There was a crowd gathered around her, so I only saw her legs and feet there on the dingy, dirty floor of our Goodwill Store.
We were running late, my youngest daughter and I, and I was rushing to the checkout line when I saw her laid out there. Someone was on a cell phone, calling 911. Those standing nearby were telling each other what they had seen, that she seemed to know she was blacking out, that she slowly and carefully slumped to the floor. Weeks have gone by, and I can’t shake the thought of her feet, neatly lying on top of each other, armored in white orthopedic shoes, legs demurely covered by navy blue polyester.
I can’t shake how I stood in the check-out line at the Goodwill Store with my heart-racing, thinking, what if I did it? What if I just went over to her, put my hands on her and prayed?
But I didn’t. I paid and walked out the door as the paramedics rushed in.
* * * * *
Many, many years ago, my now-husband was then-boyfriend and we were in a Sunday School class together. We filled out surveys that were meant to diagnose us of our spiritual gifts. I tallied my score and discovered that according to this test, I had the gift of healing. Hmmph. What a dud. What a disappointment. Healing, it’s one of the temporary spiritual gifts, right? I was a few semesters from graduating with a degree in education and I had been hoping I would score highest in teaching. I quietly tucked the defective spiritual gifts inventory in the back of my Bible and, compliant Southern Baptist girl that I was, promptly forgot about it.
Until.
Until years later when one of my best friends sent me a biography on Sister Aimee. Aimee Semple McPherson founded The Foursquare Church and was an outrageously popular faith healer in the United States in the early twentieth century. Her life story was fascinating and I inhaled the book in a few days. As the biographer explored the beginning of Sister Aimee’s healing ministry, he wrote that when Aimee prayed for a person’s healing, she visualized the healing taking place as she prayed. In her mind’s eye, she could see the wound closing or the bone straightening or the eyes seeing.
That stopped me in my tracks.
That was precisely how I had always prayed when I prayed for a physical healing. No one had ever taught me or instructed me in that; instinctively, though, I would imagine a cancer shrinking or a throbbing pain being soothed into nothingness. It never occurred to me that there was any other way to pray for healing, but at the same time, I had never seen anyone describe what it felt and looked like as precisely as Sister Aimee’s words did.
It gave me pause, but not much else. It was all a bit pentecostal for me.
* * * * *
And so, I don’t know how I got from there to here. I don’t know how I went from fleeting curiosity to cautiously convinced. About a year ago, I felt God stirring in my heart about the healing issue. I began to wonder, what if that spiritual gifts inventory wasn’t a fluke? What if healing wasn’t a temporary gift? What if I had the gift of healing?
As preposterous as that feels to write, it felt even more ridiculous to say out loud. At first, I confided only in my husband and my parents that I was thinking about these things. Eventually, I told only a few of my closest friends. No one laughed out loud. No one scoffed or rolled eyes or patted me on the head.
And then things started to get weird.
Like the time I put my hand on my brother’s shoulder and I could feel a warmth move from my fingers to his skin and I prayed that an old injury that was causing him excruciating pain would be healed. And now it doesn’t bother him anymore at all.
Like the time I gathered with a small group of women to lay hands on and pray over a sweet sister who had been diagnosed with breast cancer. As soon as my hand touched her, I felt my arm, from my fingertips to my shoulder, set fire with heat and tingling and through tears I prayed. She is now in remission.
Like the time my oldest daughter had a serious bout with the flu and her temperature soared to 104 and wouldn’t stay down with medicine and I kept my hands on her and mumbled pleading prayers for what felt like an entire night and in the morning, she was better.
* * * * *
So why did I walk away from the lady on the floor of the Goodwill?
The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing here. And it scares me. And I’ve been praying for healing for someone for my whole entire life, and she has not been healed. And I know, I know. I know that ultimately all sickness and all brokenness can all be used for God’s glory. I know that He chooses to heal in ways that do not seem like healing to us. But there has to be something there, or why won’t God leave me alone about it? Because trust me, I’m on the receiving end of Crazy Eyes enough on my own without purposefully seeking out something supernatural and strange.
I’m only a few pages into this chapter of the story of my life. I can barely finish a sentence, I have no idea what the next paragraph will reveal. So would you pray for me? Pray that I’ll seek and find His Truth in this. Pray that I’ll have the courage and compassion to kneel on the cold floor of Goodwill next to someone who needs prayer. Pray that as I find my way on this path, I pursue always and only the Healer above all.
