talk about (and rectify) that, absolutely, but it’s important to me that the movement/terms are defined by feminists and not fox news, conservative pastors, detractors, etc. feminists are not all the same, but a belief in gender equality is certainly a defining feature, and the word means something concrete.
i don’t mind that you don’t take the label. i jumped in here to counter aleisha’s suggestion that feminism is anti-men and a person couldn’t love her own sons(!) as a feminist.
Grace, your post makes me think of Luke 4:18-19. I hear you proclaiming freedom for prisoners and release for the oppressed and I especially appreciate the way you remind us all that slave masters and rapists and anyone else who plays the role of an oppressor is also a captive in need of the freedom that only Jesus can bring. “It’s important to me that all people are free no matter what binds them.” I stand with you here and I humbly thank you for taking us all to task.
Cyd, it’s always nice to have someone thank you for taking them to task. Anytime! =)
Yes, that Luke passage is indeed fitting, and it’s a big vision we fight for…but God fights with us!
Grace,
I am a southern born n raised 66yo white man with roots back to Scotland. Rarely do I read or hear something regarding “race” that commands me to stop, think and mediate on it. Yours did.
It has been about 30 years since I heard similar comments about the purpose of abortion.
“In the same token, I’m not interested in feminism when at least ½ the participants in the global slave trade are promoted and carried out by men of the world. Disturbed men in need of freedom. Yes, it’s a different freedom they need but needed all the same.
No one would have ever argued 150 years ago that Black American slaves were the only ones in need of freedom. If we fool ourselves into believing that white slave masters of the day weren’t also in need of freedom we only perpetuate unhelpful cycles and leave people to rot in their condition.
Do we truly believe in God’s love & justice, peace & hope for the both the slave and the slave master? I do.
When thousands of men are willing to go into the Red Light District to rape infant children they are sorely in need of freedom and only God’s scandalous grace can save them. Scandalous, indeed.”
I admire the manner you addressed intensely volatile and sensitive subjects. I plan to research, open my heart to God and truth and experience…
Thank you.
PS: Many, MANY, white men struggle with what we were raised and educated to believe by white schools and white churches. Like many others, I will probably die with the ingrained prejudices, while promoting truth and equality.
Gary, I am extremely honored to have you share your story and your struggles in this area in response to a post like this. So beautiful! Thank you so much for being willing to address the prejudices & to promote truth & equality. God’s blessing to you!!!
Brilliant. Brave. THANK YOU.
Thank you so much, T.
grace, i can only imagine how hard your growing up was. thank you for showing us a glimpse and helping us to remember to step outside our own narrow view. i’m so grateful for how you challenge me.
all -isms, labels, and people suffer blind spots and inadequacies (and feminism can at times fail miserably at intersectionality), but at the end of the day, i am a feminist because i believe in human equality. i’m not in this solely for women (and if it ever looks to anyone like i’m narrowly advocating for white women, please call me to repentance!).
feminism, at its best, seeks to dismantle not only gender inequality but all kinds of oppression and injustice–to free all of us. that’s the feminism i believe in, and the one that aligns with my understanding of the gospel.
Suzannah, you know, it’s that redeemed perspective that I love and that I stand behind and support…and that I wish was the “norm” for Feminists and what people thought of when they think of Feminism…people like you. I wholeheartedly believe that you and those like you will make an impact alongside other Feminists who need the healing and hope of the Gospel. Appreciate your humility and kindness to me and how our stories are different but they come together so beautifully through Jesus.
i don’t know what the “norm” is exactly, but do feel a little discouraged when people characterize feminism as something i don’t recognize. i do want to second what anna says below about womanism. if it weren’t weirdly and presumptuously appropriating, i’d take that label instead. womanist theology shaped my understanding of feminism a great deal (and i am so glad to walk these roads together).
may i push back a little on abortion? yes, there certainly are pro-life feminists, but even pro-choice feminism is a lot more nuanced. a young woman without money or access to prenatal care and support who thinks abortion is her *only* option isn’t really making a choice at all. for many, feminism is about choice, which isn’t about promoting abortion at all but supporting women. that means comprehensive sex ed and access to contraception, so that fewer women find themselves unintentionally pregnant. it means good health care and resources for women to be able to stay pregnant and deliver healthy babies (for their own families or someone else’s), and it means things like affordable housing and childcare so that that woman could realistically foresee being a mama and being able to care for her own baby.