{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
megan, you go girl. stand up and in the power of the Holy Spirit take full possession of
your gift. step out boldly not because you think you can do anything but because God
can do everything. step out of the boat. take little steps and let Him lead you. you dont’
know what He has in mind, but you never will if you dont step out of the boat. I have a
small healing ministry in brooksville florida. i am a no name nobody but the Lord has
chose to use me too and continues to. if you would like to talk i would be more than
happy to pray with you over the phone. if you feel moved to call me, talk to the Lord
about it first. ill be lifting u up today. nice blog. you have your
head in the right place even if you dont know where it is.
thank you so much for your encouragement, brother. i was so nervous posting this today. to hear such powerful testimony from you … what grace. thank you, thank you.
joseph, thank you for these words also. i needed to hear them.
beautiful write. i WILL pray for you. and don’t give up on your seeking. He obviously hasn’t given up on you
many people live life never knowing, never understanding, never even caring what their gifts are and how God wants to use them. you are well on your way in all of those.
blessings,
steph
Thank you for this, Steph. Part of the challenge for me is just unlearning some things that I was taught along the way. I just want to be open to whatever the Lord will have me do in this. Thank you (!!!) for your prayer.
this unlearning of things taught along the way…what a critical part of the journey! and sometimes the most difficult. i pray for you also, as this subject is very near and dear to me.
i was praying for you before i even finished the article. beautiful courage and honesty here.
thank you for your prayer, Amanda. It means so much.
That incident reminds me so much of my incident. She was crying, bawling in the hall. I had to get to my bus. I passed, I prayed, I didn’t stop. All the while I was thinking about how someone had said Christians use prayer as a crutch sometimes. I could have found another way home. I had talked to her before; it wasn’t like I was a total stranger. I had sensed how hard she was trying to please. But I didn’t, I walked right past and acted like everything was ok. I don’t have a name for my spiritual gift, but in essence it’s just supporting people: Talking, and asking, and loving on the broken.
Yes, I’ll pray for you. Will you pray for me?
I WILL pray for you. Thank you for sharing so transparently. It helps to know I am not alone in the knowing but not knowing what to do.
“Talking, and asking, and loving on the broken.” In some ways, I think that is the most important part of healing.
That’s the gift of Mercy. See Romans 12:6-8.
Wonderful. I appreciate the way you’re embracing the mystery around this gift, around God himself. To live in the tension of known and unknowable is a beautiful thing.
Tension! YES! I feel it so much in this area. It is all very mysterious and, yes, bears witness to all of the mystery that He is. Thank you for such encouragement, Addie.
Loved this! Encouraged me to passionately pursue my gifts!
God has purposed that His people would go about bringing His kingdom near! That He would gift us for this incredible work … yes. I think passion is the appropriate response!
Thank you for sharing your story and for being so open and honest. What an awesome gift to have. While it is awesome I assume it can also cause some burden in your life. I will be praying that He make your path clear before you and that He will give you the strength and wisdom that you need as you chart these new territories.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, PL. Thank you for your insight and your prayer. I clear path – yes, exactly. I want that so much.
First, I don’t think you are the least bit crazy. Just honest.
I’m someone whose child has been “relieved” about five years now, of debilitating migraines. Someone we do not know well just sensed some compulsion to pray for him, walked over in church and did so. My son described feeling heat flood from the man’s hand and into his head. No migraines since.
Why that “worked” and so much other prayer for heaing in my family has not, my prayers for others’ healing, have not, I do not know. But, I hope you will continue in the wonder and mystery that is God, to just do what seems appropriate as you sense yourself being nudged to pray for others’ healing. Praying for you.
Thank you for that, Kim. Thank you, thank you so MUCH for sharing that story. And thank you for your encouragement and prayer.
I remember reading a story once, somewhere, and the location was possibly a foreign country. Maybe one of those countries where they have more gods than we have hairs on our heads. This woman, a godly woman of prayer, was in a room full of people chanting or whatever for someone’s healing. They asked her to pray with them. She denied, as she only prayed to the One True God, of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. But, alas the time came for her to pray. She asked all to stop what they were doing and she said (and I am doing a horrible job of paraphrasing here), “Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus Christ. I want this woman to be healed because of You, not because of me. I want this woman to be healed for Your glory, not mine. Once this woman is healed I want people to see You, not me.” Ish. She made it plain in her prayer that her praying was not in the healing at all, but in the Heavenly Father’s by way of Jesus Christ.
The woman? She was healed. Some in that room came to know Christ. Yeah. Awesome.
Megan, I’ve got a heart for prodigals. I have a prodigal prayer journal with names. As I write out my prayers, I too, have visuals. I see them walking Home, finally seeking out Papa and His embrace of grace.
Will pray for you. Thank you for your post and your heart.
This gave me goose bumps! I love the idea of a prodigal prayer journal. Love it. Thanks for sharing your heart with me, sister.
You know my faith, and that we believe miracles happen every day, and that we believe people are healed through prayers and faith. I believe in you. You are special. God works through you and it doesn’t hurt that you are always listening for him. You were open to the book that will help so many and I see no reason at all that he wouldn’t continue to use you to help others. I always keep you and yours in my prayers.
Thank you so much, dear friend. I’m actually reading Francis MacNutt’s book on healing and he shares so many valuable things, not just from a Catholic perspective, but from an ecumenical viewpoint. It’s so very, very helpful. Thank you again for your encouragement and prayer.
I just love this post. So much of the Western church doesn’t acknowledge this very large part of the Bible. I completely believe you and will pray for you to be bold with your gift. You are not alone!! Two documentaries I just love which explore healings in the name of Jesus and more are Finger of God and Furious Love by the same director, Darren Wilson. They really encouraged me when I just wanted to blend in to ‘normal’ Christianity.
Oh wow. Such great recommendations, Stephanie! THANK YOU!
Megan – as a recovering Southern Baptist – born, raised, four services a week, WMU Chicken Salad eating, GA attending, Sunbeam graduate – I understand the “Pentacostal” label of what you have been given. I am praying for you right now that God will remove your fear of the gift he has given you. That the holy spirit will guide you in your use of this gift and that you will be given discernment to know when to use it and when to let it be. Also, that you be given directions by God on how to speak to the person you are called to heal so that it is a blessing for both of you. AND that you will know how to give God the glory and praise for blessing you with this gift. Don’t be afraid of who you are and who you were created to be. LOVE YOU and proud of you and for you that you can serve others in this way. God bless you sweet Megan!!!! Thank you for your bravery in outing yourself today and sharing what God has done in your life. No one thinks you are crazy. We are just in awe of God’s gifts and power.
Debbie – thank you for hearing my heart. (GAs and WMU for the win! *grin*)
Directions from God … I am in desperate need. Thank you for giving words to my desire so that I might better pray. Thank you, thank you for your encouragement.
Megan – all healing is done by the power of the Holy Spirit moving through us. We are the lucky and sometimes unlucky ones that this Power moves through to manifest itself in the world. I started doing Therapeutic Touch many years ago, and have moved in and out of “laying on hands” since that time. The feeling of the Spirit moving through your body – wow! There is nothing like it – scareylicious! I have recently begun “spontaneous prayer” for those I know – praying in the moment – but all of these things feel so strange and unacceptable. I remind myself over and over, “In God’s name, with God’s grace.” Keep at it.
What is Therapeutic Touch? I would love to know more about it if there a direction you can point me toward.
Thank you for sharing your experience. So helpful!
Therapeutic touch is a practice started by a nurse. I trained as a nurse and we used the process on the unit to help figure out where someone’s pain was and to increase hemoglobin in patients who were low. We also used it as a stress reducer for patient’s on bedrest. It is sometimes taught as part of massage therapy, nursing or alternative health practices.
Thanks for opening up about healing. It’s one of those gifts that people get a little scared of, but definitely keep exploring this. Have you read any Agnes Sanford? Check out The Healing Light.
I have not read Agnes Sanford but I will definitely check that out. Thank you, Bethany!
Thank you for sharing. God has given you a gift – use it. And don’t worry about crazy eyes! I felt such a “pentecostal moment” reading this I had to practically keep myself from shouting at the computer, “YES! YES! Embrace your gift!!!!” I’m so sure that Papa is smiling at your leap of faith and your boldness here today!
Yay God!
Awwwww. I’m so delighting in your enthusiasm. Thank you, sister.