Suzannah, sorry I haven’t gotten to this all day! Anyway, yes, finally a push back! (inside joke, eh? =) On the abortion thing, I’m happy to see those things play out in Feminism (contraception, good health care, etc.), but wanted to challenge the fact that abortions are being promoted in minority communities…and that historically speaking, abortions began in earnest in the U.S. to weed out blacks & that 30 million black lives have been snuffed out by abortions all ready. So my question is: what do we do with those facts? What do Feminists do with those facts? I’m wondering if it’s just too much to put these two together as they are both HUGE topics, but that’s how I see it coming together. I want to be able to address what’s happened and consider the future….that’s just not something I hear Feminists talking about or trying to change (especially the fact that 2/3′s ofthe abortion clinics in the U.S. are in all black or all Latino neighberhoods). There’s something wrong with that picture, that would be hard to deny. In any case, I do hope and pray that Feminists fight would also be to quit the promotion of abortions to minority, impoverished communities. I’d love to see that conversation happen.
The more I have thought about this post, the more I have realized I just don’t like to be labeled. I wouldn’t want to be labeled womanist either. I don’t even want to be called a christian…it’s just another label when really I’m a person who follows Jesus. I’m just having a hard time with labels, Susannah, just to be honest with you! Everything seems so screwed up the world (among all the types there are) I’m just hesitant to jump on ANYONE’S bandwagon….but it’s late now & I’m tired & getting less & less articulate so I should stop. lol
“feminism, at its best, seeks to dismantle not only gender inequality but all kinds of oppression and injustice–to free all of us. that’s the feminism i believe in, and the one that aligns with my understanding of the gospel”
This. And that’s also one of the reasons why I don’t think I could separate being a feminist and being a Christian.
And as a non-white woman, I also get frustrated about how the feminist movement is, like the rest of academia, dominated by white voices, but I’ve benefited enormously from all those voices too and were it not for those voices, I wouldn’t have found the words to articulate my own story. A feminism without a diversity of voices is all the poorer without it.
Grace, this is so thoughtful. Thanks for doing your wrestling & theologizing in public.
I’m proud to call you a friend.
keep the writing up; I’m grateful for your voice.
Kristen
Thanks Kristen. I love it when my real life friends show up here. =) And feel the same way, glad to have you as a friend as well. xo
This is one of the most powerful pieces I’ve ever read. Thank you for putting it into words.
wow. Humbled for real. Thank you!
wow. thank you. that’s all. just–thank you.
Thanks, Emily.
Grace,
I just think you are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m enjoying getting to know you a little better each week.
Thanks so much, Trillia. Feelings are mutual!
I really liked this post, Grace. A lot!
I have recently, and hesitantly thought, “I am a feminist (a Christian, pro-life one) because I believe in equality.”
But, truly, the title of feminist does not imply equal consideration to all. It implies that women are THE oppressed ones. And that is just not reality. I believe in equality for ALL.
I really appreciate your perspective here, and this piece of your story.
Beautiful, Grace. Thankyou for sharing.
Thanks so much, Mongupp! =)
Grace -
Powerful, great article. Thank you for speaking truth. The injustice and lies of abortion astound me. The continued enslavement of our young black men breaks my heart.
I am a white, middle aged, middle class southern woman with a bi-racial foster son and a black son in law. God rocked our world, opening our eyes to things we’d never seen before. And I’ll never be the same.
We work for freedom like it’s all up to us, pray like it’s all up to God.
“Maybe one day, I’ll be able to divvy out my life like a pie chart, creating enough brain space to hold different theologies and practices in tension. For now, I’m not Liberal nor Conservative. I’m not Republican nor Democrat. I’m not a Feminist or any other label. Hell, I’m not even all the way white or all the way black. I have never felt the need to squeeze myself into the absurd labels humans -especially American humans- come up with up.”
Oh Grace, I felt squeezed into a mold of my own doing. All sorts of freedom are to be had for this white male. Thank you for handing me helpful knowledge and understanding. Very well done.
Thanks so much, Jerry. Have grace on yourself, we all squeeze ourselves into molds sometimes. Dresses too.
I really appreciate the sharing you’ve done here. As someone who has studied religion and feminism, I wonder how much reading you’ve done into womanism. It is not my intent to find a label that fits you, but to share with you that others have asked questions similar to yours. I’d point you initially to “An Open Letter to Mary Daly” by Audre Lorde. Many consider this letter to be the birth of womanism, where Black women critique feminism for its singling out of gender as the sole issue. Womanism, much like feminism, has evolved and changed over time. Again, I’m not searching for an appropriate label, just seeking to share knowledge. I so appreciate your sharing here.
Anna, I confess I have not done much reading into Womanism. I’ll have to take a look Lorde’s piece. Sounds really interesting, thanks for pointing that out! Appreciate it! I think any and all resources in a diversity of perspectives is very helpful and leads to greater understanding, compassion & trust. So, yes, thanks!!
I. LOVE. Audre. Lorde. !
And just an FYI: The word womanism was first used by Alice Walker in her book “In Search of our Mothers’ Gardens: A Womanist Prose.” While Lorde stands in the tradition of Womanism it was Walker who coined the word and what gave rise to Womanist Theology in the late 80s/90s/now.
And may I highlight this fantastic mini documentary on Womanism that highlights my colleague, the Reverend Dr. Jacqui Lewis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sUlc6L1Z9-k
Thanks for this, Grace.
When we get particularly concerned about the wellbeing of oppressed groups, it’s sometimes easy to forget about the wellbeing of others.
Our concern shouldn’t just be with the freedom, safety, and dignity of one group, but of all – races, orientations, genders, nationalities.
Gorgeous, Grace. I am a very schedule oriented, spreadsheet kind of person when it comes to figuring out my life. So, for ME, labels help me. Maybe it’s because of trying to figure out what’s wrong with my health, or trying to say “well I know I’m not X,” but they help me. But that doesn’t mean they help other people. Especially in this age where even Christians don’t want to be called Christians due to what it can mean to certain people. Words are powerful – and so is the absence. <3
Grace, your blog is dragging me out of my box and comfort zone! I am so grateful to you for being an instrument of God to stretch me even though it hurts. This was a great post.
Best piece I’ve ever read concerning race, women, abortion and faith. A book, unpacking all of this further, please?
Natalie, thank you so much. About a book, oh my goodness, I don’t think I have it in me! Perhaps future posts? =) For now, I’ve got to finish the memoir I’ve been working on for almost 8 years. sigh!
Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts. I has challenged me and got me re-thinking somethings. Thank you for that.
Your welcome, Adele. Glad to challenge.. =)
I loved this article so much that I almost jumped on a chair and shouted. Yet, I am a white woman. I didn’t grow up in Detroit, either. I did grow up in and around New Orleans, and I always had a lot of curiosity abut the black and native American peoples in the community, who attended the same schools but were a world away from me in terms of opportunity. I wish more people understood the roots of the abortion movement. Thanks, Grace for a well written article.
Thanks so much, Laurie. There is a lot more for all of us to learn, eh? Appreciate your comment & kind words!
Hi Grace,
Very interesting piece!
I was shocked to see the point about 2 of every 3 abortions in the US being african american but when I followed the link (I’m a researcher and can’t leave a good link or table alone!) it seemed that the data was saying 1 of every 3. This is still out of whack for the population stats, obviously, but I think I must be looking at the chart wrong or something… help?!
Marnie, thank you so much for pointing that out! I completely got that wrong! I will go back now & change it!
You are right though, 1 out of 3 is still so comparatively out of whack for population stats (which, I think is about 38 million-ish or 12% for blacks, whites at 224 million-ish or 74% of all Americans). Only 12% but a third of all abortions. ay ay ay.
Again, thanks so much for letting me know. REally appreciate it!
Thanks Grace. Still stunning stats.
I’m against making abortion illegal but there has got to be a way to prevent all these unplanned pregnancies. I wish we could figure it out.
Dude, how cool is it to get a shout-out from you?! Not just a shout-out but also the type of props that affirm some “fruit” due to the work I’ve been doing with my spiritual director. It’s a gift.
This line grabbed my attention –”People, learn this and learn it hard, it doesn’t take a label to love.” Perhaps that is what the writer of Galatians (3:28) means when he says, “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” The ways I identity myself (Reformed Minister, Feminist, New Yorker, etc…) I have often wondered if this passage (and the message of Jesus) is one where these identities don’t matter anymore and we find that there is one identity we are called to and that is Christian (call it disciple of Christ, call it follower of Jesus, same idea).