This is so great! I am forever leaving an encounter with someone thinking “wow, why didn’t I pray for that person?” I long to have a greater awareness of the Spirit, and to be a part of bringing the kingdom. I am so excited for you–and thank you so very much for sharing.
Greater awareness of the Spirit. May we all cry out for more!
Megan…hang in there…
You do have a gifting..bless your heart.
I am learning that when i’m overwhelmed with fury..( I am a survivor of a missionary boarding school, with many issues and conflicts..abuses abandonment..) or fear or whatever “gets” me…I can pray the covering of the sacred Blood of Jesus..it always speaks for us…on our behalf.. to the Father..as simple as “Blood of Jesus cover me..” or just “Blood of Jesus..”
not as a mantra.. but visualizing the sacrifice and the Covering…
I don’t know if this will encourage you..it is something I find helpful
Blessings and hugs from an old MK gramma of 63 years..
Absolutely it is encouraging, Vivian! Sometimes we just don’t even know what to say. Blood of Jesus. Yes, Lord. Thank you, sister!
Megan -
This was an incredibly brave and powerful thing for you to share. Although I would not identify myself as a Christian, there are so many things in this world we don’t understand and the power of prayer is one of them. I too have had some “weird” things happen during my life though I’m not quite ready to share yet. Know that what you have is a gift, and it should be celebrated. Follow the path and see where it leads.
Thank you for this, Vanessa. Coming face to face with things that are big and unexplainable – it is something to be celebrated. Absolutely.
Why is it so hard for us? I don’t know. I ask myself that all the time. One of my gifts is intercession. When I took one of those tests and uncovered it, a few pieces fell into place and I felt somehow empowered. And yet. I doubt. My prayers don’t always “work”. I get discouraged. I haven’t embraced it like I should, but I am working on it. I am trying to be more diligent. More consistent. It’s hard. So, as an intercessor, I will pray for you to embrace and use your gift. May we all learn to be bold for Jesus.
May we all be bold! Yes. I wonder if it is as hard in other cultures that are more open to embracing the unseen than our culture tends to be. I don’t know. But thank you for sharing in my struggle, sister.
I think it is awesome that you choose to share on this topic – may the Holy Spirit continue to move through you in your gift!
Thank you for kind encouragement, Sarah. Such grace.
I am so glad you wrote this. As a used-to-be-pentacostal, unsure-of-what-I-am-now (other than lover & believer of Jesus), it’s good to hear of others questioning & searching & even a little believeing in the scary & not normal. This doesn’t make much sense, but it touched me just so. Thanks megan.
Thank you, Mandie. The past few years have been one long experiment in embracing things that are not normal (and more than a little scary). Thank you for hearing me in this.
Megan:
As the Episcobaptist (pejorative term used by some in my diocese to describe me that I gladly embrace — lol) follower of you and your writings, I can so relate to what you are saying about the healings and yourself. Sometimes, I find it helpful to remember who we are in Christ. As adopted sons and adopted daughters of our Father in heaven, we should expect healings rather than be surpised by them. The question becomes, rather, what kind of healing the Holy Spirit is prompting us to pray for. I have discovered that some of my “anointings that failed” brought about healings I could never have imagined or expected despite the person’s particular suffering or disease. And then there are those times when the Holy spirit has worked miraculously to the glory of God. My advice? Be obedient. Follow the promptings. And give thanks that He is using you to reach into the hurt and suffering of others that they might be drawn into His loving embrace.
Peace,
Brianâ€
Dear Rev. Brian,
As someone who has a healing ministry I can say unequivocably everyone who
comes for prayer will receive from the Lord exactly what they need at that time.
It may not be the healing they are asking for but it will be their need, the one the
Lord has deemed most important right then. If it is not the exact thing they asked
for they can continue to come back in faith and get prayed over again. NOBODY
comes to the Lord and walks away empty handed. By the way I am considered a
Catholic-Pentecostal LOL.
Obedience to promptings and gratitude in being used for the Kingdom. Thank you for helping to shape the path ahead of me!
Megan, thank you for sharing your story. I think many of us that God chooses to do certain things would never think of that thing for themselves. The ones God chooses to speak, or preach, for example, many times are naturally very timid and reserved. Sometimes I wonder why God would put me in a certain position, but I think it’s because He knows that I can’t take any credit for it. It wasn’t my idea, wasn’t something I was seeking, etc. He will be glorified in that situation. That’s kind of His MO. The Bible is full of reluctant people who were used to do awesome things- the ones that received their assignments and then wanted to run for the hills and hide (many of them did). I pray that you will embrace this calling and let God use you. Many people are sick and hurting and need supernatural healing. It isn’t weird. It’s real. “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.” (John 14:12) Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:8).