And yet, I look around and “thy kingdom come” hasn’t happened yet and I realize it is these identities that help me live into “thy kingdom come.”
I remember when I was trying on the idea of feminism at my conservative Christian liberal arts undergrad school and I remember how it ruffled feathers. I liked that. After that I went to seminary and I had no idea how feminism and God fit together. Then I read a piece by Dean LVD herself (Leanne VanDyk for those not in our seminary world) about Reformed theology and feminism and was like “OMG this is me.”
This post has inspired me to work out a few more of my thoughts on feminism in my blog (stay tuned next week!!). Anger is a large part of my journey, as well as love, the theologians Catherine Keller/Serene Jones/LVD, friends, and being ordained will all show up. Thank you for lighting my fire to offer some thoughts on my journey to/in feminism.
It’s an honor to call you friend and colleague.
xo
I so appreciate what you are saying. . We only have so much energy. And God has gifted us with his calling. Your experiences have prepared you in part for the ministry you now have, and they have also given you compassion and empathy for others. I have spent the last 27 years so far raising kids with autism and related disorders. That has been my primary focus. Now that they are on their own or nearly there, I have the energy and time (I hope) to turn to other things. So I have returned to my life long desire to write. But what writing work has God prepared for me? It has a lot to do with my life experiences. Writing is part of the job description for ministers I think. But God has prepared you for the ministry, and lifted you out of the bondage of your grudges and resentments. He did that for me, too.
Cindy, thank you. I agree, there is something to the level of engagement you feel that you can give something. I’ve talked before online about how hard my marriage has been at various points and there were times I felt like I could no sooner engage in a hot shower let alone heady issues while my marriage was in such a state of disarray (and we had a newborn). My point is, I do feel similarly about Feminism but on a life level…it’s just too much, too costly and too painful to face in the midst of the other major & salient issues constantly going on in my life. Anyway, I pray for your new life in ministry-writing, may it be a huge gift to you and others!
Way to stir the waters, Grace! I, too, dislike labels. But I must confess that I am thankful that I am the grateful recipient of much of the work of early feminists. I have never used the label to describe myself, however, because of the negative associations it arouses in so many. I appreciate your calling out the need for freedom from oppression and inequality for ALL people, indeed I do, and I join you in that call. But I do so without ignoring or forgetting that many strong women (yes, most of them white in the earliest years), have done good, good work, work that has benefitted me and has also benefitted you. We can vote, we can speak up if we’re being treated unfairly in the business world, we can choose to work outside the home, we have a right to be fully orbed human persons. That took a lot of years and a lot of feminist voices to become reality. So, I won’t necessarily wear the label, but I won’t downplay their influence for good, either.
Grace, I should have read this article before I commented on the other blog where you were lamenting the lack of feedback regarding this article. Obviously, things have changed since you penned that piece. Let me assure you, after having read your piece here, that you ARE an amazing writer. This piece should be read by all who advocate or oppose feminism. It contains the essence of the argument, and does so in a beautifully non-judgmental, non-eye poking way. Take it from this white guy: very few writers/bloggers I’ve read can match your creativity and insight.
Thank you so much! Appreciate those kind words tremendously!!
Hello Grace,
I appreciate you writing this post. I identify as a feminist and I have a hard time understanding why some women reject it. This helps me to understand that a little better.
I define feminism as seeking equality for all women. Of course, I want equality for all PEOPLE, but I feel I need to focus my efforts in one or two areas. Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll get burned out.
Just as your childhood experiences have shaped your view of the world, mine have done the same. I was exposed to a lot of fundamentalist views when I was younger. Women were sinful. Women were weak. Women were to be subservient to men.
My journey with feminism is more about helping both men and women see that these ideas are harmful.
I think you raise a very important point about abortions. I’m not sure what the solution to this is. I feel it’s a lot more complicated than people like to think. It’s not enough to just stop abortions. We have to provide support and viable options for these girls and women.
I think you’re a very insightful person and I respect that you don’t want a label.
Thank you, Kristy! I appreciate that response so much…b/c I think there’s a place for all…both of us wanting to help in various ways, “wearing” or not wearing labels differently but wanting the same things, respecting one anothers beliefs along the way. I can appreciate that!!! Blessings to you as pursue your Feminist life!
I wrote Grace yesterday to tell her I never comment on blogs, I wasn’t going to write a comment… But here I am.