YES….so well said Becky!!!
Thank you, Becky. May HE be glorified. Thank you for the permission to embrace what is given to us all.
I cannot wait to hear the next paragraph. We could all ignore our gifts and calls our entire lives but until we face them and begin to walk them out will we truly honor and please God…and find that place of irrefutable JOY and PEACE that we all so often long for. I have been studying on the life of Paul and can only pray I have a shred of boldness that he did. What an amazing man he was. I pray that you too find the boldness to truly accept and walk in this amazing and awesome gift…and that God gives you the strength to bear the weight of it. I listen a lot to teachings by Bill Johnson in Redding, CA and he has some incredible revelations and insights that might help you out right now. He has plenty of clips on you tube.
In the meantime, pray for my son! LOL
I will definitely check out Bill Johnson. Thank you for the encouragement! And I will pray for your son (feel free to email if you want to with the specifics – megan at sortacrunchy dot net)
I don’t have the eloquent words that some of the other posters used, but your story is both beautifully written and beautifully lived. I think you are right where God wants you to be. Your trepidation is testimony to all of us who also have spiritual gifts that need to be dug up and used out in the “real world.” Your courage to take even the smallest baby steps toward using this gift in a public way creates courage in the rest of us who are also uncomfortable praying for someone in the middle of wal-mart.
All of us are gifted, that is for sure. All for His glory and to bring the Kingdom near. Thank you, Abbey.
I have the biggest, stupidest grin on my face right now.
Girl.
I have no idea how I knew this about you but I did and you know and now everyone knows and HALLELUJAH.
(You know I’m praying. And still grinning. And kind of crying.)
I want to say publicly that I would never have had the courage to write this if it weren’t for you sharing your gift of tongues piece last year. And that’s just the truth.
Thank you for praising alongside me, and thank you for knowing me better than I know myself sometimes.
Yes. Celebrating your boldness. It is an act of worship! It can be so scary to step into living out your gifts, especially when they feel “crazy.” I get this. BIG time. But oh boy, is He gonna bless it.
Thank you, Johanna. It is scary but made less so by incredibly community to join me in the unknown!
Oh, how I can relate to your story! Something similar happened to me about 20 years ago – I wrote then about it in my journal – just last week I rewrote it for my writer’s group. It’s weighed on my heart all these years that I couldn’t say a few words to the woman – not even ‘God Bless You’ – I am very emotional and at times words just can’t get past the lump in my throat. But I remember her in the wheelchair and what an impact that brief encounter had on me. Since then, the Lord has become my dearest friend and has taught me so much about Him and about myself. I think incidents like these are His greatest teaching tools – then wasn’t the time – we learn all things when God speaks them to us and when we are ready. I, too, am writing my memoir – I would love to read yours when it’s finished. In the meantime, even though you didn’t (or couldn’t) stop to pray with the woman at Goodwill – believe me, God will give you unlimited opportunities to use your gift of healing. When He does, you’ll know – and you’ll believe – and you will be amazingly blessed!
“When He does, you’ll know – and you’ll believe” This is my prayer! That I will KNOW when it is Him. Thank you, Bobbie!
Loved this. I cannot imagine having your gift, but know people that share your gift. I pray you find comfort in what God has given you. I pray your hands and heart are a light to The One True Healer. How wonderful to realize your gift – thank you for sharing.
“I pray your hands and heart are a light to The One True Healer.”
From your heart to my soul today. Thank you so much, Nicole.
Tears are streaming down my face right now! I know just know there are faith healers out there. Ones that Jesus pours his power onto! Like the story in Luke where the woman touches Jesus in a crowd and He stops wanting to know who touched Him, because of the power that went out of him.And the woman confessed it was her and He said she was healed because of her faith! What an amazing gift! The tears are because of my husband who had test run on Monday for cancer and we are awaiting the results, and I think if you have the strength to say this is your gift, what if I have the opportunity to pray for no cancer and don’t. Please dear friend will you pray for John as I pray for you!
I am praying and will be praying for John. Please keep me updated!
I am SO glad and happy and excited that you posted this. I have felt the pull of healing for a long time now too. I have been blessed to have a dear friend who is a healer in the terms that you speak of (and also rooting in a little kinesiology, but mostly spiritual) help me to believe and see. I have witnessed healing after healing from him and others. I have also been given opportunities to create “warmth in my hands and arms” and bring healing/relief to others. It is so overwhelming and uncertain at first. But, Christ himself told us clearly, “you will do these things and more” and told us how God is in us and we have the power to set us free. And I even come from a Mennonite family, so this is definitely not something I learned to think or believe growing up. I just felt it within, like you said. There are so many awesome, and amazing things like this happening in the world right now. I know several people who have been “cured” of cancer, heart disease, long-term illness, and much more. God is so awesome and there is divinity breathed into the entirety of the universe. We now have the ability to manifest that into everything if we choose. That, I believe, is what Jesus was telling us. The Kingdom is now!! I will pray for you that you are never afraid and can always feel the Spirit dwelling with in, ready to work through your hands! You are not alone. We are beginning to witness what we were intended for. God bless.
Oh, I wanted to add one more thing. When it doesn’t seem to “work”, just remember that God’s intentions aren’t always the same as ours at every moment. And, other times, the person you are laying your hands on must be seeking and wanting as well. We just had a brother pass away this last week. This was his own will. He even said he didn’t mind going. He was older and ready. Remember that whatever happens, you acted in as much Love as you knew how in that moment.
Peace and Love,
Alisha
Thank you for bravely sharing this, friend. I think you are just where you should be- cautious, open, aware. If you keep bringing this to God, He will show you the how and the what and the why of it.
I know people who have been healed by such prayers. I was prayed over as a child for my eczema but it didn’t work. Still, I remain open to the mystery and miracle of healing.
amazing!
Oh, this brings tears to my eyes. I can’t explain it, except to say that I have been that Southern Baptist kid, taking that spiritual gifts survey, and struggling over its results and wondering if God still moves in that way. What a wonderful journey of God discovery we get to be on. I will pray.
Megan, I thought to be an awesome article. Such a great example that those ‘certain’ gifts are active and alive. I have the gift of tongues – if it were one of those ‘dead’ gifts, why would God have given it?? So it is with the gift of healing … there is always a place for these gifts in the body of Christ – ALWAYS – even if no one wants to acknowledge them. Even as long as people want to ignore their existence because is frightens them or makes them feel uneasy. It’s sad that many bodies of Christ don’t recognize these blessed gifts – only because they are afraid as being labeled a ‘religious freak.’ Imagine what Jesus must have faced when He was prophesying and healing people. He was accused of having a power that came from the devil.
May the Lord continue to guide you and be your strength in your journey, that He may use you for His glory alone. And I want to say that some people won’t get healed, just as not all will come to know Jesus as Saviour. God never said He’d save every soul … I think it is the same with healing … for whatever reason He has.
In Christ, Risé
I do believe that God heals. I believe that He loves us. I believe that sometimes, probably many times, He is just waiting for us to ask. I love that you are willing to be the voice that asks. What a wonderful and beautiful blessing.
Megan, this made me cry and I don’t know why. Thank you for sharing.
How very interesting. I will certainly pray that God uses you to His glory. Good for you, sharing!
Megan – I love this. Thanks for sharing it. This is a real gift – I don’t have it but I have both witnessed and experienced it. Don’t be afraid to explore it, and trust that God will lead you.
Exciting!
Megan, I have read some of your writings and I am not surprised by this gift that God has given you since…. I don’t know…. you just seem humble and open. You are probably exactly the type of person that I would give a healing gift to if I were in charge of these things. ha. I know what you mean when you talk about the demanding tug inside of you to go up to someone and use your gift. For me it’s not really using a gift but just going up to people I don’t know and starting conversations with them, and usually inviting them to some type of group or event that will be a step towards Jesus Christ. I get crazy heart-pounding “Go and DO it NOW” kind of messages from the Holy Spirit in this regard from time to time. And it is so deflating and sickening in my spirit when I don’t obey. [Lately it's pretty awesome because the older I get the less I care what people think and I just do it!!] I think you experienced that major tension too in Goodwill. So I will pray for you for tons of courage and discernment about when/how to exercise this blessing God is working through you. And since I am Catholic I will add in – take a few minutes to consider Mary and how ridiculous it was for her to say “yes” to what the angel was offering!!! Pray for us, all saints in heaven and Mother Mary, that we may do the will of God with generosity and joy!