I had not read any of the Fem Fest blog articles yet. I did so this morning. Then I went back to this.
Grace, your experience is completely different from anything else I’ve read. You have put the inside of your heart out there, and I want you to know that I see, I hear, I am changed. I am thankful for your courage and God-given strength. So, comments:
To me it is obvious that while denying the label of Feminist–that simply has too many definitions to count–you laud all that is good that historically happened or is happening under that label. Okay.
On the other hand, Suzannah in the comments wants to redeem the label and advocates for that. Okay.
I love the civil discourse. What I see and what I have found in my own life is that the battle is not always mine–which Grace alluded to in one of the comments. I cannot advocate for every right thing. I must advocate for what God gives me.
Back to the post. Grace I hear you asking me to consider the high rate of black abortions. Okay. I see the numbers. That’s pretty clear. But then you ask me to hear that it is a deliberate effort against blacks. Ummm… that’s a big leap for me. I would be looking instead at the back-story of causes of poverty… Need more information please to even begin understanding your point of view on this.
As far as justice for all, yep, get it, got it, good.
Grace,
I understand. I’m not a feminist and I don’t want my daughters on the frontline of any man’s battle. I appreciate some of what feminism has bought us, but I’m just not cool with all of it. But that’s not why I’m writing. God has been shoving this issue of abortion in my face this week and I’ve been wondering what to do about it. There has been some strong discussions in my world lately- on abortion and black babies, all God’s children; I agree. Now what? What do we do? I’m a black mama of two boys and two girls and I am concerned about the world we’re leaving for them.
Grace, from another tall white guy (I’m sorry that my size/color would intimidate you-I hate it that a sensitive and beautiful thinker like you and I could not easily connect) you said a mouthful! I suppose that you would not expect push back from me, male, 58, an egalitarian but anti-feminist (I actually understand what Ann said and, respectfully, disagree with Suzannah). I find tears in my eyes thinking about that time when you were mad at whitey, mad at men, when you were 9, 10, 11, and on and on. I am so terribly sorry that you lived such excruciating pain…but I am glad that Jesus redeemed it, and now you seek justice for all, your black brothers, as well as your black sisters, and even (hold the phone!) the white oppressors! You have such a sweet spirit with that LOUD voice. Just keep on being you. I would say that you advocate for justice for all. That last sentence was from another commenter…I just had to copy it cuz it’s true. Thank you for your brave words, for that brave heart of yours. Eshet chayil! (Woman of valor).
I grew up in the 80′s, too. I grew up in Texas, far far away from Detroit. I lived in an area where white racism was common, yet very hushed and as a big city girl in Texas (Houston), it was not tolerated publicly. It was the silent elephant in the room. And I was the white girl who’s best friend in high school was black. And sometimes it was uncomfortable – but we didn’t care. I was the “cream in the oreo” at the black mall when we went shopping. I admit that sometimes I felt threatened – and sometimes she felt afraid of what the other blacks thought of her for spending time with me. It hurt all around. But I cared about her more than I cared what they thought of us.
I worked with a man (when I was in my 20′s) who was an older black man that remembered being told to sit in the back of the bus. His stories made me ashamed. I remembered hearing someone in my family use the “N” word just once in a fit of anger. It made me squirm in my chair.
It’s hard to sweep away racism. And it goes every direction – in assorted colors and flavors – from gay and straight, white and black, rich and poor, minority and majority, Christian and secular… you name it. It’s hard to reach your arms around someone that is different than you and offer an embrace. It’s hard to sweep away the fear of people thinking you are racist. It’s almost like the fear of racism is a racism all to itself.
As for feminism, I just flat out think that Jesus was against it. Sure, Jesus wanted women to be loved and honored – but the Bible says the man is the leader of a marriage and a man should stand and lead. If more men were leading their families and not running away from the responsibility of raising their kids, a lot of problems in this world would all but disappear. The family was instituted as a sanctuary and a garden of the souls of children.
We aren’t living in a perfect world… but a woman can change the world with her patience and her smile. The woman’s hand rocks the cradle and soothes the warrior. God made us as different parts of a puzzle that was meant to fit together – not fight against each other.
You worried about getting hate mail over your disagreeing with feminism – but really, the world has bigger fish to fry. Racism is a rot and it seems like the leaders of the free world and the not-so-free world are keeping the fire burning to choke the masses with it’s stench. It is all about power… and fear mongering.
THIS is what racism brings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onSPdJwJJh4
THIS is what racism brings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3RADnbMks
THIS is what racism brings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfFVKqHWJU0
THIS is what racism brings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-SI8RF6wDE
So I say we all need to get over our color and gender and start loving each other. It’s not about who’s in control of the world… it’s about Who is in control of your HEART.
I love you for being brave. Thanks for sharing your stories.
Hmm. I appreciated most of this post, but I have to say that after reading through all of it, and while I love the way you express yourself, I have to say I disagree with you on the abortion issue. You are correct that abortion started as a way to control the black population, I read that and its true. Hitler was also a huge advocate of abortion, and our ‘planned parenthood’. If you truly want to help the disadvantaged, then look to the real minorities in America–children. Its the children, black and white, that are killed each day by abortions. Its the children, black and white, that are left at the mercy of judicial system that does little or nothing to protect them. We are adults are not the victims. We have power here in America, its the children–preborn, infants, toddlers, that are abused and nothing is done. Mothers today can hardly be called ‘mothers’ most of the time. In America, to keep from being bothered by our own children, we whisk them into daycare as soon as we are done with maternity leave. We put them in preschool at age 3. They go to school for 8 hours, with commutes to their school lasting sometimes 4 hours total, and often without seatbelts to protect them. I can’t count how many times I hear mothers say ‘I just could never be a stay at home mom.’ Children, to Americans, are just too difficult to take care of. Too difficult to love. The job/career/money trumps their care. They are nothing to our society. And while I admit, there are before-care programs and after-school programs available, one has to wonder why they would be necessary. American parents have been conditioned to believe that their own personal ascent to (fill in the blank) is more important than their own child. We are a society that has put not only our needs first, but our wants. And children are the ones that are forgotten, left to be raised by a government that meets their physical needs only.
Millions of women all over the globe continue to suffer horrific abuse and discrimination simply because they are women and have no power. If the Feminism label offends you, call yourself a Justice Fighter. Don’t let controversial labels stop you from fighting for what is desperately needed. Hope some will watch this Isabel Allende TED video.
http://www.ted.com/talks/isabel_allende_tells_tales_of_passion.html
Susan, thanks for the link! I have no intention of letting a label keep me from fighting for what is needed. I do absolutely everything I can to fight for suffering women all over the world. I call myself an advocate to the vulnerable…but yes, I love & fight for justice. Thanks again for the link, I absoultely love TEDx talks so I’m sure I’ll benefit from this one as well! =)
Grace, I applaud so much of this, and I agree with so much of it – the need for human rights, not just women’s rights.
Where I disagree with you is that I don’t perceive allying myself with feminism as saying that the causes of black men being incarcerated at a truly disproportional rate or the plight of Asian children trafficked into slaver are less important. I think I can be a feminist and still be in favor of those things as well.
Your point about abortion is one, I will admit, I had not considered before, and I find it tragic that such a large number of the people not joining on the planet are black. That is truly tragic. And I won’t say that this is about the personal choices that women are making about abortion (although it is in part) because I know that this is a systemic problem as is racism in our country. It’s not enough for individuals to make choices in a system that intentionally and consistently makes choice very limited and impossible.
That said, I’m a Christian woman who is a feminist and also pro-choice (pro-abortion, if you will), not because I want any women to get an abortion – I’m morally opposed – but because I know that sometimes our society and our personal choices lead us to places where decisions are all bad, and I would not want anyone to make that decision for me.
Thank you for speaking boldly and strongly. Thank you for talking about race openly. Thank you for calling us out to disagree publicly (even though I just read this post through for the first time.) Thank you. Thank you.
Hi grace.
you are like a flash of lightening one sees by chance, happening to be looking in the direction.
I stumbled in and will never return but your short essay will remain with me for a long time.
I am a nominal Muslim so will just say, may Her grace shine upon you for all your days of your life
Just read your post…amazing! Truly the burden of my heart…so often our righteous anger births a narrowed vision rather than a focused vision as God intends. Narrowed vision runs over people in the pursuit of the cause…focused vision remains set on God and His cause- love and equality for ALL His created beings- and sees EACH person that we encounter as someone God wants to bless through us.
Thanks for sharing your heart and inspiring me- God bless!