I love this, friend. I love getting to know more and more of you. Praying for you right now.
Ah, this is lovely to read! Yes, you have a gift of the Holy Spirit – a gift of grace and healing. No, you don’t do it. Jesus does it through you. And your task is to pray, to lay on hands, to wait upon God. Even Jesus did not heal everyone who came to him (Check out that phrase at the end of Mark 1, when the whole town of Capernaum surrounds Peter’s house, wanting Jesus to touch them, to speak healing over them. It says “he healed many…” It does not say he healed all.)
And if this woman at the Good Will Store did not ask for healing, I’m not sure your laying hands on was the right response. In the NT stories of healing, that asking seems to be an important part of the healing journey. Sometimes it’s hard to know, isn’t it?
Thanks for being brave enough to share this with the community here at TDS. The gifts of the Spirit are for every age. Hallelujah!
Oh.. this is beautiful. Is it bad that I want you to pray for me?
Seriously though, everyone else has said what I’d like to say but better, so I will just say that I think this gift is precious, and I believe God will start leading people to you to be prayed for, and it will happen naturally that once you are open, people will just start appearing in your path. And I think that God will develop that gift in you more and more as you walk in it, and you’ll get to see more of HIM, and you’ll grow in Him. That’s all. 
Bless you and your tender heart!!
I don’t know anything about healing, but I think that the place where you are at is wonderfully alive and hopeful and beautiful. It seems that healing is a part of you even through your blog and your book, so I don’t doubt that healing would flow through you in prayer as well.
Let your light keep shining, Megan. This is such a brave and beautiful essay.
Thanks be to God and to his disciples who pray with his power! John does not have cancer! Thank you dear friend for praying for my husband! I am truly blessed!
Megan, I am so encouraged that you shared your heart so openly. I can so identify with where you are at. I have been studying God’s Word for about 3 years now on healing and the more I learn the more I am freed from so much of the religious doctrine that I was taught growing up in church. There is a “renewing of the mind” (Romans 12:2) that has to be done in order to effectively exercise your faith in the area of healing. That renewing of the mind allows you to walk, not by your 5 senses, but by what I call your sixth sense, faith. And the more a person operates by faith the more second nature it becomes. This is what God intended for us. The same God who raised Christ from the grave is alive and lives within us through the Holy Spirit. That means that we have “raising from the dead” power living within us! That is glorious! That is the power that is released when we exercise our faith and pray healing over someone! To acknowledge that fact and to use that power, the power of God working through us, it is absolutely life changing!
1 Peter 2:24 says, “by His stripes we WERE healed”. When Christ died He made atonement for our sins and our healing, everything. Any healing that is being done and has been done since then was done once and for all by Christ upon that cross. It is our faith that appropriates that healing and allows it to be manifest in peoples lives.
There is so much I could write on what I have learned about healing and how I have seen healing manifest in my own life and those around me. I would HIGHLY recommend Andrew Wommack’s teachings on healing. He communicates so well, what I would say if I had time to write it all down. You can access his teachings free via the mp3 downloads on his website http://www.awmi.net. Just click on Audio Teachings under the EXTRAS tab on the left side of the page. He has an extensive list of teachings but a few that I recommend are “Believer’s Authority”, “God Wants You Well”, “How to Fulfill God’s Will”, “How To Flow in the Gifts of the Holy Spirit”, “You’ve ALready Got It” and “Don’t Limit God”.
I encourage you to continue to seek God in this area because it is something that will bless you in a way you could never imagine!
Prayerfully,
Holly
So proud of you, Megan – both for sharing the story and for seeking God in all of this. Sometimes, those of us who grew up in the church, we have to peel off a lot of onion layers to get to the truth.
But it’s worth it. Oh so worth it.
Lord Jesus, I lift up Megan to you. Please open her eyes to the truth. I pray that if You want her to go, unashamed, into the world using her gift of healing that You would show her that and that You would give yourself glory through her.
Bless her with wisdom and guidance, and may Your will be done.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
May God bless you, Megan! I know He has great things in store for you.
Bethany
Oh my yes. Oh my yes. Yes, I’ll pray.
I have walked and continue to walk this same journey. I grew up in a church where healing doesn’t happen, and then, in university when I struck out to explore my faith just a little, I landed someplace that taught spiritual gifts, and discovered a gift of healing all my own. And I still take faltering steps. And I wonder at the moments when my hands heat as I lay them on someone, and my heart burns as I talk to Jesus. And I wonder at the moments when my heart burns and I lay on hands, and nothing at all seems to happen. And I remember the dream I had one night, in which Jesus poured wine over my hands, and how the next day I heard a sermon that talked about the biblical significance of wine, about it being about the wholeness and healing, the shalom of God. And I wonder what it means, that vivid image, that dream of Jesus pouring his wholeness and healing into my hands until it spilled over. And so I keep walking, and trying to learn, to listen, to be open, to find courage to approach that person, instead of walking away, because I have so often walked on by, praying as I passed, but unable to make myself stop.
Someone else mentioned Bill Johnson – his teachings from Bethel Church in Redding California, and the teachings of Randy Clark have been super helpful to me as I keep walking and waiting and wondering. They teach a “school” on healing that you can download http://store.ibethel.org/p5828/anthology-a-school-of-healing-and-impartation-january-2012, that’s so worth listening to, if only for the stories and once again discovering that you and I are not alone.
And so yes, I’ll pray for you, and ask if you would do the same for me…
I think this is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever written.
We all walk by faith and not by sight. And you are so correct in your caution and humility; recognizing that the gift does not belong to you…that it never will…that it came from a Gift Giver. In much the same way as the poor woman in Luke 8 knew that simply touching the fringe of Jesus’ garment would heal…so too you know that in constant connection with Him is what brings the healing on any level–physical or otherwise. So walk it by faith and you, yourself, be healed in living fully through this gift. It’s a wonderful thing from a wonderful God and you have nothing to fear. I know that next time, you will have the courage.
beautifully written, Megan, and i’m praying for you. the world needs healing, we each have unique individual gifts that the world desperately needs. i pray for your trust to grow, your strength in Him to grow, your belief in what you’ve been given to flourish, in childlike faith. i think of Lucy from Narnia… perhaps her character relates.
Hi Megan,
I do believe that God has used and will continue to use you with His gift of healing. I have been discussing miraculous healing with my family, and they believe that physical healing it is part of why Jesus died – and healing is for all and for everything. I don’t believe that is why Jesus died – that our healing He died for was our spiritual healing. That is not to say that He does not heal miraculously – because you and I know He does. Jesus healed so many whether or not they even knew Him, but He also did not heal everyone. He only heal one person at the pool of Bethesada – and you can be sure there were many others who were there for healing. Jesus said He was doing what He sees the Father doing, and I believe that is what He means us to do as well. The picturing of healing you have had is what I believe the Father is showing you. In order to be used by God, we need to know it is God who in in control – not ourselves. We can not know the mind of God unless He reveals it to us. I don’t believe that God would have you get frustrated because someone is not healed – because it is not up to you. God uses sickness, paralysis, blindness, deafness, etc for His glory in many ways, and and may not be his will to heal everyone of everything. It was not His will to heal Paul, and He showed Paul why He didn’t want to heal him. I believe Joni Erickson knows what she has not been healed as well as many, many other people. God bless you!
Hi Megan,
I do believe that God has used and will continue to use you with His gift of healing. I have been discussing miraculous healing with my family, and they believe that physical healing it is part of why Jesus died – and healing is for all and for everything. I don’t believe that is why Jesus died – that our healing He died for was our spiritual healing. That is not to say that He does not heal miraculously – because you and I know He does. Jesus healed so many whether or not they even knew Him, but He also did not heal everyone. He only heal one person at the pool of Bethesada – and you can be sure there were many others who were there for healing. Jesus said He was doing what He sees the Father doing, and I believe that is what He means us to do as well. The picturing of healing you have had is what I believe the Father is showing you. In order to be used by God, we need to know it is God who in in control – not ourselves. We can’t know the mind of God unless He reveals it to us. I don’t believe that God would have you get frustrated because someone is not healed – because it is not up to you. God uses sickness, paralysis, blindness, deafness, etc for His glory in many ways, and and it may not be his will to heal everyone of everything. It was not His will to heal Paul, and He showed Paul why He didn’t want to heal him. I believe Joni Erickson knows why she has not been healed as well as many, many other people. God bless you!